I Would Like To Rent A Room
The eight ponies turn in the direction of the scream, then hurry off without a word, Jak in the lead, Rainbow Dash and the two Princesses flying overhead.
They come to Fluttlershy's cottage and see a gruesome sight, even in the darkness of the night. A pony sized figure is hunched over the motionless form of the butter yellow pegasus, gnawing on her wing. The figure looks up at the sound of approaching hooves and growls at the group before retreating, clearly outnumbered.
The group hurries up to Fluttershy's body to see the extent of the damage. Half of her right wing is missing, in its place are strings of blood covered muscles and feathers. Jak runs a hoof through her mane, and it comes back slick with her blood. Her right foreleg had a chunk missing right above the hoof, blood and sinew spilling out.
“She's still alive, just barely,” Jak looks to Twilight. “She needs a doctor immediately. Can you teleport her to the hospital?”
Twilight mutely shakes her head. “N-no. It would not be safe considering how much blood she has lost.”
“Damn it,” Jak curses. He looks around, thinking of options. His eyes settle one the cyan colored, rainbow mane pegasus in the group. “You say you're the fastest flier in Equestria?”
“Well, yeah,” Rainbow Dash responds, then adds abrasively, “but what does that have to do with anything? One of my-”
She is silenced by a gesture from Jak. “Then prove it. Get Fluttershy to the hospital as quickly as possible. We will follow behind.”
Rainbow nods once before gently scooping up her bleeding friend, taking off into the night, a rainbow streak following in her wake.
“Come on, y'all,” Applejack says. “We better hurry.”
The ponies start galloping, but are stopped by growling behind them, coming from the forest. The seven ponies look behind them slowly. Facing them is a pack of fifteen wolves. Well, at least they had the shape of wolves. Their bodies seemed to be made of wood.
“Timberwolves,” Celestia says. “Everypony, run! They will not stray far from the forest!” The group of ponies turns and gallops away as fast as they can. After five minutes of running, the timberwolves have not stopped chasing them.
“Great plan, Princess,” Daxter interjects sarcastically. “They won't stray far from the forest.”
“They never do,” Celestia replies in a panicked tone. “They never have.”
Jak looks to the Princess's. “Can you carry the other four out of here?” They nod. “Then go. Take them to the hospital.”
“What about you?” Luna asks. At the determined look on Jak's face, she continues, “You don't plan on fighting them do you?” She looks shocked.
He nods once, “Of course, I do. I see no other option. Hurry!” The other ponies nod, and Twilight and Rarity clamber on to Celestia's back, Applejack and Pinkie Pie on Luna's. “I will meet you at the hospital.” The two Princesses take off into the night, and Jak turns back to face his pursuers.
“If we die from this, Jak,” Daxter yells, “I will never speak to you again. Obviously.”
Jak smiles, “C'mon, Dax. When have I even gotten us killed?”
“Yeah. Well now's not a good time to start.”
The timberwolves are upon them now, and attack with in a flurry of claws and teeth. Jak spins, lashing out his back hooves, clipping the jaws of some of the wolves, knocking them off. The wolves snarl in pain and lunge, again, at their prey. Jak dashes forward, right foreleg extended. He catches a wolf in the chest, the wolf splintering into a hundred pieces. Jak spins again, this time, the wolves being closer this time, he knocks of a few heads. As Jak turns to face his next attacker, he feels a sharp pain stretch across his back. He cries out in agony and bucks his back hooves out behind him. He feels wood splinter underneath his hooves. Another timberwolf takes advantage of Jak's momentary distractedness to take a chunk out of Jak's left foreleg. Jak cries out again. He spins again to give himself some room. He limps back a few steps to survey the situation.
His most recent spin kick took out another three wolves. There are now five left. Two of those five have missing lower jaws. The wolves are eyeing him warily. Jak sighs resignedly, then launches himself once more at the wolves, kicking and punching. Shattering chests and knocking of heads. A few minutes later, Jak stands in a pile of sticks, panting heavily.
“Well, now that that's out of the way...” he starts limping in the direction of the hospital.
“Uh, Jak?”
“Yeah, Dax?” Jak sounds tired.
