Meet Pipsqueak.
Pipsqueak, or "Pip" as he prefers to be called, has quite the imagination. There are times when he is a fearsome pirate, scourge of the seas of Equestria. There have also been times when Pipsqueak has fantasized about being a gallant prince, traveling the land, saving fair maidens, slaying wicked beasts, and being hailed as a hero by his peers. Not once did he ever imagine he'd get exactly what he wished for in the form of Princess Luna adopting him, making him an actual prince! Soon enough, Pip learns that being a prince isn't as glamorous as he thought it to be, and that there are more than a few downsides to being a part of the royal family. One in particular downside coming in the form of a nuisance named Blueblood.
On the other side of the coin, Princess Luna must adjust to her newly-found position of motherhood, balancing the task of providing her adopted foal as normal a life as possible for a young prince, while also making sure the nobility and paparazzi keep their hooves out of their business. Fortunately, this mare not only has the entirety of the Royal Guard, including her own Night Guard at her disposal, but her sister and niece also happen to be fiercely protective of the newest member of their family.
WOah... this sounds interesting, i'll have a read.
I always like these kind of stories, Scootaloo seems to get more attention but I like Pipsqueak better. Well written as well.
-Sturrn
Hmm. I have to say I like your story quite a bit! You need some work on the indentation and you may want to capitalize the title, but I haven't seen any decently written Luna adopting Pip for ages. Pipsqueak... does seem a little mature for his age, but Luna's character is done quite well and Twilight, while her outburst was a little OOC, is pretty good most of the time. The coverart... where did you get that? Because it's brilliant. Have a like and fav. BTWs. Are you interested in getting more views? Because I have a suggestion for you, PM me if you are interested.
ME F***ING GUSTA
1896644 Thanks for the like and fave. I took your suggestion and already, I'm thanking you for it. As for the coverart? I found it while searching Derpibooru, though there was no source indicated, so I just used the page I found it on as the source.
Thanks for all of the support, guys. Really, I mean it!
YES!
This is going to be AWESOME
your on my watch list.
A smashing good start to your story I do say.
Do accept a like and a fav from me, my dear boy. I expect you not to dilly-dally with the next update.
I will be watching, wat wat.
Whoa... that was brilliant.
Some odd bits here and there however:
Your use of indents was... sketchy. Sometimes they're there, sometimes they're not.
Assuming you keep them, be sure to indent all new lines of speech as well as new paragraphs.
Towards the end of the chapter:
"tone, nor dd she make"
Spelling error I presume?
I think there was another spelling error somewhere in the first quarter of the chapter but I can't for the life of me remember it. Sorry.
I would love to see more of this, liked, favorited and watching.
I was very dissapointed when I got to the end of this chapter. The reason? It was over, with no more to read yet.
You did a great job here, I hope to see more soon. Liked and faved.
Favourited for an interesting concept perfectly delivered
I am very anxious to read more.
This has potential.
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Great start! Liked and faved.
oh and have a mustache
Gleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeweeeeeeeeeeeeeeerreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder.
Will Blueblood have an understandable reason for making trouble, or will he just because he's the fandom's default boogieman..?
The premise easily allows for either. And Sweet&Elite had him appearing fairly amicable with Rarity, though I don't remember anyone ever making that point in a story.
We'll just have to wait and see.
My first thought while reading the description:
Sorry Rarity... Yet another great guy that could potentially meet your standards that just
happens to be too young for you. (The other being Spike)
And speaking of Spike... My own personal opinion about the latest episode is that Spike's
incredible clumsiness - amongst other things that were causing him to make a numerous
amount of messes - was some kind of undisclosed form of insecurity. I prefer to think that
- deep down - Spike was very uncomfortable working for someone other than Twilight and
was not able to handle even the most remedial of tasks properly.
I can't wait to see what will happen next!
Beautiful writing style, great story, and cool concept.
Waiting for more.
