Chapter 1 - A Royal Pain
- Chapter 1 -
"A Royal Pain"
or
"The part wherein Pipsqueak tours the castle. "
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Pipsqueak hadn't been expecting Princess Luna to say what she did. He also never expected to experience what it was like to ride in a Pegasi-led chariot, flying through the skies of Equestria. Rather, he would have had the full experience… if he wasn't clinging to Luna for dear life. Though, to be fair, she did tell him not to look over the edge of the chariot while it was in motion. Of course, with a young foal's selective hearing, and reverse psychology working its wicked magic, Pip peeked over the edge, and found himself regretting it soon afterwards.
Luna looked down at the young colt that was so desperately clinging to her foreleg, his body shivering and his teeth chattering, and wrapped a wing around his body.
"Are you okay, Pipsqueak?" she asked, her bluish-green eyes alight with concern and worry for her adoptive son.
"Y-y-yeah, 'm fine. Jus' a little c-cold, I 'spose…" lied Pipsqueak, barely able to suppress his chattering. He couldn't tell her that he went and peeked over the edge when she had explicitly told him not to; that'd be suicide! Luna's response was to simply wrap more of her wing around the colt, and nuzzle him, which, oddly enough, quelled his shivering and quieted his chattering teeth.
"Better?" she asked, with an ice-meltingly warm smile resting upon her face.
Pipsqueak nodded; a sort of… warmth spreading throughout his body. He wasn't sure if the Princess used some kind of fancy alicorn magic or what, but whatever this feeling was, he liked it. Pip turned his attention forward, watching as Canterlot Castle came into view, its golden spires gleaming in the afternoon sunlight. The chariot circled around one of its many towers, and slowed down until it eventually came to a stop on a terrace of some kind.
"We're here, Pip. Welcome to your new home." said Luna, sweeping a foreleg out and gesturing to the entire castle.
Pipsqueak’s mouth formed a little "o" shape as he gazed all around him. He was going to be living here? The thought of such a thing was amazing in its own way, and yet...
Luna could see that Pipsqueak was clearly disappointed in something, but what was it? Did he want to ride around in the chariot some more? Did he want to meet the staff?
"What’s wrong, Pip? I thought you'd be excited?" she asked, nudging him with her nose.
At first, Pipsqueak said nothing, instead choosing to squirm uncomfortably under his adoptive mother's gaze.
"Well…" he said, finally. "It's just that… I'm grateful for this, really, I am, but…"
"'But' what? I didn't do something wrong, did I? Oh dear…" moaned Luna, pressing two glittery, shoed hooves to her forehead. "How shortsighted of us! Fool! We are an utter fool!"
Pipsqueak blinked. Seeing the Princess act like this, it unsettled him. But what really didn't sit well with him was how she thought of herself as a fool, acting as though this… gift she had given him was a mistake. A MISTAKE. He wouldn't have ANY of that, no sir!
"No way!" he cried, attempting to wrap himself around Luna’s midsection in what was meant to be a hug to calm her down. "Ya did NOTHIN' wrong, Princess! It's just…"
He sighed; it was hard trying to turn what he was feeling in his head into words in his mouth sometimes. “"t's gonna be tough, havin' to get used to living in a new place with no friends again… I had a lot of friends in Ponyville… and I dunno if I can handle bein' in one of those fancy Canterlot schools, y'know?"
"I know," said Luna, embracing the colt, his hug having done its job. "Still… I'm sorry. I'll find a way to make it up to you, I promise."
"Thanks, Princess." was Pipsqueak's reply.
Luna suppressed the urge to sigh. Princess, he'd said. Not "Mother", not "Mom", or even "Mommy", just "Princess". On one hoof, she had expected this; after all, she only adopted him today, but still… It gnawed at her. What would it take for him to see her as a mother, and not just a Princess? She would have thought on the matter further, had she not heard the hoofsteps of her dearest sister drawing nearer.