“I don't think we're done yet.”
Jak turns around to see all the wood on the ground start glowing green.
“Well, sh-”
He is cut of by a loud creak as all the wooden parts of the various wolves start forming into one giant timberwolf. The wolf towers over him, at least three times his size.
“Well, double sh-”
He is interrupted again, this time by the beast roaring loud enough to be heard all throughout Equestria.
“Aw, COME ON!” Jak yells. “You're a big ass monster. The least you could do is have the decency to properly express my feelings.” He picks up a rock and throws it at the giant timberwolf. As luck would have it, the stone flew into the beast's mouth, lodging in its throat.
The timberwolf freezes. It reaches a claw up to its throat as it makes coughing noises. Suddenly, it completely stops moving, and falls forward, shattering into a thousand pieces.
“Huh?” Dax says. “That was anticlimactic.”
Jak frowns at the pile of wood, “Yeah, tell me about it.” He stays for a few minutes, making sure the beast will not regenerate again, and, finally, makes his way, limping, to the hospital.
As he enters through the sliding glass doors of the hospital, Jak is greeted by a rush of purple fur. As Twilight hugs him, he looks to Celestia. “How's Fluttershy?”
Celestia looks at him somberly, “She is stable, now. She will never be able to fly again, but her leg should mend. There will be scarring, however.”
“Is she awake?”
“No. Not yet. It is a sleep of tiredness, now, not the unconscious stupor she was in before.”
Jak nods once. He breaks Twilight's hug and limps over to a chair, where he leans back and heaves a tired sigh as he closes his eyes.
“You're hurt,” Celestia's tone is not a question.
“It's nothing,” Jak waves a his right forehoof to dismiss her worry.
“It certainly is not 'nothing,'” Twilight this time. “You have a bigger chunk out of your leg than Fluttershy. We are getting you in to see a doctor.” At Jak's protesting moan, she states loudly, “Now!”
Jak slowly gets up from his comfortable chair. “Yes, mom.” He limps up to the counter. “I would like to rent a room, please.”
The nurse, Redheart, Jak recognizes her, looks incredulous. “Sir, this is not a hotel where you can rent a room. This is a hospital. We treat the sick and injured.”
“Oh, right. Yeah I need that then.” Jak looks down and, for the first time notices bloody hoof prints on the floor. His bloody hoof prints. He then turns his gaze to his leg, which is still gushing blood. “He looks up to nurse Redheart. “Yeah, I think I'll take one of those rooms, now.” He promptly faints on the ground.
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Hehehe, the last part
I loved the large timberwolf in Spike At Your Service giving a 'wait a minute' gesture before he coughed
1923602 thats where i got the idea
1923611 I'm aware
1923625 just making sure
1923667 that sum' bitch
Alternate line:
"Hi, would you mind if I rented one of your rooms? I appear to by dying again."
This story lacks ecos. Theirs not only dark and light. Theirs also red, blue, and yellow ecos. Just like the sages
1923667 1923801 1923869 i love all yall. Yall done made me smile. Oh and sorry bout the fluttershy part.if it ma
kes any difference i hadnt planned on that happening until the end of last chapter
1923921 you might be on to something
1923953 all indue time
Oh fuck... i feel sorry for flutters. But, it was necessary to the plot and hooves are just as dextrous as her wings.
1924010 i felt sorry for her too, but yes it does drive the plot. No not that plot you perve
1924039 i only think of that plot when reading a fic tagged mature.
1924099 okay then
Even with a huge chunk of his leg missing he can still crack a hoke before passing out. Now you know that Jak is a bad dude.
And now random faces:
Will Fluttershy be at least healed with Light or Green Eco? Cause it would suck if she was crippled for life. And a couple of you said it was necessary for the plot. What kind of plot needs this level of brutality on one of the sweetest characters in cartoons?!
1924707 what the plot needed was a stage set up so i can introduce the main villain
1924387 adrenaline is a helluva thing
1924387 and also he wasnt joking he wax delious from blood loss
MOAR!!!
Rubber ducky, you're the one. You make bathtime, lots of fun...
