As the Scout and Twilight just glared at each other some more, the Spy was still speaking into the Scout's ear.
"Since she seems to recognize you from when she took me back, it looks like you will have to come up with another story. I would do it myself, but I am needed on ze battlefield. Ciao."
While the Scout was silently cursing the Spy's name, Twilight started talking. "You're going to tell me what happened weeks ago. And you're going to tell me who that was."
"Who... who was?"
"You know exactly who I'm talking about."
He did, in fact, but he doubted that would be satisfactory to her. "And what if I don't tell ya anythin'?"
Twilight's glare intensified, and the Scout found himself floating closer to her face. Just a few inches away, he's stopped, and the unicorn speaks again. "Bad. Things."
Quite honestly, this tiny horse was actually more intimidating than an angry Heavy. This internal note slightly hurt the Scout's pride, but he pushed on. "Ooooh, you're so scary. What, you gonna 'show me the error of my ways' and become best friends with me?"
Instead of saying an answer, Twilight instead decides to start compressing her magic on the human. At first, he barely noticed, but soon...
"AAAAHH GOD LEGS DO NOT BEND THAT WAY!"
"Ready to talk, now?"
"Hell no, I ain't gonna let some girly pony boss me arou- JEEZ THERE GOES MY SPLEEN!"
"Now?"
"Still no, crazy pony lady! I've taken worse than this!"
Twilight grinned somewhat sadistically. Her friends were standing nearby throughout this entire ordeal, and they were rather afraid of what Twilight was doing.
"In that case, I wonder what would happen to your body structure if I dunked you in molten rainbows..."
At the mention of the word "rainbows", the Scout cringed a bit. He also heard the word "molten", which both didn't make sense and was rather foreboding. "You wouldn't."
"Wouldn't I?" She seemed to look for any nearby rainbows, before the Scout's nerve finally broke.
"Alright! Alright! I'll talk!"
Twilight lowered him to the ground, and released her magical hold. The Scout thought about running, but realized that he would probably just be snagged by that magic again.
Freakin' magic. Wizards, unicorns, that one creepy guy down the street from his apartment... He was starting to hate anything that even vaguely resembled magic.
"So, purple, what ya wanna know?"
"Who was it who tricked me into bringing him... wherever that was?"
"Oh, him? He's just the Spy, a French bastard who thinks he's all tough, when all 'e does is hide."
"I'm here now, you know. And you're no better, running away from everything."
The Scout ignored his teammate's comment.
"So, um," Twilight started, "we seem to have gotten off on the wrong hoof." She held her hoof up, as if for a handshake. "My name is Twilight Sparkle. And you are?"
"Just call me Scout."
"Alright then, Scout, why are you here?"
He paused for a second, thinking of a reason. He couldn't just say that he was here to take some ponies back to his world so they can be experimented on.
"Don't ask me, I have no clue," the Spy helpfully chimed in.
"Well, err... Ya see..." After a bit of brainstorming, he thought of a semi-believable reason: "I was sick of it! Yep, I was just tired o' that dumb place, so I decided t' come here!" The ponies seemed to buy this; looks like those lying lessons from Lying Louie as a child payed off yet again.
"In that case, Scout, where are you going to stay?"
"Well... I... I dunno."
"Well... I remember there being a house not too far from here, that was just built. Nopony has even bought it, yet."
"Yeah, about that, I'm broke."
Twilight raised a hoof and pointed at herself. "Don't worry, I'll handle it. I am the princess's star student, after all!"
Oh, great, his "best ally" in all of this was some kind of nerd.
"Well, with all that out of the way," Rainbow Dash spoke up, "how about you show me how you did that thing?"
"What thing?"
"You know, the thing where you went the other way."
"What, you mean this?" The Scout performed a simple double jump.
"Yeah, that!"
"Can't tell you how. I don't even know why I have it, sometimes. I think it's cause I needed some other gimmick besides being fast to make me special, so Valve added it."
"...what?"
"Nothin'. Now, you answer me a question."
"Whatever, I can answer it!"
"Why is your hair all... that?"
"You got a problem with rainbows, bub?"
The Scout's mind flashed back to two separate instances: one time, when he tried to find the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow as a child, and ended up getting mugged by a gang of leprechauns, and later, when the Engineer made those goggles for everyone, and the Pyro suddenly shot rainbows and glitter at everyone (which still burned like real fire). "Kinda, yeah."
"Well, I was born like this. So, why do you carry a baseball bat around?"
As the Scout and Rainbow talked, Applejack and Twilight conversed.
"Where in the hay did you learn t' do interrogations like that?"
"Oh, it was just something I picked up from a detective book. It's nothing really."
"And where did ya learn t' fake injuries like that on someone?"
"...Fake?" Twilight looked to the human, who was now angrily chasing a rainbow-maned pegasus wearing his hat.
"Give that back, dammit!" he called out.
"You'll have to catch me first!" was the reply, and they went off into the distance.
Twilight sighed. "This is going to be something else, I can tell."
What's this? Two chapters in two days?
That's right, TWO chapters every weekend*, now!
*Disclaimer: the author reserves the right to refuse chapters on any given weekend, due to various reasons, including, but not limited to: laziness, spontaneous hat syndrome, explosive floor killing, and the rare "ZAMBIES" disease.
Twilight hurting others that easily? No, sorry, nomegusta.jpg.
I always figured telekinetic magic would be good for torture.
Psycho Twi... so out of character and at the same time so believable if the circumstances are right
Scout and RD are going to be the best of friends, I can already see that.