"Celestia!" she called out, forgetting her own troubles, and smiling at the timely arrival of her dear older sister, and waving her over to where she and Pip were. "Come, sister; meet your new nephew, Pipsqueak!"
Pipsqueak blinked, and turned around to come face to face, or rather face to hoof with the older of the Pony Princesses, Celestia.
"So you're the colt that my dear sister is so taken with… Your name is Pipsqueak, correct?" she said, her pastel mane flowing majestically, as was her sister’s mane, despite a simple breeze being the only thing blowing throughout the area. Pipsqueak could only nod in response. Despite there being practically nothing to worry about, Pip found himself worrying anyway… At least until Celestia smiled the most radiant… Well, second most radiant smile he'd ever seen. Princess Luna's was better. But then again, he was probably biased.
Probably.
Within minutes, Pipsqueak found himself wandering through the halls of Canterlot Castle, Celestia and Luna trailing behind him, talking amongst themselves as he became lost in his exploration of the hallway, entranced by the many display pieces and various baubles that decorated the walls before him.
"I know I asked you this before, Luna, but… Are you sure?" asked Celestia, looking from Luna, to Pip, who was busy admiring an antique set of armor adorning a ponnequin, a matching spear leaning upright against the ponnequin's right foreleg, with a round shield loosely strapped to it’s other one.
"Like I said before, Tia, I am sure." Replied Luna, her eyes locked with that of her sister’s, but only for a moment, as an ear flicked, and her pupils shrank, and her head whipped around to find Pipsqueak’s hooves reaching out to touch the ancient bronze shield.
"Pip, be careful with that!" she said her voice fraught with worry.
No sooner has she said that, had his hooves made contact with the shield, had the very same shield come undone, falling to the floor with a metallic clang, the loud noise causing the poor colt to backpedal right into the ponnequin, bumping into the spear and knocking it loose, the tip landing inches from his nose. Now frightened beyond all belief, Pipsqueak backed up into the ponnequin itself, causing the entire thing to shudder, and fall on top of him, or almost fall on top of him, as the armor clad figure was wreathed in a purplish aura, the blank, featureless face inches from his own.
"Pip, are you alright?!" she asked frantically, running immediately to the colt’s side, even as she effortlessly returned the ponnequin and its equipment to their rightful places.
"Y-yeah… I'm sorry about that; I didn't mean to knock it over, M… Princess… I’m real sorry." was his shaky reply, his stubby legs clinging onto Luna’s foreleg for dear life, if only for a moment.
When Pipsqueak released his death-grip upon her leg, and only when he wasn't facing her direction, did she rub at where he had been squeezing. That colt had one heck of a grip. But that wasn't what bothered her. Pip had almost called her something, yet he corrected himself and once again called her "Princess". Why?
Luna's distress had not gone unnoticed by her sister, who draped a grand, white wing over her sister’s comparatively smaller body.
"Give him time, sister." She said, smiling. "It took you a while to adjust to stop using the 'Royal We' in casual conversation after all, didn’t it?"
A sheepish nod was Luna’s reply, whose cheeks were pink with embarrassment. Truth be told, even though she had made leaps and bounds in terms of progress on that matter, there were times when she would slip back into the old tongues, particularly when she would let her emotions get to her.
"I just want to make him feel welcome, Tia." She said, watching as Pipsqueak wandered ahead once again; his hoofsteps were slower, more careful. Clearly, that little scare had taught him to simply observe his surroundings for now. Of course, that didn't exactly mean Pipsqueak was being all that observant, hence his untimely collision with a certain stallion, whose coat was as white and as pristine as freshly fallen snow, his mane like woven gold, and his personality…
"Who in Equestria let this… Brat into the castle? Guards… GUARDS!"
Well, let's just say it left something to be desired.
"Prince Blueblood." said Luna; though the way it was said made it seem more like a statement rather than an acknowledgement of his presence. "You are not to call the guards on him. I brought him here myself."
