Chapter 2 - Mind your Manners
- Chapter 2 -
"Mind your Manners"
or
"The part wherein Blueblood complains. A lot."
<><><><><>
"But Auntieee…" whined Blueblood. "Don't you care about the repercussions this could have? The nobility will cause an uproar once they catch wind of what your sister's done!"
Celestia’s expression didn't change as she listened to her nephew’s complaints. She was sure that they were valid, but for goodness’ sake, it was over a foal! She sighed, putting down a letter from her student, Twilight Sparkle. It wasn't a friendship report, but an actual letter to her; asking her how she had been, and how Luna and Pipsqueak were doing, among other things. She had been enjoying reading through it… At least until her nephew entered her study, unannounced.
"My sister did an admirable thing that day, nephew. If the nobility wishes to complain about Luna donating money to an orphanage in desperate need of staff and repairs, and finding a young colt a loving home, then let them complain." She said, the reading glasses she’d been wearing floating down from her snout to a small table beside the chair she was sitting in. "She's done nothing wrong."
Blueblood sighed. He loved his aunt dearly, but he detested it whenever she was acting stubbornly. Despite her wisdom gained from living such a long life, there were times when she was so… shortsighted.
"The gestures themselves aren't wrong, that much I admit." said Blueblood, shaking his head. "But what matters is the fact she didn't go through the proper protocols, and took the bits from the Treasury’s stores without any given reason! You yourself should know that even princesses need to follow proper protocol!"
Celestia's eyes widened, if only a little. He had a point; Luna tended to act without thinking a lot of the time. It was a trait they both shared, but Celestia managed to learn to suppress those urges, whereas Luna had to catch up on one thousand years worth of royal protocol.
"I’ll be sure to discuss it with her at some point, nephew. Will that be all?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, Auntie. There's still the matter of the foal--" he began straightening his posture.
"Pipsqueak." interjected Celestia, frowning slightly. "His name is Pipsqueak. What of him, Blueblood?"
Blueblood gulped. She used his name. That was never good; that meant her patience was wearing thin.
"Pipsqueak, then." He continued, sweat forming on his brow. "He arrived in the castle only yesterday, and I've reason to believe that adopting him might have been…" he swallowed the lump of air that had formed in his throat; this wasn't going to be easy. "… A mistake." He choked out finally, brushing a strand of hair away from his face.
For a few minutes, Celestia said nothing. She just sat in her chair, gazing at her nephew. She always gave the benefit of the doubt to everypony, with very few exceptions.
"A… mistake, you say? Wouldst thou care to enlighten us?" she asked through clenched teeth. Somewhere in the back of her mind, rather grim images of very nasty things happening to Blueblood not fit to describe on these pages began to dance about in her head, causing her to smile inwardly. It took all she had not to cackle like a madmare, so instead she settled for putting her reading glasses back on, steepling her hooves, and generally looking very menacing.
Blueblood tugged at his collar, partially because he was nervous as heck; Celestia almost NEVER lapsed into using the old royal dialogue, and also because he could swear it had gotten quite a bit warmer in the room just now. He looked to Celestia, and blinked. Was her mane always so… flamelike? It still had the same pastel colors to it, but instead of floating serenely, it seemed to dance and flicker about like a multicolored fire.
"W-well… Not so much a mistake as, well… It just seems like Princess Luna didn't seem to think this through very well." He amended, barely able to keep himself from collapsing from a combination of utter fear for his safety, and heatstroke. Seriously, it was like a furnace in here!
"Not only are his table manners atrocious…" he said, shivering as he recalled the events of that night's dinner. Such a delicious Spinach and Smoked Gouda Quiche, all over the foal's face and plate… and some of the table as well… Sure, Celestia and Luna had laughed at his antics then, but the memory was sickening for him. He sighed, straightened his posture, and forced himself to continue. "He likely has little to no knowledge whatsoever of royal decorum, and could potentially cause an international incident if he should somehow offend a foreign dignitary with his borderline barbaric mannerisms!" he cried, stomping a hoof for emphasis.
Celestia said nothing. What could she say to… that? Blueblood had a point. He had actually made a point. Pip was just a Trottingham-born foal that was raised in a Ponyville-based orphanage. Odds were that he didn't even know how to spell decorum. Still, that didn't excuse her nephew’s approach to the issue.
