Prologue - Adopted into a Princely Position
- Prologue -
"Adopted into a Princely Position"
or
"The part wherein Luna adopts Pipsqueak"
<><><><><>
Parents Day. The one thing he hated more than anything about school. For a lot of fillies and colts, it was a wonderful day, where they would bring in their oh-so-important mom or dad, and tell the class ALL about what they do and why it is so super-duper important. For him and any other orphan, it was just another reminder that he didn't have any parents to show off. Well, Pipsqueak did, it was just that, for whatever reason that his adolescent mind could not comprehend, they couldn't, or rather, as some of the meaner colts suggested, didn't want to take care of him, to raise him; to tuck him into bed at night with a bedtime story and a kiss to the noggin or whatever it is that parents did with their foals. It wasn't like Pipsqueak knew, after all; he was just an orphan.
So, instead of getting to walk up to the front of his class and brag about how great his mom or dad was to the rest of his class, he sat in the back of the room, with the foals whose parents were too busy to come today, doodling away on a piece of paper with a crayon in his mouth. Sure, the crayons tasted terrible, and his hoof-eye coordination left something to be desired, but that was true for most colts his age. Still, he was proud of the end result; a little stick pony drawing of himself on a funny looking pirate ship sailing the seas as some rather... Squiggly looking waves rocked the vessel. Why, if he had a picture frame, he'd hang this masterpiece right on the wall! Unfortunately, he did not own one, nor did he have the bits to purchase a picture frame, so therefore, he would have to settle for it being put on the cork board with a pushpin. It'd still look right smashing, frame or no frame, he'd wager.
Still, once the picture was done, he was right back to doing what he'd been doing before; struggling not to nod off as some colt's dad was talking about how to make tree sap even stickier for construction puposes. How it was possible, he didn't know, and quite frankly, he was far too focused on the clock at the front of the classroom as it ticked ever closer to the final bell for today. Just a couple more minutes, and afternoon classes would be over! Pipsqueak squinted his eyes as he stared at the clock mounted on the wall, as though he was trying to will time to move faster. While he couldn't actually do such a thing, it never hurt to try, right?
There was a loud click as the longer hand on the clock's face moved ever so slightly to the right. One minute to go, and the stallion was still talking. Pip groaned, wondering if this would ever end. Thankfully, everyone in the classroom was saved from the stallion's endless droning by the sound of somepony clearing their throat at the front of the class.
"Mister Sticky Business, while your explanation of sap and its many practical uses was... Fascinating, it is almost time for class to be let out. If you would kindly summarize what you're trying to explain to the foals?"
Miss Cheerilee to the rescue, as always. While she normally taught Morning Classes, Pip's usual teacher was home sick, and Cheerilee was all too happy to fill in for her. While Sticky Business finished up, Cheerilee winked in the general direction of the class, a gesture that thankfully went unnoticed by the stallion at the front of the room. When the final bell for the day rung, colts, fillies and their parents filed out of the class, and those that weren't, like Pip, were busy putting away the crayons and sheets of paper they had out. Just as Pipsqueak finished, and made his way towards the door, he was stopped by a couple of pokes to the shoulder.
"Excuse me... Pipsqueak, correct?"
Pipsqueak turned around to come face to face with Miss Cheerilee, who wore a rather sheepish expression that certainly didn't suit such a sunny mare like her.
"Yes, Miz Cheerilee? What is it?"
Cheerilee chuckled nervously, and produced a large book, almost the size of Pip's entire body, in fact, from her saddlebags that were resting on the back of her chair.
"I'd hate to ask this of a student..." she said, a hoof pawing at the ground. "But I'm afraid that with all the work I'm going to be doing grading both Miss Honeydew's and my class' work for today, I won't have the time to return this book to the new library that opened up recently. Would you be a dear and return it for me?"
Rather than the whining and moaning one would expect of a colt his age, Pipsqueak's right foreleg snapped up in a crisp salute, and gave his substitute teacher a beaming smile.
"Can do, Miz Cheerilee! I'll have this book back in th' librury quicker than you can say 'Bob's yer uncle'!" Pip said, his voice positively oozing confidence.
Of course, that gleaming smile of his shrank somewhat when the large book was somehow crammed into his own saddlebags, terribly offsetting his balance, forcing him to lean off to one side to compensate.