Luna narrowed her eyes at him; Ever since she had first met Celestia's "nephew", she'd held an incredible dislike for him. Even she could tell that her dearest sister, for all her poise, patience, and grace, could hardly stand the stallion herself. He was a prime example of the kind of nobles that the common pony detested. Oh sure, he could be polite, almost gentlecoltly so, well spoken, and had a razor sharp wit, but these gifts of his were often used to further his own agendas, instead of benefitting his country. Such a waste, really.
Blueblood blinked. Had he heard his other aunt correctly? He looked from the Princess to the colt that had scrambled to his hooves and retreated behind Luna, then back to Luna once more. He then pressed both of his forehooves to his cheeks, and his mouth hung agape.
"Princess Luna… Cavorting with the lower class?! With foals, no less! Oh by my Auntie's divine flank, how criminal!" he then stood upon his hind legs, and leaned upon a wall for support.
Pip blinked. What Blueblood had said flew over his head, his adolescent mind rendering the rest of it unintelligible once the first fancy word was spoken. He looked to Luna, whose face had taken on the color of a tomato, and her irises had shrunken to pinpricks.
"You… You…" choked out the mare, trembling with rage. Celestia pulled Pipsqueak aside, holding her hooves to his ears, and obscuring his vision with her wings. Some things were not meant for mortal eyes, especially one of Luna's Category Five temper tantrums.
"You… Insipid… Ignorant… IMBECILE!" she screamed, conjuring a gust of wind as she unleashed the full force of the Royal Canterlot Voice upon the hapless prince. "To accuse us of such lies is unforgivable! 'Tis utterly outrageous! To accuse us of such relations with our own SON! Have you not even a single shred of common sense within that empty skull of yours, you dullard? Answer us!"
Blueblood, unfortunately, could only fall upon his haunches, his flaxen hair disheveled by the gale force winds brought by Luna's tirade, his mouth opening and closing as though he were a fish gasping for breath, shivering uncontrollably. Finally, he found the strength to speak.
"S-son?!" he screeched, before falling backwards, slipping into unconsciousness.
When Luna's breathing had slowed, and she had tucked her wings to her sides once more, only then did Celestia release Pipsqueak, who could only look at the result of the Royal Canterlot Voice being used indoors and let out a low whistle.
"Cor blimey, did a storm blow through 'ere or somethin'? The place is an absolute mess!" he said, oblivious to his adoptive mother's flushed cheeks and slightly scrunched snout, while Celestia struggled to stifle a sudden attack of the giggles at Pipsqueak's statement.
"Something like that, Pipsqueak." She said, holding a wing to her mouth in a poor attempt to hide the smile that was upon her face. Something told her that life at the castle would be a lot more fun now...
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Cool.
" Yeah, I'm going to see if I can't lighten the mood a bit, starting with this chapter."
Seems to be working. Nice chapter
I never get tired of seeing him get owned.
Daww.
It's fun to see the princesses yell at Blueblood.
Pressed forehead to cheeks? Impressive.
Other then that, great chapter.
1913045 Whoops, fixed that.
He deserve it, im not going to say otherwise
Blueblood please stop being bleblood
I wonder how this is going to end
I was waiting for that.
yes blueblood got what he need a good yelling at and by luna and good chap.
loved it i think you have pip spot on and luna as well i hope to see more of this but pray tell of what you are going to do with cad and shine
1913125 That'll be my little secret. *Gendopose*
That's it. I'm calling it. Right here. Right now.
1:44 EST on January 6th, 2013
Pipsqueak is best pony.
applejack.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/135096465106.png
Dat British accent.
1913135 fine be that i wont even leave with a royal goodbye
Something's missing here, though I'm not sure what.
Oh I am loving this story with a passion. AS always I only wish it would come out quicker.
1913165 Artifact from a previous version of the chapter. Went ahead and edited that bit.
I'm really getting sick of that five character tag limit, it's so stupid. Anyway this was a nice chapter so please...
MOAR!
"Oh sure, he could be polite, almost gentlecoltly so, well spoken, and had a razor sharp wit, but these gifts of his were often used to further his own agendas, instead of benefitting his country. Such a waste, really."
