Scenes Out of Context

by ShadowBro

Pony Wars 1

Twilight Sparkle ran carefully, but swiftly, through what had once been the Financial District of Canterlot. Ever since the War had reached the Equestrian capitol, the Financial District had been the staging ground for both sides as they fought for the city. Behind her, in a line that quietly snaked its way through buildings and alleyways, cantered the rest of her platoon. "Lieutenant" they called her now. The news that the Element Bearers had enlisted had been good for morale, and the fact that at least three of them had turned out to be unusually good leadership material had boosted the spirits of every soldier in Equestria. Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie were better off in support roles, but Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight herself had all gone to the front lines.

It was to Applejack that Twilight now ran.

"Lieutenant Sparkle, enemy troops at one and ten o'clock!" called one of her scouts, skidding down a hill of rubble and saluting briefly. "Lieutenant Applejack is pinned at the twelve, she's going to be flanked if we don't help."

"What do we have?" asked Twilight.

"Two platoons of Changeling Grenadiers, ma'am," reported the scout. "They've got Griffonic Mortars too, but without claws they can't load them very quickly. The Grenadiers at 10 o'clock are screening the mortars, so their acting as the anvil. Enemy at one o'clock is moving quickly to hammer Lieutenant Applejack's platoon. It's a classic pincer movement."

"Understood, Private," Twilight said with a nod, dismissing the colt to his squad while unslinging the slingshot that all unicorns carried. Made of steel and high-tensile elastic, it could launch a stone pellet at lethal velocity and crack the skull of a Changeling at 50 yards. Coupled with the fact that said pellets could be enchanted to explode, and, well....

"Sergeant Bull, take your squad and suppress those mortars," said Twilight, all business. "Ready your slings to fire high explosive rounds and stay at range. "Everypony else, we'll swing right and catch the Changeling in enfilade. All units are to hold fire until I give the signal. Understood?"

A chorus of affirmatives.

"Move."

The platoon split up into its four squads. Third Squad, under Sergeant Bull, moved left, while everypony else moved right with Twilight. They moved quickly, but calmly, and extremely quietly. Twilight allowed herself to smile as she took cover below a rise and loaded her sling. They'd learned well.

Now came the calm just before the storm. Twilight watched carefully for her soldiers as they slid into position. The noise of the battle, where her friend is fighting for her life, dims to a quiet hum. Her heart beat quickened as she prepared herself to dive into battle once more. Magic welled up in her as Twilight enchanted her stone.

Three.

Two.

One.

"Open fire!" she shouted, leaning out and launching her own pellet.

The Changeling line bloomed in fire as the pellets strike home, bursting to scorch chitin and scald eyes. A great shriek went up as the Changelings reeled back in confusion before a second volley hit home. Their physiology was strong, however, and despite the destructive power of the unicorn slingshots, it is difficult to kill a Changeling. Even wounded, a Changeling could fire magic or fly to dive bomb you, where their fangs would finish the job.

But battle was about conserving energy, and if Twilight could drive off the Changelings without killing them, then they'd have accomplished the objective for this mission. Lethal force wasn't necessary when you didn't have to win, just not lose. Saving Applejack's platoon was primarily a defensive action, not an offensive one.

"Charge!!" came a shout from Applejack's platoon, and as one, the survivors dived into the Changeling line, using the confusion and the bladed edges attached to their hooves to make a hole to push through.

"Squads One, Two, and Four, affix horn-blades and move to support!" Twilight shouted immediately, unsheathing her own weapon and tying it on securely before checking her squads for readiness. They were. Nodding in satisfaction, she braced herself and turned.
"Charge!!"

Over the top they went, galloping down to smash into the remaining Changelings and utterly tear apart the line. A hole was made, and now Applejack's Platoon poured through, bucking and hacking their way to Twilight's Platoon. There was a brief confusion as the two allied platoons met, but this was quickly straightened out and both platoons began to fall back. The mortars had long since been broken up, and Third Squad was pelting the second platoon of Changelings from a far, running back and forth out of cover as the Changelings tried to close the distance.

Then, a flash of light. Twilight spared a glance upward as she stabbed a Changeling to see Rainbow Dash and her Lancers crash out of the sky. The swath of destruction they left was the perfect opportunity for both Lieutenants to call their troops back and run the hell away. Cries of "Disengage!" and "Fall back!" rang out along the Equestrian line, and with the Changelings reeling back from the Lancer attack, there was little resistance as both platoons ran back and over the rubble into the Ruins and back towards the main line.

"Bit of a dilemma you got yourself into there, eh Applejack?" said Twilight with a grimace, wiping Changeling ichor out of her eyes as they ran.