"Will that be all, nephew?" she asked, rubbing her temples.
"Yes, Auntie; I’ll show myself out now." He said, desperate to escape this ungodly heat.
"Oh, no need, nephew. Please, allow me." replied Celestia; an unnaturally cheery smile upon her face.
Before Blueblood could object, he felt himself being lifted up by a golden aura of magic, and unceremoniously tossed through the doors of his aunt's study, bounced down the spiraling staircase that led up to it, and into a laundry hamper that was thankfully devoid of dirty laundry that was being wheeled along by one of the castle’s homelier maids. Blueblood groaned, every single inch of his body consumed by a dull, aching sort of pain. The maid simply shrugged, dumped the prince out of the hamper, and continued on with her duties. Some things, she learned not to question, and this certainly fell under those kinds of things.
Meanwhile, in the castle’s kitchen…
"CONFOUND THEE, VILE TOASTER OVEN! THOU HAST BLACKENED OUR SON'S LUNCH OF PIZZA BAGELS AND RENDERED THEM INEDIBLE!" screamed Luna at the offending appliance that she held in her hooves. "THOU HAST TURNED OUR FOODSTUFFS INTO CHARCOAL FOR THE LAST TIME! BEGONE!"
And with that, Luna chucked the toaster oven out of the window, smiling as she heard the sound of metal crashing against pavement. Another devilish appliance, vanquished at the hooves of Princess Luna, bane of all things Oven, Toaster, and everything in between! Shaking herself free from the euphoria that her victory over the metal monstrosity had brought, she exited the kitchen, her head held high. As the large double doors swung shut, Pipsqueak’s voice could be heard out in the hallway.
"Cor blimey, Princess; that sounded like a real nasty beastie in there! All that screechin' an' wailin' an' carryin' on…" he said, riding upon the back of his adoptive mother.
Luna chuckled nervously, not having the heart that it was mostly her doing the screeching and wailing and whatnot.
"So…" she began, running a hoof nervously through her ethereal mane. "What do you say we just order some pizza instead? I'd rather not deal with any more kitchen appliances today."
"Can we get th' crust with the cheese stuffed innit? Can we, huh? Can we?" he asked excitedly, his hooves pressing against his smiling face in a manner not unlike a certain rainbow-maned Pegasus.
"Of course; just don't eat too much, or you’ll end up with a tummy ache." replied Luna, prodding the colt’s tummy with her nose, which elicited another giggle.
"Okay, okay; I'll try not to eat too much, Princess." said Pipsqueak; a grin as big as his head plastered onto his face as he swayed to and fro atop his adoptive mother.
Luna sighed; he was still calling her "Princess". Celestia's words echoed in her head as she carried the colt along. She had told her to "give it time", but how much time would it take; a few weeks? Months? Years, even? However, she was distracted by her mental wanderings by a group of whispering maidservants huddled around… something. Whatever that something was, Luna aimed to find out.
"Pardon me, but what is it that you're all so interested in, if I may ask?" asked Luna, raising an eyebrow questioningly.
Whatever it was, the maid that had been holding it held it off to the side in such a way that she couldn't see it.
"N-nothing your majesty!" she stammered out, sweat cascading down her brow. "Nothing that you or young Master Pipsqueak need to concern yourself with! N-not at all!"
Okay, now she was really curious. She craned her head to catch a glimpse of what it was the maid held in her hooves. Unfortunately, the mare was apparently a master at sleight of hoof tricks, and what was on one side in one hoof was now on the opposite side in the other hoof. Luna attempted to catch a glimpse of what it was in her hooves again and again, and was so absorbed into it that she failed to notice that the other maidservants had vacated the area, and Pipsqueak had slipped off of her back. Apparently, the maid with the ninja-like reflexes hadn't noticed either, because Pipsqueak began reading the title of the magazine held in the mare’s hoof.
"Princess Luna… Parent or… Pee-doh-filet? Pedo-feel?" he read, unsure of how to pronounce that word below "Parent" typed out in a white-with-a-black border Impact font. Luna's eyes widened, and as the maid stood there, mouth agape at the young colt, she yanked the magazine out of her hoof with her magic, and read the title.
