Hey there! I hail from the land of Britain, and I like to write fanfics very close to the show!
When Rarity eats a cupcake at SugarCubeCorner she realises a love for all things sweet and becomes addicted, designing new dresses covered in candy.
Twilight and co. become worried about Rarity's obsession and try to get her back to normal.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I just read it, and I have a confession to make.
The premise is a very good idea. Unfortunately, it was executed poorly, seeing as you sped through the story with abandon. Not to mention the grammatical errors. I recommend having this proofread and edited.
nice and funny oneshot. I would you suggest just changing a bit of it in the beggining. Because in the series is pretty clear Rarity always liked sweet things, she even was one of the ones got a bit of MMMmmmMMM, you remember? also the only thing that made her stop eating something sweet was that time she felt like her dress for the gala could get stained. So you could make her doing a too strict diet because maybe she felt fat or something at the beggining of the story. Just suggestions, though : )
The premise is really good. If you want, just rewrite the story so it wouldn't be as rushed. Maybe go for the whole strict diet thing like the poster above me mentioned.
It was a bit much. Oh well, at least Spike remains the voice of reason.
Yeah, this was too rushed really, and I wasn't very happy with it myself at first. I uploaded it due to the fact a couple friends said it was good, so I thought "screw it" and uploaded it anyway. Also, I am aware the plot has no real continuity to the series. I'll probably rewrite some parts, and extend it slighty, however this is my first time writing something like this so I need some trial and error.
Thanks for the constructive criticism.
And the sarcasm
(if it was sarasm, its hard to tell)
This isn't sarcasm, even though it sounds like it is.
I'm just confusing myself now...
Actually, I think I'll just come back to this and re-write it when I've constructed the story better. I like the diet idea, might consider that. :D
͡° ͜ʖ ͡°
The basic concept is actually really neat, even if I understand why you want to, erh, polish it.
You want feedback? I'LL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! LoL
Do not but those big blank spaces there. It makes it seem like you want longer chapters but don't want to write them so you put big blank spaces there.
Second, it all seemed a bit rushed. Take your time. It's not a race!
I believe you should think about this:
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5634-29394__safe_princess-luna_luna_macro_image-macro.png
Get a proofreader, or something.
Sorry if that was rude...
Nah, that wasn't rude. Not going to repeat what I previously said, but this was very rushed, and as said before I wasn't actually pleased with it for the reasons you listed.
Thanks for the feedback anyway.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw8205_large.png
Interesting.
Nee Hee Hee!
E-he-he, I'm sorry, but I love this sort of thing and I really enjoyed this story, though I agree it would be fantastic if you added more to it. I suppose another reason for her to trying to avoid eating the cupcake could be due to the MMMM incident and perhaps imply that it was tied to the same problem she has in this story (actually in a way this reminds me of one of characters in a series I like, in one of their first episodes something similar happens). Either way I'm definitely looking forward to the more polished version of this (-^u^-)
1660002
Oh wow, where did you find that picture? It's oddly cute (and funny)
1662089 I got it at mylittlefacewhen.com.