"Er... Per'aps it'll take a smidge longer than that, but I assure you, I'll get this book back where it belongs!" said Pip, raising a foreleg to salute once more, but in the process of doing so, toppled forward, the saddlebags falling on top of his head.
Cheerilee just shook her head and helped Pipsqueak back up, and placed his saddlebags in their proper position, and sent him off, waving until the colt disappeared from view. She sighed, pressing a hoof to her forehead.
"What in Equestria have I done?" she asked nopony in particular, a slight whine evident in her tone.
Pipsqueak, in the meantime, was trotting down the street, singing a snippet from a rather piratey tune.
"~Yar har fiddle-dee-dee, being a pirate is all right to be! Do what you want 'cuz a pirate is free, you are a pirate!~"
Pip wasn't quite sure, but as he sang that song, he could've sworn he'd heard accompanying woodwinds and other instruments as he sang, and when he'd finished his part, the town's local party planner, Pinkie Pie, had seemingly popped out of nowhere to sing her piece, and disappeared just as mysteriously as she had appeared when she was done. Something about Ponyville; nay all of Equestria, seemed to suggest that any time somepony broke out into song, there would always be some kind of accompaniment. Some scholars theorized it was a leftover enchantment of Discord's during his reign over two thousand years ago, before he was sealed into a statue the first time around. Pip honestly didn't care; it was kind of cool, really. If it was Discord's magic at work, apparently the Princesses liked it too; otherwise they would have done something about it by now.
When Pipsqueak finally reached the new library, he could hear laughter. Was Miss Princess Twilight there? What about her friends? Wherever Princess Twilight was, chances were that her friends were there too; it was certainly within the realm of possibility, at least. Either way, he hoped they wouldn't mind if he came in to drop off the book and went out, all quick-like and such, right? Hopefully they weren't like the fillies his age, always trying to rope him into one of their frou-frou tea parties, or one of their Celestia-awful makeovers. Thank goodness he had the sense to refuse such invitations. Shaking himself free of his mental wanderings, he knocked on the door of the library, and almost instantly, the laughter was replaced by unintelligible whisperings.
"Er, hello?" he called out hesitantly, pulling the book from his saddlebag, clenching it inbetween his teeth. "Ah haf a boo' ah'd like t' ruhtuhn." he continued, his voice muffled by the thick binding of the almost tome-sized collection of text.
It seemed like "book" was the trigger word that caused one of the ponies within the library, most likely Twilight Sparkle, to come to the library entrance, and open the top half of the library door, which was far more mundane in comparison to the strange three-piece door of the old one.
"Hello? Someone said something about a book to return?" she said, looking around for the source of the voice.
"D'nn 'ere." came Pipsqueak's muffled reply.
"Oh. Heh heh... Sorry Pipsqueak. I didn't see you there." said Twilight, ears folded down, and a blush creeping across her face as she removed the book from the grateful colt's mouth. Seriously, that thing was heavy!
"Quite all right, Miz Twilight, I get that a lot, actually." he said with a good-natured chuckle.
"I can imagine so." came her reply as she looked the book over. The binding was a little damp where Pipsqueak had been holding it with his mouth, but she surmised that a gentle scrubbing should prevent any damage, and then took a glance at the cover.
"... 101 Field Trip Ideas?" she asked, looking from the book, to Pipsqueak, then back to the book again, an eyebrow raised in a quizzical manner.
"Miz Cheerilee asked me to return it for 'er, since she's busy gradin' the papers for two classes today, since our normal teacher was sick today." said Pip, in a matter-of-factly sort of tone.
"Ah." said Twilight, setting the book aside. She looked at the colt, wearing a neckerchief that she recognized as the bandanna from his Nightmare Night costume from a while back, and smiled. "Would you like to come in, Pipsqueak? There's somepony here that I know would love to see you again."
"Who'd that be, Miz Twilight? I hope it's not Diamond Tiara. I don't mean to sound rude, but that filly is an absolute buh... An absolute buh-buh-whuh..." said Pip, trailing off as the rest of the door was opened, revealing the "guest" Twilight had been talking about.