"Princess Luna… Parent or… or…" she said, trailing off, her face paling as she struggled to get out the next word. "P-p-puh PEDOPHILE?!"
"Ohh… So THAT’S how you pronounce that word…" said Pipsqueak. He blinked, then turned to the maid that held onto the magazine, now frozen to the spot, a look of abject terror affixed to her face.
"What’s a pedophile?" he asked, his shining eyes conveying nothing but innocence. Had the maid not been struck dumb by fear, and Luna not currently trembling with rage and disgust, one of them might have answered. Instead, the maid fainted dead away, and Luna screamed so loudly, so angrily, that the entire world shook. It was a single word that she screamed; a word that once more caused Celestia to spit out her tea in a panic, though she knew the source of the voice, and thus began to make her way down from her study, whilst trampling over a semi-conscious Blueblood, her golden-shoed hooves knocking the poor Prince unconscious once more. This single word was enough to make a certain trickster spirit whose likeness was currently residing somewhere within the royal garden shudder; even it was fearful of the anger present within this word. This word was a word to send an entire Changeling hive all the way out in the Badlands into a frenzy, each of the drones buzzing and chittering confusedly while their queen attempted to calm her subjects. This was a word that made a certain butter yellow pegasus with a rosy pink mane blush fiercely, her face turning red as a tomato. It was a word that caused every parent within Equestria's borders to cover their children’s ears. This word was so violently spoken, so inherently foul, that Celestia herself deigned to interrupt its utterance.
"FUUUUUUUU--"
"Luna! Language!" came Celestia's chastising response as she rounded the stairs.
"Sorry Tia." came Princess Luna's sheepish reply. At the very least she had the foresight to cover Pipsqueak's ears as she let loose her heaven-shaking obscenity. As a result, Pipsqueak came out no worse for the wear for the ordeal, Blueblood was harmed in a physical fashion twice in one day, and several servants within the castle walls and many a guardspony were on edge for the rest of the evening. Pipsqueak and Luna got their pizza, and thus, another day within Canterlot Castle came to an end.
Stats
Page generated in 0.033 seconds
Total duration
638 users online
880,284 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Haha! I love the last part's bit!
I shalt finish it for Luna.
CCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Utterly fantastic! Love this story, thank you for that wonderful picture of Celestia with glasses on too. Fantastic!
I think it'd be kinda difficult to find somepony Luna's age anyways...
Nice chapter, I did enjoy that last part, though this story could use a bit more of Pips perspective. That having been said, I wonder how Luna's gonna handle this. Royal proclamation maybe?
Luna use the royal Canterlot cursing, It's super effective!
1935767 its not that hard to picture, really.
Only one question comes to mind at that image of Celestia and it is thus: Do you even try to run?
DGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... but she didn't say fudge.
1935777 Good point..
CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!!! Though I wish the day went on longer.
Oh man, even in this reign of tyranny the tabloids dare to accuse a princess of pedophilia
I BLAME GABBY GUM!
Now this is new...
DO GO ON
Blueblood gets owned count: 3 :D
Also, Celestia using the Royal Dialect + that pose = You have just three flipping seconds to convince her why she shouldn't hurl you into the sun.
Oh my XDDDD
And Blueblood made a point!! :O I hope he'll be a rather awkward cousin.. the good kind I mean! looking out for pipsqueak and stuff D:
When do we get to witness Luna's wrath against a percolator?
Great chapter! I can't wait to see heads roll as Celestia (and Luna) sets out on a crusade against the moron that published that article.
Amazing chapter. Looking forward for the next one.
Ah, i wonderd where Gendo learned that trick
dammit deadpool you told me you replaced the laundry with razor blades!
The first two chapters seem abruptly normal compared to this one. I thought the first chapter was heartwarming, and the second chapter humorous, so this chapter comes as surprise to see those two image links and the giant "ffffuuuu" near the end. It kind of broke the flow a little for me.
Anyway, I still think it's an amazing story so far, keep up the good work!
..The next morning, a certain pony in charge of a certain tabloid was found, his ears gone, dead from bloodloss.
