• Member Since 16th May, 2013
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PaulAsaran


Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords and reviews. New reviews posted every Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"

Sequels1

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Source

This story is a sequel to The Weed


Fleur de Lis is best known as a supermodel, but she also happens to be an illusions master. Every year just before Nightmare Night, she tests her skills by inviting ponies to attend her 'Week of Nightmares' in an attempt to terrify even the bravest. This year's most esteemed guests? Fancy Pants and Princess Luna.

But Fancy Pants is a veteran of the brutal Dragon Wars, and Princess Luna slogs through other ponies' nightmares all the time. Both have high doubts for the night.

Fleur might be more capable than they think...


My entry into Random Romance's October contest!

Cover Art Credit: Wolfmaster00

The Fleur-Verse
Chronologically from Top to Bottom:
Shadow Pony
Reddux the Tyrant
No Heroes Part I - The Roster
No Heroes Part II - The Journey Home
Lightning's Bolt
The Weed
The Challenge of Fleur
Ordinary World
A Challenge for Fleur
Sweet to Eat: Tales of Nightmare Night

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 51 )

Can't tell if trollfic or dropped down stairs as an infant...

NIce so far! I love it!

... But why in Equestrian?

That's not who I think it is...is it?

There's potential here. But its a bit... rushed.

I liked it.

I would have freaked out in two seconds.

3413131
Yeah, rushed. Only took me a month to write.

But as I said in the comments, it's really not my best work. I was kinda disappointed in it.

3413129
Yes. Yes it is.

3412994
That second one. No, really.

3413138
Glad to see you approve!

Creeps me out to see the number of words fall on an exact thousand but regardless it is good to see more work from you!:pinkiehappy:

That is all. Equestria is ours.

:rainbowwild::derpytongue2:

Really like the story. Was kinda wondering if Luna's suspicions were right and that when they woke up the monster became real and entered their real world. Or started attacking ponies in their nightmares. :rainbowderp: although I enjoyed this story! :moustache:

3413919
It does seem like a while since I did anything new, doesn't it? I <i>have</i> to get on to that Lightning Dust story.

3415942
Hmm... I think I'll plead the fifth on the query. After all, I may do a sequel someday. Glad you enjoyed it!

This pushed my buttons in all the right places. I do so love supernatural horror.

3445352
They are pretty fun, aren't they? Unless you're everyone else in my family; they all think supernatural=stupid. :trixieshiftright: What fools!

Fleur Dis Lee

Lack motivation to read any further til that's fixed.

3445664
If using a character's official name is enough to lose your attention, there's no helping ya.

3445691
What he means to say is the name is spelt Fleur de Lis.

3447042 not according to the MLP Wiki or the iOS game (the latter being the closest we have to an official source on her name).

Still I do prefer Fleur de Lis to Fleur Dis Lee, because the latter just sounds a bit too contrived and silly.

3447042 3448261
zyr1987's right about the wiki and iOS name, and that's the version I used. Although I do consider myself a bit Cajun and can say with confidence that Fleur de Lis is the more authentic name, I still prefer to stick to the official names most of the time.

3448335
One, iOS game is not canon
Two, The wiki name is probably originally a spelling error (or influenced by iOS)
Three, Fleur Dis Lee sounds and looks stupid

3449460
Find me proof that the canon spelling is different, and I'll change it. "It looks stupid" is an opinion, not an argument.

And if the name is based in the French language - which I think is obvious - then the "s" in Dis would be silent, thus the pronunciation would not be altered.

3449740
The s would be silent but the i would make a different sound than the e. Also the fact that Fleur Dis Lee doesn't mean anything is enough evidence to tell me that it shouldn't be a pony's name, especially when it is such an awful contortion of a common term.

3449790
Meh, it's just not that big an issue in my mind. Perhaps sometime later I'll switch it over, but right now I can't be arsed.

But even if I were to accept your reasonings - and I'm not saying I don't - I still say that rejecting an entire story because of something so small is rather ridiculous.

3449826
Oh, it most definitely is.

Hmm...interesting. I'd like to see this story continue. It's very well written

3661536
Why thank you! I honestly thought it was one of my...lesser stories. :unsuresweetie:

What a great story. I enjoyed the story and the shipping alot.

3728741
It's not my Mona Lisa, but I appreciate the praise anyway. :twilightsmile:

I was skeptical about the slenderman theme when it first appeared, but I ended up thoroughly enjoying it from start to finish. You used the pair concept so well and tailored their respective experiences in the illusion to better affect their respective mentalities. Luna was likely the most difficult character you could have chosen for this story and you won me over spectacularly. It has been awhile since I enjoyed a fic like this so much. You really should be getting more views than you are.

3764431
Wow and thanks!

But the lack of views? Story of my (FimFiction) life. Also, I note that this story didn't win the contest.

3764431
Oh, and I forgot to mention that I'm currently working on a sequel: A Challenge for Fleur. :twilightsmile:

I have to say I started this story similarly to Luna and Fancy: unimpressed. But as I read on I got on to rather enjoying it, seeing their fear slowly build and the relationships between your characters. Unfortunately I didn't feel any of the fear your protagonists experienced, but that's probably my fault as I've never read your story No Heroes (although it is on my list) or played Slender: The Arrival which I believe much of the illusion was based on (I've seen a few clips of the game, but I believe it loses much of its impact without context). I'll come back and read this story again once I do get around to No Heroes.