That unique cutie mark... That deep, indigo-hued coat... That ethereal, star-spangled mane... The presence of a pair of wings and a rather impressive horn... There was no mistaking who it was that was smiling at him as she spoke.
"Hello, young Pip. It has been quite a while, has it not?"
Now, Pipsqueak was never one to observe proper decorum when addressing royalty, and today was no exception, especially since he had no idea he'd be seeing any princesses until next Nightmare Night. So really, his following reaction was to be expected.
"P-p-puh-p-p- Princess Luna? COR BLIMEY!" he shrieked excitedly, oblivious to his surroundings.
No sooner had he spoken those words, had several heads within the vicinity turned to face him, and not even a few seconds after that had Twilight Sparkle pressed a hoof to the young colt's snout and ushered him inside, wrapping him in a purplish aura of magic around him as she did so. Twilight muttered a quick apology to the observing populace and closed the door behind her.
"What the heck was that for, Pipsqueak? Half the town must've heard you!" she said, forehooves flailing about. "The last thing Princess Luna needs is for a bunch of ponies hounding her when all she wants is--" and before Twilight could continue her rant, she found her mouth forcibly held shut by a deep purplish-blue aura. Twilight would have questioned Luna's actions at that moment, if not for her current inability to speak, but a gesture of Luna's head directed the muffled mare to Pipsqueak, who seemed to be on the verge of tears. Realizing her mistake, Twilight's ears folded behind her head out of shame, and found herself able to speak again, her muzzle released from Luna's magical grip.
"I'm sorry Pipsqueak, I wasn't thinking." she said, pawing at the floor. "I probably would have reacted the same way if Princess Celestia just... showed up out of the blue. I really shouldn't be so judgmental... I'm sorry."
Twilight Sparkle was met with a small smile from the young colt, and a nod from the younger of the Pony Princesses.
"It's okay Miz Twilight. I've never been one fer subtlety and whatnot. Still doesn't excuse my outburst though." he said with a chuckle.
There was a bit of a silence as the three ponies present simply stood, or sat, in Luna's case, for what seemed like ages. Finally, Pipsqueak spoke up, ending the awkwardness that seemed to settle in the room.
"So, uh... Miz Twilight, would you happen to have any Daring Do books?" he asked, running a hoof through his messy brown mane. "Scootaloo's gotten me hooked on th' series real good, y'see, and I can't say I don't understand why. It's real grippin' stuff, fer sure."
"I'm glad you think it's good, Pipsqueak." said Twilight, beaming. "I'm a fan myself and the series is real popular over in Canterlot, and so far, I've only managed to get Rainbow Dash hooked on it. I'd imagine that because Rainbow likes it, Scootaloo started reading the books at her recommendation. I don't know how, but she seems to hear about new additions to the series even before I do. Neither Spike or myself have figured out how she does it."
Twilight looked at Pipsqueak, an expression on her face that seemed to ask if he might know something she didn't on that specific matter. Pipsqueak could only shake his head and shrug, causing Twilight to sigh in exasperation.
"Anyway," she said, trotting over to a rather empty shelf, which was an oddity in this library. "Since hardly anypony goes to the library here, though I can't understand why, there's no real limit to how many books somepony can check out. Rainbow Dash has, erm... Used that to her advantage, and checked out every single book in the series save for the first entry so far, Daring Do and the Sapphire Stone, since she actually owns a copy."
"Ah." said Pipsqueak, his eyes scanning the shelves. When he couldn't find what he was looking for at a glance, he turned to the purple-coated mare. "Uhm... Where's the book, Miz Twilight? You said that was th' only one Miz Rainbow didn't check out, right?"
"That would be because I am currently engrossed in the adventures of this 'Daring Do' and her quest for this 'Sapphire Stone'." came the voice of the Lunar Princess. "Though, why it is called the Sapphire Stone, when it is quite clearly an idol of some kind, is beyond me."
Pip could only shrug, having little to no knowledge whatsoever of the inner workings of the literature publishing business. Luna watched the colt, her turquoise orbs catching every subtle movement, every shift, every twitch, and every little hint. Finally, she said something.
"Pip, would you like to read this book with me?" she asked, watching and waiting for his reaction.