1928818 do what now
1928840 Perfect last thing for Jak to have said there right before he passed out.
"I'd like to rent a room please."
"This isn't a hotel, sir. It's a hospital."
"Then I'll need 30 cc's of bright yellow ducky, stat..."
"What?"
"Rubber ducky, you're the one. You make bathtime, lots of fun!" Bam! He hits the floor.
Don't mind me, going on my second all nighter with less then 3 hours of sleep!
How many tomatoes does it take to count a rhino? Blue!
(His eyes settle one the cyan colored, rainbow mane pegasus in the group.) "One" needs to turn into "on".
(“Come on, y'all,” Applejack says. “We better hurry.”) Based on precedent of previous sentences, you have used that when there is a comma before a sentence is cut off, the next word of dialouge is most of the time lower case. In this sentence, if going off this precedent, you need to lower case the "We".
(“Everypony, run! They will not stray far from the forest.”) This to me was a rapid change in tone; you go from a Royal Canterlot Voice to a declaritive sentence. I suggest that you either change the period into an exclamation mark or change the sentence entirely to where an exclamation mark would be more appropriate.
(“They never do,” Celestia replies in a panicked tone. “They never have.”) Same problem as before. Please write back on which one you will be using more. Either change this one to where "They" becomes "they" or tell me that you like it that way so words that are lower case in this situation become upper case.
(Luna asks. At the determined look on Jak's face, she continues, “You don't plan on fighting them do you?” She looks shocked.) Remove first period and lower case "At". Also, I was a bit confused on Luna's actions; she looks at Jak's face, says something, then looks shocked. I didn't quite follow that entirely. In my opinion, of course you don't have to change this if you don't want to, it would be face, shocked, then says something.
(“Of course, I do. I see no other option. Hurry!”) The way you put this, Jak pauses in between "course" and "I" which isn't supposed to be there. To be stated correctly, remove the comma so it is a clear-cut sentence.
(“If we die from this, Jak,” Daxter yells, “I will never speak to you again. Obviously.”) As stated in the narration, Jak yells, yet it is a declaritive sentence. To make the narration correct, make the first period an exclamation mark. You don't have to make the second one an exclamation mark, but if you feel like you should it would still fit in.
(“Aw, COME ON,” Jak yells. “You're a big ass monster. The least you could do is have the decency to properly express my feelings.”) Another example of "false narration". "Jak yells" but he's not yelling. I would suggest replacing all of the periods with exclamation marks.
(At Jak's protesting moan, she states, “Now!”) *sighs* I think you're getting the two mixed up my friend. You used "false narration" yet again, but this time the opposite of the others. Twilight yells, but you only put she states. Statements would be declaritive, not exclamatory unless you put "states loudly" or something along those lines.
(He limp up to the counter.) Change "limp" to "limps" to use correct tence.
(“He looks up to nurse Redheart.) Remove the quotaion mark for they are not needed.
Dear Luna it's been a while since I've done this...you had quite a bit of grammar mistakes, but they were small so don't get down at yourself
The chapter was awesome...but Fluttershy
DJ-Pon-3 approved
2033818 yes but remember the author's notes i was watching football
At least Dash got to carry her fillyfriend to safety...
poor Fluttershy.
I'll try to stop leaving comments as I go. But this is a good story. A rare one too.
1: Fluttershy doesn't scream.
2: Hurting Fluttershy is a pretty dumb move as an author unless its a dark.
I will continue but with much less enthusiasm.
Just read the next chapter. Good u heal her will continue.
I lol'd at the end when jak fell unconscious
how could you hurt fluttershy
To answer your questions yes Jak is human, says so in the broadcasting "news stands" 2 you just have to sit wait and listen, and the second one: that reAlly isn't how it works those tear drops really were Crystals that power the thing at the end, unless you mean the thing at the bottom of the screen in three then it just measures how much he has, (I think of it as his Mars seal"
dammit redheart, it was a figure of speech, do ponies even talk sarcasm
Why did he not just heal himself after fighting the timberwolves? Surely the demonstration he gave wouldn't have depleted his entire supply of light eco.
....i'll get some spell books that have powerful healing magic!!!! *zooms off in super speed*
Good chapter 👍