I've never seen such a perfect ending to a chapter... i-it's... beautiful
hmm....i wonder who said that luna is a pedophile...oh when she finds him/her, heads will roll...
The articil is surly violating several laws right?Because what it is stating is outright slander.
Well, certainly a fun chapter. You know, I think it might be interesting if we got Pip's perspective, especially if we found out WHY he's so hesitant to refer to Luna as "Mom" or something along those lines. If it's his own misguided attempts at politeness, it can be fixed easily. If it's because he's still wondering about his birth parents causing the hesitation, we have opportunity for excessive feels. I'm not sure which I'd prefer.
Also, I would find it hilarious if Pipsqueak wound up wandering in on a meeting with a foreign dignitary and - far from offending them - they find it refreshing to speak with a noble - even one by adoption - who neither knows or cares about protocol and just tells everything like it is...especially if Blueblood's there to witness it so Celestia can shove the crow right down his throat, metaphorically speaking.
The foul Oven toaster! None shall stand in the way of Princess Luna!
1935823
We should count how many times Blueblood gets owned through the entire story.
I wonder how high the number is when the story completes.
Calamity could have easily befallen a good number of ponies that day had Luna not restrained herself still through it all Pipsqueak was none the wiser.
The last part, about "the word", reminds of this scene from Doctor Who:
I love this story so much.
I laughed so freaking hard at the part with Luna yelling at the toaster. 
Blueblood does have a bit of a point. Huh... Oh well, it's nothing a couple weeks of tutoring can't fix.
I thought it was pretty funny..!
Oh Pip, you innocent little rascal!
And so, the Canterlot Times is no longer being published!!!
1936020 Already on it. ^.=.^
1935792, I'm pretty sure a number of mothers had a heart attack that day, and probably some old granny ponies like Granny Smith. It was glorious.
Of course 1936234, the Equestria Daily took it's place.
1936132, I do believe it would be a crowning moment of awesome for Pip to grow up into a roguish princeling pirate lord... maybe like this only ponified?
a1.mzstatic.com/us/r1000/096/Purple/v4/45/19/e0/4519e076-6c96-0ed2-caee-d4487a81df6d/mza_5442174742528253778.480x480-75.jpg
True 1935938, I'd bet Celestia brings them down for Slander when she sees it. After all, her temper was enough that The resident Jerkass got punted down a flight of stairs, and he's related. Imagine those unshielded by DNA.
I shudder.
1936307Also the one who made that headline will DIEEEEEEEE
>Luna adopts foal.
>Gives him a new home of royalty, wealth, and tender love.
>News believes that she's a Pedophile because of this.
Luna, this is why we can't have nice things!
1935794 That picture actually scares me cause my old science teacher used to have that exact same look when he was pissed off. The glasses, the interlocked hands, and the aura that just screams 'I'm gonna kill you'. None of us were ever stupid enough to misbehave when he was like that.
What's with the rushed ending? I was looking forward to the pizza-eating scene.
I cannot stop laughing. That toaster oven.
That picture of Celestia remind me of anime. Another great chapter (An great picture). Please more
Please sir, can we have some more
Another great chapter. I never knew that Celestia could look so intimidating by wearing a pair of glasses. Blueblood getting owned, I have a feeling that it only has begun. Luna's rage at the toaster oven was priceless and so was her reaction to the magazine. I have a feeling that a certain magazine editor is....
That's fucked up I mean damn pedohile jeez she only want to make pip happy.
The tone keeps shifting on me. I know the story is overall comedic, but I keep thinking it's lapsing into serious-ity, and then the silliness just kinda jumps out and scares me.
That's probably on me, though.
I did love the bit with the toaster, though.
That ending was tremendously rushed, and I don't know if I like it...
1936307 Technically it would be libel, not slander. Slander is spoken, libel is in print. Or maybe they would go for general defamation. But, to be fair, defamation lawsuits are much harder to win when it comes to celebrities, just saying.
This is a great story. Please keep it up.
who else squeed when the saw the update
Doesn't the magazine realise they just committed serious libel against royalty? Their editor can't be that bloody stupid? They'll be shut down and fined millions. Their staff would be lucky to get a job that has something to do with words ever again. I mean, I know you want there to be an issue over this, but people can't be that stupid as to accuse royalty of paedophilia.