Of course, trying to see something that tackle-hugged you at a speed Rainbow Dash herself would be proud of is next to impossible, even for a near-omnipotent pony princess such as herself. Even then, with his diminutive stature and equally as minuscule weight, he only caused the breath to be knocked out of her, the cushion she had been resting on to be pushed nearly an inch from the force of the impact, and even then, she recovered almost instantly, nuzzling the young colt affectionately. With the book held in her magical grasp, she turned to the first page, and began reading through the prologue.
"As Daring Do trekked through the tropical jungle, the wet heat sapped her energy, and slowed her every step. If only she could escape this oppressive atmosphere and fly out into the cool blue sky... But her crash landing had injured her wing, and was grounded for a few days..."
By the time Princess Luna had finished the first chapter, and had started the second one, the sun had begun to set, and Pipsqueak had begun to show signs of succumbing to the sweet, sweet call of slumber, and couldn't help it as she felt her lips curled up into a small smile.
"... And I think we shall stop there for today."
Pip could only lift his head up weakly and moan piteously. "Aww... But it was jus' startin' to get good... I don't... Don't wanna..." he was cut off by a yawn of his own, and a smack of his lips, and moaned weakly as he felt his eyelids droop and grow heavy.
"Seems somepony is rather tired." mused Luna, watching as the young colt valiantly tried to stave off sleep.
"Seems that way." said Twilight in return. "I suppose I should bring him back to Miss Sunshine Smiles, then."
Luna tilted her head quizzically. "Who?" she asked, unable to recall anypony by such a name since her last visit to Ponyville.
"She's the mare that runs the local orphanage in town, Princess." said Twilight simply, only for her mouth to form a small "o" shape as she watched Luna's expression of surprise shift into one of horror.
"You didn't know..." she said, her pupils shrinking to the size of pinpricks for a few moments before returning to their previous size. "Oh Princess Luna, I'm sorry, I thought you knew..."
Princess Luna could only respond with a slow shake of her head. The last time she had seen Pipsqueak was during Nightmare Night, and though he appeared well fed, his costume, if you could call it that, was... ratty at best, and were borderline rags at worst. At first, she attributed the rattiness to the authenticity of the pirate costume he had been wearing at the time, but now, with this revelation... Things seemed to take on a whole new light.
Wordlessly, she rose to her hooves, and made her way to the door, her lips pursed in a tight line.
"Princess Luna? Are you okay?" asked Twilight, worry evident in her voice.
"We shall be fine, Twilight Sparkle. It is young Pipsqueak that we worry for. Now if you'll excuse us, we have duties to attend to."
Twilight Sparkle said nothing as she watched the Lunar Princess turn into a purplish mist and seep through the cracks in the library's oddly constructed door, walking to a window, watching as the moon rose in tandem with the sun's setting, the sky turning from a glorious golden-orange hue to a deep blue, the stars twinkling as the shroud of nightfall descended.
Turning back to the young colt that had fallen asleep next to where Luna had been sitting moments before, she called out for her diminutive draconic assistant to help prepare the guest bed for Pipsqueak back at her castle.
Though the moon had indeed risen for the night and the stars had come out to play across the night sky, Luna did not return to her chambers in Canterlot. The revelation that Pipsqueak had no parents to speak of... it dumbfounded her. How could such a bright young lad be deprived of a mother and father? It made no sense! Still in her misty state, Luna glided through the skies of Ponyville, dipping low to read the signs of any buildings she thought to be the orphanage Twilight had spoken of. Finally, she happened across a rather old looking house situated on the outskirts of the town, with a large sign hammered into the ground in front of the fenced in plot of land. Solidifying her form and brushing aside the crumbly moss and fungi that had accumulated on the aged wood, Luna's eyes widened ever so slightly as she observed the sign, reading the words upon it.
"Sunshine Smiles' Orphanage" stated the sign in faded, bold lettering, the individual letters shaped oddly due to the ink fading in some places, and not others. With a deep breath, Luna once more assumed a misty state, and passed through the rusted iron bars of the fence, creeping around the windows. In her ethereal state, she saw into a large space where there were several beds fitted with stained, moth-eaten, or torn sheets, with foals of varying ages curled up in blankets that were no worse for the wear, Pipsqueak among them. Seeping through the cracks in one of the windows, Luna began exploring the orphanage itself, finding empty rooms once meant to house ponies now dedicated to storing all kinds of foodstuffs, or donated clothing, or even toys that were unfortunately in various states of disrepair.