Oh, this'll be interesting... count me along for the ride.
I like this, although the logic for getting Pip at the library in the first place was slightly stretched, and I found Luna's emotional display later at the orphanage to be, while very touching indeed, just a tad too much, but these are little things in the grand scheme of it all.
Will follow, I'm very interested in seeing how this will play out.
great, now I have a foster brother
Mind if my story mentions yours?
This was a very entertaining read. While I greatly dislike the idea of Pipsqueak being an orphan, I absolutely love the potential in this story. I've always seen Luna as a bit of a klutzy, well-meaning older sister-type figure, so her trying to parent should be an all but endless source of humor and heart warming. I greatly look forward to where you'll take the characters.
Excellent.
That sums this up so far, just absolutely wonderful. The concept is great (albeit done before -- although, the fact that it's Luna and Pipsqueak rather than Celestia and Scootaloo makes it so much better) and I have to say, your voice is a treat to read, oh so very colorful and vibrant. It's kind of early, but this story gives off some Ambassador's Son vibes -- which, if you haven't read that story, is a good thing.
Now, one of the faults have been stated already, and that's the fact that you're using indents at random. You should probably stick with either using them or not (I personally suggest using them, but that's just me and my stylistic tendencies). The other is that Luna's little emotional breakdown for lil' Pip was a tad over the top, especially seeing as she's only just now seen him for the second time.
Finally, my last gripe with it has to do with the punctuation you use in your dialogue. You seem to always end speech with a period, when on many occasions you shouldn't. If dialogue is followed by a dialogue tag (e.g., she said, asked, stated, etc.) then the end punctuation should be a comma.
For example:
There should be a comma after fix.
Same goes for positive and then, they should have commas after them.
Other than that, I'm liking this story. Will be following with rapt attention
Post thought: Whoops, forgot to mention something. The word moves in your title should be capitalized, like every other m-word you have up there... oh, hey, nice use of alliteration there xD
DUDE, welcome to the feature box!
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Congrats on making featured 8D
Interesting, I can't wait to see where this goes.
Impressive, really cute.
This is so cute!!
I absolutely loved the characterization and accent of Pip. The quality dipped some once or twice, but overall this was an awesome job. I'm really excited to see where you take this plot bunny!
More.
ME... WANT... MORE! Um, that is, if you don't mind.
rar
That "oddly constructed door" is called either a Dutch, or Horse, door.
1899096 Good to know. I'll keep that in the event Golden Oaks Library is visited again. Not saying it'll happen, but who knows?
I'm favoriting this because of the description. and have a like.
i am not actually going to read it until another chapter comes out.
and: OH SHIT SON, PIPVSBLUEBLOOD? BLUEBLOOD'S JUST GONNA BE BLOOD BY THE END OF THIS!
Wrote a story like this long time ago...let's see how this one is. Looking forward to it
1899184 Your story was actually one of the two stories on here that inspired me to write this fic, actually. There have been plenty of fics where a character, usually Rainbow Dash, adopts Scootaloo, but hardly any where Pipsqueak gets adopted by say, Luna. To hear you say that you're looking forward to it, well... You have no idea how freaking excited that makes me!
1899199
Really? I'm honored, truly. Into the first few paragraphs, and gotta say, enjoying it.
Yep Faved and Liked! Update soon!!
FOLLOWED.
Please sir, may I have another?
oh these dam sentimental ones always get me with there cool and "convienent" (not sure what word to use) plot
Have all of my yes, my thumb, my fave, and a moustache.
That last paragraph, priceless
!
*reads description*
*likes and favorites before reading*
I could tell it had potential!
I'm hooked!
Yay! this means more for me to be a fan-girl over!
I LOVE THIS!
IM WATCHING YOU!
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That was so adorable. I thought it flowed nicely although the italicized words interrupted it in some places, but that aside I loved it. Gonna recommend this to my friends. I look forward to watching this fic progress.