Louie lied to ya, lying lessons are free. You was a sucker if you paid him.
They get to the house, and realize Lyra lives there, and yet they forget she's there. Scout would make da craziest roommate for the Background Pony!
...Aw, shoot, this story's canon already uses Lyra.
Well, that was a PLOT TWIST that I certainly didn't see coming!
1718847
Now there's a disclaimer I can agree with
SCOUUUT
YOU WERE THE WOOOORSST ROOOOMMAAAAAAATE
1718847
Spontaneous Hat Syndrome? Oh god, I've seen pictures of that. I feel your pain.
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRZSv2gRAnSUp1cN1Zt9HyPJRybdh6t_9gsSetckPfsR_Oz4xSV
And that's just a MILD case.
1718847
Ahh, spontaneous hat syndrome. I compete with that every day. It's only gotten worse. I have acquired a bowler recently, and since then, it's all gone downhill.
1718847 Spontaneous Hat Syndrome is not nearly as bad as a case of crates. It always comes back...
WORDS CANNO EXPRESS MY LOVE FOR Team Fortress 2 FICS. OH. MY. KYOGRE
1718847 What is this ZAMBIES disease?
1719087 I've got a picture of a more serious case
teamfortress.com/images/posts/map_comic.jpg
I actually like the idea that Scout's psychological fear of Rainbows is because he got beat up by Leprechauns at the end of one. That's totally within the boundaries of TF2's world and is now my personal headcannon.
Also, I just realized why it was a good idea for Scout to NOT have brought Bonk! into this world. Pinkie would somehow drink it and for all we know it would make her permanently grow wings.
No one outruns the SCOUT!
1719520 Hmm... Scout, RD, and Sonic, who will win?
1719194 The LP'ers curse is worse. Well, maybe not.
1719801
No one, because the Spy Hunter car wins because EXPLOSIONS
...great, now I'm all nostalgic
1719820 damn...
Scout has found: Baseball Bill's Sports Shine.
1718863 Yeah, gotta go with this. just because it's supposed to be comedy doesn't make it ok to throw characters so horribly out of character. I mean what the fuck?! Twilight turning violent because she got tricked? Try again mate.
1720542 Exactly.
To the author:
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/254/517/a70.gif
Commodus doesn't like it, and neither do I.
Leprechauns. Dang.
1720638 Maybe Twilight took crazy lessons from Lyra..... I don't know.....
only just got back to this to read the best two chapters in my life....brilliant
please make more :D
OH OH AND LONGER CHAPERS :D
1721051 More like 'violent bitch' lessons from some cheap female anime character
Woo! Rainbow make him cry! Over!
1718960 Um... What plot twist?
1722038 I didn't expect Scout to befriend them, I was expecting scout to be on the run. That's the twist I didn't see coming. I thought everyone thought the same but I guess now...
1722184 I've seen so many plot twists/cliffhangers that are bigger than just that. I'd advertise a story, but that wouldn't be right.
1722203 touche... (If I ended up using the term correctly)
1718913
And for tying people's shoelaces together wile passing them. and giving the 'prim and proper' people wedgies, Picking pockets, acting out a Star Wars jedi battle scene, cooking, getting a soda from the fridge when feeling too lazy to get off the couch from the living room...
I got an unusual anger with floating tf logo today. Fucking. Badass.
1718847
...three...?
1719498
BONK! Atomic Punch gives you wings!
1718847 Zambies? No excuse. Dishonor on whole famiry.
Floor Killing
Yeah
Floor Killing
killing floor
Some people just don't have any respect for the fourth wall anymore...
1720542 Seems exactly in line with Twilight's character to me.
(Very Much) TF2 lore: We begin in 1850 when a wealthy Englishman, Zepheniah Mann, owner of Mann & Sons Co., is convinced by his idiot twin sons - Redmond and Blutarch - to purchase land in the United States to expand their company. Zepheniah Mann discovers that the gravel pits and dustbowls he purchased were useless and on top of that, he contracted various illnesses traveling to the United States. With his last will, which he wrote on his skin, he left his sons equal halves of his land, ensuring that they would fight over it for the rest of their lives.
To capture his brother's half, Blutarch hired 9 mercenaries but unbeknownst to him, Redmond had ALSO contracted exactly 9 mercenaries to do exactly the same thing. And for the next 40 years, they would engage in an endless war because neither brother was bright enough to, perhaps, hire more mercenaries. Blutarch, nearing death from old age, contracts expert craftsman Radigan Conagher to build a machine that would extend his life. However, Radigan was also convinced to build the same machine for Redmond by a stranger offering Australium, a rare and powerful element only found in Australia that turned a nation of savages into hyper-intelligent beings.
Fast forwarding to 1968, Builders League United and Reliable Excavation & Demolition, once again, recruit 9 mercenaries, the Scout, Soldier, Pyro, Demoman, Heavy Weapons Guy, Engineer, Medic, Sniper, and Spy to continue the war for the land left behind by Zepheniah Mann. Helen, known as The Administrator, oversees the conflict between RED and BLU with the help of Saxton Hale who provides weapons and headgear to each side.
Just remember, EVERYONE is a Spy.
Magic is op.
1750540
Lore videos are awesome.
The Fourth Wall has been fucking obliterated.
Fourth Wall is ded. Not big surprise.
1744024
9 years ago I would've disagreed.
Now looking at Season 9 and the comics you are unfortunately correct.