Chapter 1
A Queen's Final Revenge
Chapter One
Twilight was having a wonderful dream. She was with all her friends at Sugercube Corner having a slumber party. The room they were in was dark as midnight with nothing but a signal flashlight to illuminate it. Pinkie had just finished telling her ghost story and now it was Twilight's turn
"Come on girls I don't want to scare you to bad right before bed .", she said sounding very cocky in her story telling abilities,"but if you insist." She opened her mouth to start her story ,but before she could, purple flames began to lick at the base of her hooves. She tried to scream but no sound could be heard as the flames crawled up her legs revealing hole ridden hooves. As the flames climbed higher and higher it revealed the form of a changeling but not like the drones that had attacked Canterlot.
Then all her friends began to scream at her, "What have you done with Twilight.", They never gave her time to answer as they all egged closer prepared to beat her. Then they all raised their hooves to beat her to death, and she screamed."
__________
She woke screaming covered In sweat and tangled in blankets.Oh thank Celestia it was just a dream. It was just a dream. The door burst open reveling a worried Spike. He stood there for a moment with a blank stare plastered on his face and his jaw on the floor. "Spike it was just a dream don't worry."
Spike composed himself and charged Twilight, scroll in hand. Spike was beating Twilight with a scroll while screaming the same sentence that her friends had in her dream. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH TWILIGHT."
"Spike first get off of me and second I am Twilight." What's up with him. She thought while pulling Spike of of her with magic.
"NO YOUR NOT, TWILIGHT'S A PONY NOT A CHANGELING YOU SCUM. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER." Spike screamed at the top of his lungs.
"I'm not a changeling, I'm Twilight." Twilight spoke trying to keep calm but there was still anger threaded into her voice.
Spike figured his screaming wasn't going to get him anywhere so he decided to calm himself and act rationally "Well then changeling look in that mirror and tell me how it's possible that you're Twilight
I bet Rainbow put him up to this. This just screams Rainbow. "Fine I'll do it, but all it'll do is prove that all this just a cruel..........joke." her last word dropped to a whisper as she stared into her refection. What she saw in the mirror, standing where she should be, was a monster. She then proceeded to drop to her knees and begin crying.How is this happening to me. Why is this happening to me. Just yesterday I was a regular pony. What happened, what changed.
Spike looked at the sight before him he saw a purple changeling, crying. Out of all the things that he thought about changelings he had never thought that they would cry. This makes no sense changelings don't cry, there cold blooded killers. But this one is, maybe it lost its memory and it really thinks it's Twilight. I know I'll test it. "I don't think a regular changeling would start crying at the sight of its own reflection, so I'll give you one chance to prove that you are the real Twilight. I'm going to ask a question, if you get it right you're the real Twilight if not I'm going to alert the police of your presence.
"O-sniffle-kay."
"Good now answer this question correctly: What is Celestia's birthday."
"February 31, 1 A.C.( After Celestia)." she managed to between sobs.
As soon as Spike heard her answer he sprinted at Twilight and tackled her to the ground in a bear hug. "Twilight I am so so sorry.", At his words she felt a strange sensation throughout her entire body, making her stronger.Now this is interesting. I can feel his love all around me, and it's delicious. ,"Twilight what happened to you." he whispered in her ear with concern.
I have no idea what the hay is going on. How did this happen. Maybe Chrysalis cursed me or something. We'll have to figure out what's going on later right now I have to be strong, for Spike. "To tell you the truth Spike I don't faintest clue what's going on, but what I do know is that you need to leave this room and cover your ears."
"Why."Spike whined
"No buts."
"Fine." he moaned.
Spike shuffled out of the room. As soon as he closed the door he could hear Twilight screaming words of such profanity that a sailor would be disgusted. After ten straight minutes of cursing, Twilight came down the stairs."Sorry Spike I really shouldn't talk like that.
"It's fine but you seem to be taking this.......rather well actually. Usually you'd be going off-the-wall crazy right now."
He's right I should be going crazy right now. Maybe being a changeling makes me naturally makes me good at deceiving ponies, I guess that includes hiding my true emotions. "To tell you the truth Spike I am going off-the-wall crazy, on the inside. I guess being a changeling makes me naturally good at hiding my true emotions. We'll have to due some research on my new abilities later but for now we have some reading to due."