Eventually, she happened upon the room that the eponymous Sunshine Smiles herself slept in, and rather than find some mare in a richly decorated room with various baubles set hither and thither, she found a mare that seemed to be as old as Granny Smith Apple sleeping upon an old, wooden bed that seemed to be in no better condition than the rest of the house. It was quite clear that this single mare was the sole caretaker of the many fillies and colts under her roof, doing the work of ten ponies, when it was clear her body would have trouble handling the work of just one pony. Luna sighed, an action that seemed to summon forth a gust of wind that rattled against the windows of this dilapidated dwelling, and left this depressing home, if it could even be called that. In her smokelike form, she headed towards Canterlot. This investigation gave her a lot to think about, and she intended to use every second of moonlight to do just that.
It had been two days since her nighttime excursion, and now, Luna was situated in a creaky old chair opposite the elderly pony; a Lunar Guard on either side of her, with the old shaky mare sitting behind a wooden desk that looked to be as old as the Lunar Princess herself.
"Princess... Are you sure about this? This is just so... out of the blue..." said Sunshine Smiles, her eyes as wide as dinner plates, and as round as them as well, as she eyed the large bag of Bits that had been set in front of her, each piece meticulously counted and tested for authenticity, the total amount counting up to be around one hundred thousand bits, give or take.
"I'm positive." stated Luna, with such finality, such conviction, that there seemed to be no more room for any arguments whatsoever.
Sunshine Smiles held a wrinkly hoof to her forehead, fluttered her wings that had been weakened with age, and sighed.
"I suppose there's nothing that can be done, then;" she said. "But are you sure? You come in here with all of this money, tell me to hire somepony--"
"Some ponies." Luna interjected, only to shrink slightly under the ornery gaze of the grizzled old mare.
"Some ponies, then." she amended. "... To not only clean this place up, and fix all of... this?" she finished, gesturing all around her.
"Not just fix," said Luna, a smile on her face. "Make better."
Sunshine Smiles chuckled, shaking her head, and looked at Luna, right in her eyes.
"You know, when I was a filly, I heard all kinds of stories of the Mare in the Moon, who would eat you if you misbehaved, or would watch you suffer in your nightmares, but to see you do such a selfless, and generous thing such as this..." she trailed off, dabbing an eye with the shawl that was draped around her shoulders. "Just... Bless you, Princess. Bless you."
She took a deep breath, and removed the reading glasses that had been perched on her snout.
"Now, are you sure about... him, Princess? I mean, I'm not against it, in fact, I'm all for him finding a loving home, but why him specifically?" she asked, eyeing Luna inquisitively.
Luna sighed, her eyes glazing over as she had recalled the feelings that had been swirling about within her as she mulled over what she would do on this day. She sighed, and folded her ears back, a sort of loneliness reflected in her eyes.
"When I see him... When I see young Pipsqueak..." she began, her voice shaky, her heart trembling, and yet, her body sat firm, not budging an inch. "I can't help but worry for him. I can't help but care for him. I look at him and his honest, smiling face, and I don't just see somepony that needs a home, I see a piece of myself that I hadn't even known I'd been missing. When I hear of his suffering, I cry with him, even when he will not. When I see his smiling face, I feel the joy that fills both of our hearts. I want to help him grow, Miss Smiles. I really, truly do. I want to help give him the life he needs; a life he cannot have stuck in here."
Luna cast her head down, a pitiful attempt to hide the tears that had begun to well up in her eyes. "Please..." she croaked out, her voice barely louder than a whisper.
Feeling a hoof resting upon her own, she blinked away her tears, face to face with the elderly mare, looking at her with the eyes of somepony who had been a mother once, long ago.
"It's okay, dear... I understand." she said, a tenderness and soothing quality in her voice that hadn't been there before. "Now, let's get those papers in order, shall we?"
Pip had left school once again, though, this time, there were no books to deliver, and Miss Honeydew had been back since yesterday. He briefly pondered visiting the Ponyville Arcade, until he was shaken out of his train of thought as he collided with the leg of a rather impressive, and intimidating pair of stallions with batlike wings, wearing wicked looking purple armor; armor that he recognized as belonging to two of Princess Luna's Night Guards.