I also have to ask, what's the significance of the perfect thousands word count? I read your author's note it was some form of experiment, but is that all?

4663899
Meh, I've said it once and I'll say it again: I never felt like this was one of my great works of literature. If you didn't feel any fear, I'm not particularly surprised. Maybe playing the games will help out, but I can't say for certain, and SlenderMane's appearance in No Heroes is very different than it is in this story.

As for the word count, no, there's no special significance. I was merely trying to see if I could force myself into a specific word count without sacrificing the story. Considering I've not tried anything like this since, I think it's safe to say it didn't work out too well.

Perhaps its just me, but it seems to me that casting spells that can affect the mind should be all kinds of illegal, even in Equestria! Hooked so far. :pinkiehappy:

Perhaps it would be for regular ponies, but Fleur is a licensed Illusions Master, which means special privileges. Being part of a secret organization that operates outside the bounds of Equestrian law with permission from the princesses also helps. :raritywink:

4734089 'With great power comes great responsibilities.' (I'm a big follower of the Taoism of Peter Parker :twilightsheepish:) And, from what I'm reading, Fleur could probably give the combined might of Charles Xavier, Loki, and Martian Manhunter (with the Scarecrow thrown in for good measure.) a good run for their money in the illusion department.
...
Man, am I a geek. :facehoof:

4735363
I don't know if she could compare to all of them at once, but she's more than capable of holding her own. Thank goodness she works for the good guys, no?

4735384 Sometime the brightest lights cast the darkest shadows.

Well, I was impressed yet again. :pinkiehappy:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I can't say I'm pleased with the final product either. :/ The shipping is rushed, and Slenderman(e) should never be used in horror stories because its existence as a meme keeps it from being scary. I suspect that won't be important later on, however, so I'll continue on to Ordinary World when I next have a chance. :)

4933306

I mostly agree, except I wholeheartedly disagree about Slendermane. I wrote a chapter in a story that stared him, and the general consensus is that it's creepy as hell. Then again, I took a few liberties with the concept for that particular scene. He can work as a horror subject. He just... didn't in this one.

Funny thing about the shipping part, though. The consequences of the shipping attempt in this story will actually be mentioned in Ordinary World.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4933706
The thing I've found though, is that he's creepy as hell to people who are already familiar with and scared of him, and have been for a while. I passed him by because I wasn't on 4chan at the time he was created, and I've never watched Marble Hornets, so every time I see him in a fanfic, the presentation comes off as "description of Slenderman as a pony" "okay, now the reader should be scared". It's not enough. You got close with this one; the characters' reactions certainly sold that they were scared of him, and quite likely my own cynicism got in the way of my enjoying the story. (I read a whole lot of Slenderpony fics for Halloween last year. It was a mistake.)

4936772
From an objective standpoint, I have to acknowledge one thing: how scary is a pony that is really tall and just stands there? Since that's really all he does here, I'm not surprised some people aren't afraid of him.

I have a story idea that takes him to a much higher role than a mere boogeyman. No idea if I'll ever gt to it, though.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4936822
That's always sort of been my complaint. :B The first few images I ever saw of Slenderman were really well-done, creepy sort of "when you see it" jump-scares, and then I just sort of realized, well, what's the point?

4936839
This is exactly why I upped the atmosphere and gave him some rather new abilities in my No Heroes chapter. Essentially, I finally made him lethal, and visibly so. I felt his regular form, while effective on an internet show or movie, is pretty weak for literature (as this story reveals).

I will say that "A Challenge for Fleur" (currently the last story chronologically in the series) is much better than this.

A tale like this reminds me of nights in the Jersey Pine Barrens when the fog rolls in and covers the landscape with only the dim moon lighting the world. Figures unseen moving just beyond eyesight with only the noise of there passage the only tell of existence. No firelight strong enough to push back the enveloping darkness and milky cloud that surronds you.. Terror can be felt by those who allow it a place, and all the weapons gripped in trembling hands are not enough to keep the devil in the fog from watching and moving in when you are not looking. I had many a good night convincing dates and friends to go out camping miles into the Pine Barrens and go camping and praying for the rolling fog to move in. The look of fear in there eyes always amused me. This story reminded me of that, and for that I thank you.

5264818
Well, you certainly have down the kind of imagery I was going for, and you're welcome. Who knows, maybe someday I'll get to that big Slendermane story I want to write. It's not exactly a top priority, though.

What's the Dragon Campaign? A little something I'm planning for my No Heroes franchise that I thought I would allude to. That's right, this story is set in my No Heroes universe, like most. Still debating on whether it will be canon, though.

I DONT KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THAT. AHHHHHHHH

images.wikia.com/mlp/images/archive/c/cd/20120928230811!Twilight_Sparkle_Frustrated_S1E1.png

Haven't started No Heroes yet. Is it required reading?

5336958
Absolutely not, No Heroes isn't required reading to understand what's happening in this tale. I really need to update the notes for this particular story...

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