Writer of horrible stories.
Our past always finds a way to catch up with us, even when we try to prevent it. For Princess Luna, this past is her corruption to Nightmare Moon. She has been forgiven by her sister and the ponies that saved her, but not everyone agrees with their decision.
Far away from worries of the history, Pinkie Pie is more than excited for an upcoming party. But sadly, Twilight does not share her enthusiasm.
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There are author's note built into the story now, but I kinda like using the comment section for it. So I'll stick to it for the time being. It does give me the option of doing it more generalised rather than per chapter.
Anyway, I'm trying out a few new things compared to previous stories in an attempt to grasp the English language. It still eludes, but I would like to believe that I'm doing some progress at least. I can't really say how long the chapters in this story will be. I'm still practicing to reaching a healthy amount; I'm far from used to multi-chapter stories.
Pinkie is in this story as a main character for some reason. I suck at writing her, the random nature of her makes it hard for me to write her. Which might be why I have her in here, to practice writing her. I won't get anywhere by shying away.
I'll try to update this story as often as I can. It's most likely going to be my entire writing project for a long time. Though, there's one more story I would like to write as well. But I'll take that after.
One day I'll also figure out why I'm discussing with myself like this in the comment section, one day.
It took a bit longer than I hoped to update this story. Exams and studies have been huge obstacle for my writing these past few weeks. But I'll keep it up and somehow make it through.
I don't really have much other news here. It's a bit of a slow chapter this time around. I'm not sure whether I'll ever described blood or not. I want this E rated so I probably. Doesn't help that I don't particularly enjoy seeing or hearing about blood in any way.
The next chapter will put the focus back on Twilight and Pinkie and flesh out their role in the story.
The Nightmare Forces won't get much more attention. At most a few more references. They're from the IDW comic and I liked the concept of it. So I'll let them flesh it out.
I have a thing for character speaking with themselves. Which translates back to me a lot. This whole comment I do all the time is kind of a testament of how much I speak to myself.
Adding another comment to this. I'm starting to get good at it. Oh well, I had hoped for it to go faster but I'm really slow. I was gone for a week as well which didn't help. The chapters are getting longer and the next one won't be any different.
The name of the new chapter is a joke on Fleur's name on the Gameloft game where she's an Alicorn, hence the princess part. I'm keeping myself to Fleur de Lis as the spelling. I'm adding her as a main character now as well. I'll have to see how long I'm keeping her along. I need to flesh out her whiny personality somewhat more.
Not much more to add. I'm hoping to start on another princess story soon to go alongside with this one. I'm feeling quite lonely here so hopefully I can get to do something with someone soon. Although, I doubt it, but I'll see how it goes.
I would love some feedback here if anyone ever happens to see this comment by luck. God knows I need some feedback so that I have some kind of chance to improve my British.
Okay, here's your review!
Now release my familyThis should be "Its location was deep in the Everfree Forest...
You also add a lot of unnecessary information to your sentences like:
Your readers can probably infer that Luna is walking over the grass.
Other than that, I really enjoyed this first chapter! Onto the next one!
I'm not sure that "brink" is the right word to use here. How about "brim"?
Your English got a lot better in this chapter! Keep it up!
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Interesting views.
Thanks for pointing out some spelling errors. English is not my first language and I don't have any pre-reader, so it's for me to let simple errors slip by.
I look forward to reading the rest of what you have to say.
Alright so heres my first impression with your prologue (sorry ive taken so long to get to this)
I rather liked it, you seem to have a talent for creating atmosphere in your writing your very descriptive with scenes and as far as i can tell its quite well written with no too obvious of grammar mistakes (those are the only kind i can pick out. Your depiction of luna following the events of the return of nightmare moon isn't bad so that gives me some high hopes of good characterization. For my first impression i would say that i will deffinately continue reading (although im crossing my fingers that nothing bad happens to luna as im huge luna fan... please dont hurt her)