The Sound of Angels

Source

Credit to http://vampireknightluver92.deviantart.com/ for the cover art. Sorry for it being so crappy, I'm still young and I made this quickly. Constructive criticism is welcomed!

Chapters (3)

The Dead One · 31st Dec 2012 · 337 words
337
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Another One Gone · 31st Dec 2012 · 307 words
307
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The Last Death(s) · 31st Dec 2012 · 464 words
464
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Comments ( 10 )

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Derplexity

Derplexity #1 · Dec 31st, 2012 · · · The Last Death(s) ·

I did read your synopsis and so therefore am aware that your grammar is the result of your young age. However, I would suggest a method called 'showing and not telling'. When you simply tell, it results in the events happening too quickly. Instead of saying 'she went to this place and such', you can describe the process she took in getting to that place. I don't know how old you are, but the vocabulary you used in the first chapter is pretty good
My only other suggestions is to practice more, one day you'll have many followers. As they say, 'Practice makes perfect.'

Shining Eyes

Shining Eyes #2 · Dec 31st, 2012 · · · The Last Death(s) ·

Okay, thanks Derp! I appreciate the criticism and this was done quickly and for a one shot dare, so I didn't really have time to add to it. Plus, I did it at midnight and 1 A.M., so I was really tired and just wanted to get it over with. Again, I appreciate the constructive criticism and I will think to practice more, and I think, with the help of my good friend Synced, I will be a great writer one of these days. Thanks.

XenoJohn

XenoJohn #3 · Dec 31st, 2012 · 1 · 1 · The Last Death(s) ·

Review:
0/10
Well your story is... Well I'll give you the review
Chapter one isn't good at all
what the f*** were you trying to do in chapter 1!
The plot for the story didn't make any sense!
The chapters that you made are too short!
Nothing in the story made sense!
My over all review is: sorry it SUCKS!
Sorry buddy you get no browny points from me.