Unlike Luna. Who would never do such a thing as abolishing one of Equestria's most cherished holidays in a fit of anger because she found it insulting. /cough
Very nicely done. I wonder how Blueblood will react when Pipsqueak's complete ignoring of his new position as Prince - being nervous and respectful around nobles while continuing to tell things like it is - quickly makes him a far more poular - and thus, more powerful - Prince then Blueblood's obvious insincerity. I want to see Pipsqueak's first Royal Event!
Also, can't wait to see the first time Pipsqueak calls Luna Mom or something like that. It's going to be the cutest thing ever!
Looking forward to more!
Also, Blueblood, if Luna hadn't gotten to you first, you'd have a date with my butcher's knife.
Oh my god. This has to be my new all time favorite fic. Just... fantastic work, man.
gotta love it when luna does stuff like that
you sir are awesome.
1913229 Well heck, if they made a holiday that everyone loved that was basically "Run In Fear At The Horror That Is The Great Derpsby Day", would you be perfectly fine with it? Especially when you factor in that it just so happened to be the day that you tried to make your first friends in a millennium? I know I sure wouldn't.
YES
... It is official, I love Luna even more now, all because she made her nephew faint. 4 out of 5 moustaches.
That was quite good! ^-^
I hope Cadence is witty, and by the way on that same quote, OH GOD YES!
Bloody awesome chapter. So glad I saw this up date before bed. "Sleep" go needs that when there is a good story.
Pip... please call Luna "Mommy", it will make her day
Can Pipsqueak accidentally bump into a table a pie flings on Blueblood's face or new expensive coat for fun?
I am enjoyment. Moar?
"What have we learned Blueblood?"
"Hold my tongue when around Princess Luna..."
"Or?"
"Or suffer her wrath."
"Good boy. Have some caviar."
I love stories like that, especially when they have comedy in them!
As for this 'misfortune' of Blueblood, you could always make one chapter of when Pip is visited by CMC, maybe during some social visit of the Elements in Canterlot, and the four foals could conspire together in making the stuck up prince's life miserable! I mean, Sweetie Bell could consider this a payback for how he treated her sister on the first Gala, and Applebloom along with Scootaloo don't really need any other motivation for dealing with arrogant bullies (*caugh*Tiara*caugh*).
I think that one chapter about the four of them vs Blueblood would be very nice for comedy!
All we need now is to have Blueblood to have a boot to the head.
1913229
Hey, cut her some slack! Before she knew about that day she was trying to take over the world and then got a 1000 year time-out for it! We all make mistakes.
1913004 You made my day with that comment.
While I do enjoy seeing people turn Blueblood into a likeable character in different ways, I enjoy hating on him even more! It hasn't stopped being funny when he gets scolded!
Pip almost said the 'm' word... I sense a Class SSS "D'aaaaawwwww" aproaching!
Awesme premise and a story structure that seems to share the same playful yet surprisingly serious feel of the show? Well, I haven't seen anything this promising in awhile! Can't wait to see the next chapter.
1913004 Also, this.
And so it begins!!
1913004 You're not supposed to speak or type, you're Gordon Freeman afterall!
Almost forgot! C'mere Nelson...
There we go!
1913615 Write a comedy story titled something like "The 100 lessons of Prince Blueblood". Nao.
Laugh at Blueblood? Hell yes!
The type of story where you literally have to stop and flail about for a bit, is one I both love and detest.
It not only made me feel giddy emotions where I started to contemplate the meaning of family, but at the same time act like a spastic imbecile who could only screech in joy.
I'm now trying to figure out the author's dox so I can harass for more of this golden soup.
This is so beautiful, I just... D'AWWW!! Seriously this is really good and I can't wait to read more! Great job!
1913841 Yeah... that's not creepy at all. Totally.
Anypony else want to see Blueblood die from good old fashioned Cupcakes torture? Normally I wouldn't wish something like THAT on anypony, but I feel that this time, Blueblood finally hit that spot on the douchebaggedness meter d-_-b