"Are you Pipsqueak?" came the gruff voice of one of them.
"Y-yes?" was the colt's hesitant reply.
"Come with us." came the voice of the other guard. It was just as gruff, though it seemed higher in pitch, if only slightly.
Pip wasn't sure what compelled him to ask, but still, he spoke, unable to stop his legs from shaking. "W-w-why?" he squeaked out, unable to keep the tremors out of his voice.
His answer came in the form of Princess Luna's chariot rolling into view, being pulled by two more Lunar Guards, Luna herself sitting in it.
"Because I've found you a home, Pipsqueak." she said, smiling.
"What? Where?" Pipsqueaks ears drooped. A new home? To him, that usually meant he'd be transferred to another orphanage. He didn't want to go, not when he'd made all sorts of friends here!
"Why, Canterlot Castle, of course. You're coming to live with me!" Luna could not contain the joy in her tone, nor did she make any attempt to. Pipsqueak, along with every pony within earshot of her declaration went wide-eyed, and leaned on the nearest wall or post for support, and almost simultaneously, a deafening cry sounded out, one that could be heard all the way in Canterlot; a single word that acurately summed up the absurdity of the whole situation. A single word that caused Princess Celestia to spew out the tea she had been sipping seconds earlier in surprise, looking around frantically for the source of the noise. A word, that for a split second, caused a certain walleyed mailmare to see straight for the first time in a long while, just in time to avoid dropping a particularly heavy parcel upon a passing blue unicorn mare dressed in a garish purple cloak and hat.
"WHAAAAAAT?!"
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WOah... this sounds interesting, i'll have a read.
I always like these kind of stories, Scootaloo seems to get more attention but I like Pipsqueak better. Well written as well.
-Sturrn
Hmm. I have to say I like your story quite a bit! You need some work on the indentation and you may want to capitalize the title, but I haven't seen any decently written Luna adopting Pip for ages. Pipsqueak... does seem a little mature for his age, but Luna's character is done quite well and Twilight, while her outburst was a little OOC, is pretty good most of the time. The coverart... where did you get that? Because it's brilliant. Have a like and fav. BTWs. Are you interested in getting more views? Because I have a suggestion for you, PM me if you are interested.
ME F***ING GUSTA
1896644 Thanks for the like and fave. I took your suggestion and already, I'm thanking you for it. As for the coverart? I found it while searching Derpibooru, though there was no source indicated, so I just used the page I found it on as the source.
Thanks for all of the support, guys. Really, I mean it!
YES!
This is going to be AWESOME
your on my watch list.
A smashing good start to your story I do say.
Do accept a like and a fav from me, my dear boy. I expect you not to dilly-dally with the next update.
I will be watching, wat wat.
Whoa... that was brilliant.
Some odd bits here and there however:
Your use of indents was... sketchy. Sometimes they're there, sometimes they're not.
Assuming you keep them, be sure to indent all new lines of speech as well as new paragraphs.
Towards the end of the chapter:
"tone, nor dd she make"
Spelling error I presume?
I think there was another spelling error somewhere in the first quarter of the chapter but I can't for the life of me remember it. Sorry.
I would love to see more of this, liked, favorited and watching.
I was very dissapointed when I got to the end of this chapter. The reason? It was over, with no more to read yet.
You did a great job here, I hope to see more soon. Liked and faved.
Favourited for an interesting concept perfectly delivered
I am very anxious to read more.
This has potential.
memecrunch.com/meme/7SE2/do-not-disappoint-me/image.png
Great start! Liked and faved.
oh and have a mustache
Gleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeweeeeeeeeeeeeeeerreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder.
Will Blueblood have an understandable reason for making trouble, or will he just because he's the fandom's default boogieman..?
The premise easily allows for either. And Sweet&Elite had him appearing fairly amicable with Rarity, though I don't remember anyone ever making that point in a story.
We'll just have to wait and see.
My first thought while reading the description:
Sorry Rarity... Yet another great guy that could potentially meet your standards that just
happens to be too young for you. (The other being Spike)
And speaking of Spike... My own personal opinion about the latest episode is that Spike's
incredible clumsiness - amongst other things that were causing him to make a numerous
amount of messes - was some kind of undisclosed form of insecurity. I prefer to think that
- deep down - Spike was very uncomfortable working for someone other than Twilight and
was not able to handle even the most remedial of tasks properly.