Some Time Later
"Well that was useless.",they had searched the whole library and hadn't found one book with even a single paragraph with the word 'changelings' in it ,"Looks like we'll have to do our own research."
Knock Knock
"Twilight you in there. I'm here to pick up the new 'Daring Do' book."
"And this is a perfect start, let test my abilities to disguise and deceive." Okay now how do I disguise myself. I know I'll try thinking about what I looked like yesterday maybe that will work. And sure enough it did.
Spike looked at his life long friend/mother as purple flames began to engulf her from tail to horn. When the flames died down he could see Twilight, the way she should be. It's good to see her back to normal, the whole changeling look was creeping me out.
"Spike could you go to the bedroom and observe. I need an external source to take down notes on the interaction, okay."
"Yes, Twilight." he gave a mock salute and sped off to the bedroom leaving the door open a crack with a notepad and quill in claw."
Knock Knock
"Twilight you in there."
"Yea, coming." Twilight trotted over to the door and opened it with lavender magic. She gave Dash a innocent smile and said "Oh hi there Dash whats new."
"The new 'Daring Do' book just came out and I'm here to pick it up." she said excitement evident in her voice.
"Well it's not here quit yet but it will be arriving later today along with some other books I ordered from Canterlot." she lied. The 'Daring Do' book had arrived yesterday but she hadn't put it on the shelves yet. "Would you like to stay for some tea while we wait."
"Sure, I guess."
"This is weird, I can literally feel the disappointment rolling off of her." "Look Dash I know that you were really looking forward to that book but it'll be here in just a few hours. I'll go make the tea you, stay here." Twilight went to the kitchen heated up the water with her magic, put in the tea bags and came back out to the living room. She levitated one of the cups over to Dash.
"Thanks Twilight." Dash said depressed. Twilight mused that she would be able to feel her sadness even if she wasn't a changeling.
"Dash are you ok, you seem depressed." Twilight said with genuine concern even though she was loving the constant influx of emotion."Note to self: can feed on more emotions than just love."
"It's nothing you want to hear."
"Oh but I do, you're my friend and I want to help you. Now tell me what's wrong." she said calmly but with authority in her voice almost like a mother.
"Well you see I'm.....I'm scared." she said defeated.
"Now what ever could make you scared."
"My parents are coming to visit and I'm scared. Scared that I won't be good enough for them, scared that they won't love me."she was starting to cry, slowly letting tears flow down her cheeks.
"Now what would make you think that."Twilight said genuinely worried.
'I'm from a foster home, I've never met my real parents" ,she said just above a whisper, "but tomorrow, that's going to change and I'm scared."
Twilight was going to console her friend but her changeling instincts took over, "Dash if you're really that scared then I have something that will take all those worries and fears away, are you interested." ,Dash just gave a slow nod, "Okay then follow me." Twilight got up and started over to the basement door and motioned for Dash to follow, she did.
__________
Spike noticed that the girls were getting up and heading for the basement. Now what could those two be up to. Spike thought to himself as he made his way to the basement door. As he reached a claw out to the open the door it opened in an aura of lavender magic. "Hi Twilight, where's Rainbow."
"She's...uh....preoccupied at the moment. She'll be back up in a few hours. Until then you not to even touch the basement door, understood."
"Understood." ,Spike knew better than to disobey Twilight. Besides she did promise that Rainbow would be back up in a few hours so what was there to worry about.
In the Basement
Despite the fact that all the lights were all off, the library basement was lit faintly in a deep purple glow. This light was emanating from a purple cocoon glued to one of the far walls.
Stats
Page generated in 0.03 seconds
Total duration
674 users online
1,028,656 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
A few errors here and there like not capitalizing a character's name a few times, and that Dashie or Dash thing you did in the dream sequence at the beginning (where you typed Dashe) I make lots of mistakes myself so I am probably missing several others too.
Still decent story, dood. Keep it up.
EDIT: Oh shit...first, dood!
1781173
Thanks for catching that I went though it and I think I got them all
Decent story. Have some Pinkies.
1781278
Thanks I've never had pinkeys before
Man I love this story. More please
I haven't done a review in a while... Here goes.
There are a lot of formatting and punctuation errors, but I've seen worse and the story was still readable. Most of the problems are with dialogue and quotation marks. You might want to find an editor to help you on future chapters, and to fix up this one.