"We were caught unawares," said Applejack with a snort. "Damn stupid of me not to have scouts on the wings. Wanted to give the girls a bit of a rest this time. This was sappposed tah be a standard security patrol, but-."

"Applejack, you know where this line of thought leads," reproached Twilight, glancing about to check the cohesion of their platoon. So far so good, nobody was dropping out. Overhead, Rainbow Dash flew security. Maybe they'd have a chance to talk when they got back to HQ. Twilight turned back to Applejack. "Don't beat yourself up over what you couldn't have known."

"Ah know, Twi, it's just-" Applejack broke off with a sigh. "You know how it is."

"Yeah."

The run continued in silence.

Author's Note:

So it was mentioned that I should probably tell some more about what's going on.

Basically: I have no idea. Looking back, this... thing... is basically a giant thing of me plucking characters out of thin air and throwing them into a situation with absolutely no attempt to decide if it actually made sense.

Feel free to hate the crap out of this if you want. I legitimately didn't even try (beyond writing words, I suppose).

Comments

[Regidar]

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbf6wzuMfm1rdlo6no10_250.gif

[ShadowBro]

1781724

I have no idea what this means.

[Regidar]

1781876

[ShadowBro]

1781955

Oh. Thanks!

[Roobles]

They're completely out of context though, so keep that in mind.

i.imgur.com/pB8ZC.png

Edit:
It's a bit too technical and coldly descriptive for my tastes. It didn't make me feel very much.

[lolcatsmanseven]

So I am here to make a review,
that will hopefully help you.
So, author, sit back, take a seat,
and I'll show why I'm an elite.

Your summary makes no sense,
Reading it left me quite incensed.
I had no idea what I should expect,
That is why it, you should reject.
It should give some insight into your story,
So yours should say that your tale is war-y.
Your authors note has me believing
This is an expiriment in the art of storytelling.
If it truly is the way that it seems to me,
You should (again) put that in your summary.

Now, I move on, into the actual first part,
And I have to say: it is an interesting start!
However, I have a few questions, rather large,
Such as why would Celestia put twilight in charge?
Yes, I know Twilight is an element of harmony,
But they have moping more qualified? Not any?
I don't think Twilight has the fortitude to be
An actual cammander in Equestria's army.

Now, Rainbow Dash would be even worse,
She probably wouldn't obey orders, however terse.
On a real battlefield, showing off will get you killed.
A soldier with a Hero-complex, leaves a spot to be filled.

Again with Applejack, she has never demonstrated
The ability to be a cammander first-rated.

You said Twilight is a lieutenant, and the she enlisted.
However for officers: the correct term is commissioned.
Yes I know that it's a minor flaw, yeah it's true,
But when you use military speak, you should check too.

Now, you should know, your writing isn't bad,
But you tell instead of show, just a tad.

So overall, a good start, just work on the presentation,
Take special effort for your summary, and characterization.

lolcatsmanseven, the Rhyming Section Trainee from the Impartial Investigation Ensemble

[Shrek the Ogre]

1781955>>1781962fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/061/7/f/picture_unrelated_by_madnessabe-d4rhxp9.jpg

[ShadowBro]

1782390

Summary, indeed, could be done with more detail. There's a surprising amount of activity, to be honest. For example, the fact that I'm doing these as no more than word vomit and aren't actually trying to hard should be part of the summary. A lot of the issues you bring up are reasons why I would NOT try to expand this scene-thing into anything resembling a story, but the idea was that occasionally something amusing comes to mind and word vomit isn't entirely distasteful as long as it's understood that nothing was actually proof-read or screened for logicality (which isn't a word). These are things I should put in the summary, clearly, but do you feel that there's any need to explain some of the things that brought about the word vomit? For this particular entry, I started with a song (I lost it on the interwebs, sorry), and it sort of was expelled from there. Is that something that I should put in the author's note?

Anyway, thanks for the feedback.

1782483

If you refer to the story itself, I reworked the summary and added a more detailed author's note. That should (hopefully) explain most of what's going on.

[Shrek the Ogre]

1782486 That pic has nothing to do with anything.

[Keijy]

I actually liked this.
Sure, it wasn't great, but I liked the ideas and partially, the execution was done well.
A whole story like this would be great, if there was more emotion.
Not a favorite, but I don't see where the hate is coming from.

[ShadowBro]

1782662

Dude, I don't even understand why you're reading this story. The fact that you actually spent time going through it as pretty damn flattering.

[Listie The Scribe Maid]

Alt. Title: ShadowBromento