Everypony knows how much Rainbow Dash loves to scare other ponies, but could her innocent pranking possibly go too far?
After the mane six take a camping trip to the Everfree Forest, Rainbow will learn just how easily "a little fun" can get way out of hoof. Everyone's favorite prismatic pegasus will have to learn a lesson about respect for the comfort zones of her friends, especially a particularly timid yellow mare.
Will Dash be able to overcome her pride to do what is right?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm not sure why this is getting more dislikes than likes atm. I haven't read it yet, and the story premise isn't all that engaging, but it certainly seems better written than a lot of other stories on the front page (at least from what I've seen so far). I'll put it in my read later list and let you know what I thought when I'm done.
I thought it was very episodic.
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Well, this was certainly not poorly written as far as grammar goes. However, I would suggest reading the story out loud to yourself to catch the handful of errors that did manage to sneak through.
As far as non-RD characterization goes, I think you got them relatively well. I feel Pinkie could have had a little more character to her though, instead of being entirely gaggy and jarring (the bit at the end was the only part I was ok with for her). For Rainbow Dash and the plot as a whole, it felt a lot like the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well episode, which is not a good thing coming from me, but I still think your characters and progression of plot portrayed much better flow in comparison.
As for RD's characterization, there were a handful of traits that were pressed in the story that I don't particularly agree with. Firstly, Fluttershy usually gets her way with Dash without much opposition in the show. I like that you referenced their history of friends since fillyhood, but it bothered me that canon bits such as the fact that RD agrees with Pinkie to not prank Fluttershy back in "Griffon the Brush Off" nor does she even try to scare her at all in "Luna Eclipsed" seemed to be ignored. And lastly, RD usually listens to her friends in the show, if on occasion she needs a little extra pushing (AJ is the prideful one that refuses help regularly until cider season happens). This last bit is also the primary reason I don't like MMDW, since they don't talk to her until the end and RD just accepts their lecture bit (which you avoided by having a talk in the hospital, good job there). Oh, and I guess I don't enjoy the idea that RD would ever be afraid enough to not help her friends if she thought they were in danger, but that's more personal opinion than anything else.
Overall: I would say you write well, put together an interesting premise, but fell short on some characterization issues that may or may not conflict with canon premises.
I gave you this review because it's your first fic and I'm now actually working on my first one too... time for sleep though. Good luck and I hope you keep writing!
Fairly predictable, but I liked it.
To be Scare or not to be Scare,That Is The Question
Nice story. There might have been a part or two that needed work but overall I liked it
Very well written.
More than a few eps of this series has this kind of leaping before thinking in it anyway. (22 min eps leave little time for setup and execution) So it ties in with the style of the show. Thou This line {Finally, Applejack spoke, "Ah don't know 'bout y'all, but Ah think it's about time we teach Rainbow Dash a lesson about respect fer others."} and the scare they preform later on plus the revel at the end gives me a Mysterious Mare Do Well vibe that irks me. I really find that ep controversial for me [I love all the links to comics and TV shows parts of that ep and hate the passive/aggressiveness and tough love parts of it as well], so I have this knee-jerk reaction to dislike that part of your story. Thou, my bias towards RD may have a factor in that as well. RD and to a lesser degree TS are the main reasons I watch this show (Real Life Nostalgia and old friends, human ones of course
). All in all well done especially for a first try, but its not my cup of tea, but do write more regardless for if you try to please everybody, you will please nobody.
The lines {"And she promises to never intentionally scare anypony ever again."} and {"Well, Ah'd say that was pretty clear," said Applejack, triumphant "Wouldn't you agree Miss 'Cool'?"}, just proves that a stubborn head will prefer to collide than to compromise. Which leads to hurt feelings later on {"Well... Oh, what the hay." Applejack decided, "Ah was jus' angry when Ah said that. Ya don' have to stop scarin' everypony, ya jus' gotta know who all it's OK to scare an' when."}. IF only AJ said the last part first instead.
And in my mind after Rainbow scared Fluttershy that last time, that Fluttershy was gonna call in some "friends" from a Mafia like group and get them to have a "chat" with Miss Raindbow Dash.
Which is now a thing I want to read, or see as a picture.
1780067
Thanks for the comments drankito.
Believe it or not, I actually had a lot more Pinkie Pie in this story before I edited it down. The first draft was almost 12,000 words! I ended up cutting out most of her characterization because I had a lot of trouble writing for Pinkie as anything other than a comic relief, I felt I wasn't doing her justice. It's something I'm currently working on and will be sure to include in later stories.
As for Rainbow Dash (this is a very unpopular opinion, and I'm going to take the risk of voicing it) I think she is an over-idealized character, at least among fanfic writers. I realize that she may have been a little more harsh or stubborn than many are used to, but that was just my way of reflecting a specific character flaw upon her. I think everypony should have visible character flaws, it makes them more interesting.
I guess it doesn't stick perfectly to the show's interpretation, but as fanfic authors we have some creative licence, no?
Anyway, I'm rambling. Thanks again, I appreciate the input!
1781838 Yeah, I don't know how exactly I'm going to flesh out Pinkie. I think all the others are much easier to write for, but her? She's so random!
And of course we get creative license! We do what we want! I just don't think that particular flaw of RD was directed towards the right pony. I could see her being a complete jerk-off about something towards any of the others, but she typically has a ton more empathy for Fluttershy. She's definitely a pony that acts/speaks before thinking most of the time and makes a lot of mistakes along the way, but she always takes ownership for her actions (good and bad).
Also, if you browse the subreddit, an unsavory opinion of Rainbow Dash doesn't seem to be that unpopular nowadays and I wouldn't even say you portrayed her harshly or wrongly (other than choosing to abandon her friends at the end).
Anyway, again, good luck with future works!
This touches on my main peeve with Rainbow Dash: for all her loyalty and courage, she can be just so insensitive! In the episode with the camping trip, she couldn't tell that Scootaloo was honestly terrified by the ghost stories. She couldn't tell that Scootaloo did NOT sleep well one night, and she couldn't tell that Scootaloo did NOT want to hear any more ghost stories. Granted, Scootaloo WAS trying to hide her fear, but... GAAAH!
MINE HAS BALLOONS! XD Loved it, it felt like an actual chapter, great job!
I can actually see this being turned into an episode.