• Member Since 4th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 9th, 2021

BaliBriant


Scion of Brian

E

It was without doubt the worst of times, though everyone with a say in things seemed to think otherwise.
They pushed stalwartly towards what they thought was a better future, but were blinded so by their achievements that they could not tell heaven from hell. They believed cheap pleasure was more than enough compensation for a world without friendship,
and that the world was flat.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 3 )

It's very disjointed. In 3k words, you have 6 scenes. It doesn't let someone get immersed in any one of them. Try expanding on each scene.

1825090

Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it. :pinkiesmile:

1825060

Thank you for your critique. Pacing is something I always have trouble with, I seldom find myself able to drag the story on half as long as I should. I will aim to edit the story for length sometime as you have suggested.

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