I can't wait to see what will happen next!
Beautiful writing style, great story, and cool concept.
Waiting for more.
Oh, this'll be interesting... count me along for the ride.
I like this, although the logic for getting Pip at the library in the first place was slightly stretched, and I found Luna's emotional display later at the orphanage to be, while very touching indeed, just a tad too much, but these are little things in the grand scheme of it all.
Will follow, I'm very interested in seeing how this will play out.
great, now I have a foster brother
Mind if my story mentions yours?
This was a very entertaining read. While I greatly dislike the idea of Pipsqueak being an orphan, I absolutely love the potential in this story. I've always seen Luna as a bit of a klutzy, well-meaning older sister-type figure, so her trying to parent should be an all but endless source of humor and heart warming. I greatly look forward to where you'll take the characters.
Excellent.
That sums this up so far, just absolutely wonderful. The concept is great (albeit done before -- although, the fact that it's Luna and Pipsqueak rather than Celestia and Scootaloo makes it so much better) and I have to say, your voice is a treat to read, oh so very colorful and vibrant. It's kind of early, but this story gives off some Ambassador's Son vibes -- which, if you haven't read that story, is a good thing.
Now, one of the faults have been stated already, and that's the fact that you're using indents at random. You should probably stick with either using them or not (I personally suggest using them, but that's just me and my stylistic tendencies). The other is that Luna's little emotional breakdown for lil' Pip was a tad over the top, especially seeing as she's only just now seen him for the second time.
Finally, my last gripe with it has to do with the punctuation you use in your dialogue. You seem to always end speech with a period, when on many occasions you shouldn't. If dialogue is followed by a dialogue tag (e.g., she said, asked, stated, etc.) then the end punctuation should be a comma.
For example:
There should be a comma after fix.
Same goes for positive and then, they should have commas after them.
Other than that, I'm liking this story. Will be following with rapt attention
Post thought: Whoops, forgot to mention something. The word moves in your title should be capitalized, like every other m-word you have up there... oh, hey, nice use of alliteration there xD
DUDE, welcome to the feature box!
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Congrats on making featured 8D
Interesting, I can't wait to see where this goes.
Impressive, really cute.
This is so cute!!
I absolutely loved the characterization and accent of Pip. The quality dipped some once or twice, but overall this was an awesome job. I'm really excited to see where you take this plot bunny!
More.
ME... WANT... MORE! Um, that is, if you don't mind.
rar
That "oddly constructed door" is called either a Dutch, or Horse, door.
1899096 Good to know. I'll keep that in the event Golden Oaks Library is visited again. Not saying it'll happen, but who knows?
I'm favoriting this because of the description. and have a like.
i am not actually going to read it until another chapter comes out.
and: OH SHIT SON, PIPVSBLUEBLOOD? BLUEBLOOD'S JUST GONNA BE BLOOD BY THE END OF THIS!
Wrote a story like this long time ago...let's see how this one is. Looking forward to it
1899184 Your story was actually one of the two stories on here that inspired me to write this fic, actually. There have been plenty of fics where a character, usually Rainbow Dash, adopts Scootaloo, but hardly any where Pipsqueak gets adopted by say, Luna. To hear you say that you're looking forward to it, well... You have no idea how freaking excited that makes me!
1899199
Really? I'm honored, truly. Into the first few paragraphs, and gotta say, enjoying it.
Yep Faved and Liked! Update soon!!
FOLLOWED.
Please sir, may I have another?
oh these dam sentimental ones always get me with there cool and "convienent" (not sure what word to use) plot
Have all of my yes, my thumb, my fave, and a moustache.
That last paragraph, priceless
!
*reads description*
*likes and favorites before reading*
I could tell it had potential!
I'm hooked!
Yay! this means more for me to be a fan-girl over!
I LOVE THIS!
IM WATCHING YOU!
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That was so adorable. I thought it flowed nicely although the italicized words interrupted it in some places, but that aside I loved it. Gonna recommend this to my friends. I look forward to watching this fic progress.