Take a break from the Internet for a little bit. This kind of thing takes readers out of the story.
It's an interesting concept, but I think it needs to have a bit more emotional weight to it. The scenes were a bit short and bland, but there's definitely a lot of potential. I think you also need to explain at some point how Twilight became a changeling - it's kind of vague at this point. How was Chrysalis just now able to do this to Twilight, while Twilight was asleep at home?
Overall, a decent start, so keep going with it.
What 1781457 said. Also, I would suggest slowing down a bit, the pacing is really quick. Flesh out the story a bit more. You could delve more into Twilight's thoughts and feelings, not to mention Spike's. Even if the change makes it easier for her to hide her emotions, she's still having them.
Interesting concept, but the execution is rushed and sloppy. Don't be afraid to take your time and build some emotional weight, as 1781457 put it. Also, you should really pay closer attention to grammar, punctuation, word choice, etc. Little things like commas might not seem very important, but using them correctly makes a story work better as a whole.
1781686>>1781475>>1781457
Thank you all for the honesty I'll do what I can and later in the story her transformation will be explained
And to all you that faved this story i must thank you because in the first two hours this story has received 16 favs
I would like to point out canonly Twilight is a good scary story teller, much more effective than Rainbow.
Season 1, Episode 8
Holy shit the people you got on this story.
Well, this is a story I've seen before... several times... and proceeds in exactly the same way... including Rainbow being the first victim of Changelight Darkle.
And yet somehow it manages to be the most feeble attempt.
You definetly got this idea from the story 'The Queens revenge'. You even have the same cover art it originally had
1781849
While there may be similarities I had bugun writing this before I read it
1781873 haha. I've done that a few times. Happens to everyone
nice, definsntly reading later
1781739
Yeah, tell me about it.
You've got some pacing and formating issues, specifically punctuation. Other than that, this is off to a good start.
Thank you all for your positive feedback and not so positive feedback*glare at Alondro* and know that at this very moment that I am editing the first chapter to be even better you all have a great day
story felt rushed.
ok guys chapter one is up and edited i ask that you please read the edited version. Well i got homework to do so hope you enjoy the new and improved chapter one magicbronie24 signing off
1781849>>1781873>>1781894
Haha, yes. This is what I was thinking when I saw this one. Almost raged.
Thanks for the call out Chaos.
Did I manage to take the name from you? I'm just courious, or was the Queen's Final Revenge the original title.
-Oh, faving to see where this goes.
1783138
A Queens final revenge was the original title but it is funny how close they are isn't it
1784084
Actually, yeah.
Time to read and steal ideas!I wish you luck in your fic. As luck should have it, our fics seem to be heading in different directions, so it shouldn't be a big problem.
I don't like this twilight
deceving and a bit cocky
Say, I keep getting this error while trying to submit this story of mine
"Permissions required for this action were not met (action: submitting story)"
But the thing is that I have followed all the guidelines and this didn't start to happen until after the site update, won't let me post comments on authors support either, so can anypony, ling, or body help me.
1785007 sorry i got nothing maybe all the mods are asleep. Thats my best guess
1785670 ok and keep up the good work.
1785746
Thanks man I will
please update soon? !
>>PinkPearl
I am trying to get up the next chapter. My goal is next Wednesday but my life is busy so its more likely to be Friday. I got hokey almost every day and school too so i'll do what i can
Hello! Like the story so far, and I love how she looks. So pretty and purple.
Oh and I noticed a simple error:
There should be: their. The hooves are apart of their bodies and they own them. There is for: look over there, the apples are up there, and other types of locations.
hmmm...this has potential to be an interesting read....i shall proceed
changling twilight is deceptive, foul-mouthed and sneaky......i like it
only one complaint i feel that twi reaction is a bit undermining & that ch 1 moves a bit to fast.
other than that keep it up
ps. WHY DASHIE!!!!!!!??!!?!?!?!!?!!?!!!??!
Eh, I can't read this. Mostly because I didn't see a single question mark or exclamation point.
2119684
Yea I was really bad at writing back then but trust me it it gets better, and if you don't believe me ask any one that's commented past chapter two
i immediately thought of this video
so did he say oh sniffle kay? or oh *sniffles* kay?
A little too fast paced for me but good story though.
the story is a little rocky, but I like it!
As I was reading this, this song came on, and I thought it fit the situation!