Chapter 1: The Spark
Discord looked at himself. Well, not really, he couldn't move his eyes or his head. But he quickly looked over himself.
Discord, you are an accident waiting to happen. The way I like it.
He was still here. Celestia had decided not to grind him into cement. She could make a nice castle out of him. A nice, chaotic castle. He sighed with pleasure at the thought. Then he looked down.
Screwy?
There she was, his daughter Screwball, sitting there. Just like she had been every day since the banishment. But his other daughter, Xias, had disappeared. Well, she took after him. But now he looked at Screwy with pride. She had done well spreading chaos. He was very proud. And of Xias. For having spunk.
Spitfire looked at her team. The best flyers in Equestria, gathered here to show everyone their talent, grace, and agility. All but one. The feeling tugged at her. Rainbow Dash! her brain screamed. Let Rainbow Dash in! Spitfire had been thinking about letting Rainbow in for a long time. Soarin' flew over to her. "It looks like something's bothering you."
Spitfire smilied. Soarin' had been there for her, since they were foals. All the games... memories.
Soarin' looked at her. " Oh!" she said. " I'm fine. Just fine."
Soarin' fixed her with a stare. " It's Rainbow again, isn't it? I told she's a good flier, she deserves it, Spitfire."
Now Spifire stared at him. " I know, but is she truly ready for the responsibility? She can't just go off everywhere. Ponyville is her home. She wants to be with her friends!"
Soarin' sighed. "I'm not going to argue with you. But she needs to be one of us." He flew away.
Spitfire watched him fly away. The deep sense of longing pulled her to him. But she couldn't follow. The longing grasped her and pulled her, far away, to a place where they could be together. But she was needed here.
The lights, the glare of the spotlight, the wind in her mane as she performed spectacular tricks for everpony to see. Showbiz was tiring. She had always wanted to settle down with a stallion and have foals. But she had roped herself into this. There was no way of getting out.
Discord thought about his life. His partner had meant everything to him. How else would he have his beautiful daughters? Xias had a light blue flank and a wavy silver mane. Screwy was lavender with lavender eyes. Screwy's cutie mark was a screw and a ball, while Xias's was a white circle with stars on the top, bottom, left, and right.
Life was mere trifle now. He just had to get out of here, whatever the cost. He knew what he had to do. He tried his hardest to communicate with Screwy.
Come on, Screwy! Get Xias!
Screwball looked like a lightbulb had gone off. "I know! I'll get Xi!"
Discord was unconvinced it had been him who had done this. But Xi was coming. She had enough power for two of him.
Spitfire was worried. With Rainbow pressing in on her and everything else, she might not live. She thought about that Scootaloo filly. She seemed promising, if she could learn to fly. But Spitfire had to prove she was more than just an athlete. She had to prove she had feelings. Real emotion. And the feelings she had? They were for Soarin'.
That beautiful flank... His skill... He was amazing. She wanted him. So much. But, even though he was in her team, all he thought of her as was a leader. She saw that. But she would never stop wanting him. Yearning. Something had to be done.
Screwball ran into a large green field with a lake and a unicorn. Screwball ran to the unicorn. "Xi!"
The unicorn turned. "What is it, Screwball?"
Screwball looked at her. "It's Dad. You need to see him." Xias sighed. "Okay, but just for a little while."
Xias looked up at her father. "Well, it looks hard, but I probably can fix him. Stand back, Screwy." Screwball stepped back in awe. Her sister's horn started to glow. Silver light exploded over Discord. Transformation was Xias's skill. It was her special power. Going full circle. The light was sucked into the statue. And suddenly, the stone fell off.
"I AM FREE!"
Spitfire laid on her bed. She looked at the posters. Posters of herself. And her team. Blue, flaming wallpaper, Wonderbolts posters everywhere, and a blue carpet. But Spitfire was worried. Because her whole world was ruined. She couldn't have Rainbow Dash or Soarin'.
She never got what she wanted. She should have quitted long ago. " Why can't life go my way for once?!" She screamed. " Just once, why can't I have what I want!? Is my punishment for letting fame get to my head?!" When Spitfire was a young captain, she thought she was all that. She took all credit. But she had learned. Or had she?
Discord stood in triumph. "Thanks Xi!"
Xias blushed. "Anytime Dad."
Discord thought. "Now I need a plan." Screwy raised her hoof. "Yes Screwy?" Discord sighed.
"You should steal Twilight, which would lure Celestia, then you could dispose of her."
Discord was impressed. "That's an amazing plan!"
Screwball blushed. " Thanks Dad."
Discord smiled evily. " Now, we put this into action."
Spitfire walked into Ponyville. Twilight walked up to her. "Hi Spitfire, What are you doing here?"
Spitfire smilied. " Hi Twilight, I just want to talk to Rainbow."
Twilight pointed a hoof. "She's over in her house."
Spitfire smiled again. " Thanks Twilight." She started to fly to Rainbow's house.
Discord hid in the shadows. He saw the right time. He lunged at Twilight. He heard a scream. A sharp scream. He didn't know who it was. It didn't sound like Twilight. But it had to be.
I mean, who else could it be?
Spitfire shivered. She didn't know what had happened. She had felt nothing and saw nothing. Now she saw the outline of a weird creature. It looked at her. " Well hello my dear." Spitfire looked at it.
"Who...Who are you?"
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Storm butt · 42k words · 322 21 · 6k views
- secret89 · 233k words · 274 8 · 6.6k views
- Wolokai · 31k words · 107 8 · 4.7k views
- GravityDefyingCoffeeMug · 4.2k words · 279 5 · 3.3k views
- Bass Drop · 24k words · 43 4 · 1.8k views
- ChaoticHarmony · 30k words · 79 8 · 3.9k views
- Wolfe and WindSilver · 2.3k words · 22 0 · 799 views
- Captain Flea609 · 29k words · 34 4 · 1.7k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.084 seconds
Total duration
1,027 users online
60,795 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I'm hesitant to read this because of my headcannon of Spitfire, but I'll give it a shot!
Edit: I'll be keeping an eye on this for updates. I'm still skeptical but I'll play along.
Hmmm.
I like the premise...but there are several errors in the dialogue. This could be a wonderful story if you could fix the formatting.
After a character speaks there should be a break for another character to talk. That's basically the only error I saw multiple times, but it's a pretty big one. Have a good day sir, and enjoy your moustache for a good idea
Hmmm... Let me see.
First off, a few grammatical errors here and there, much like what Khaos had said. You should break when another character speaks.
Nothing too major really. I didn't see any misspelled words, but I am a bit testy on one matter. I was always taught the general rule of never starting a sentence with "and" or "but". My suggestion would to be to just place a comma before the word and continue it on, possibly structure it a tad differently so it doesn't look like a comma splice. (Where a comma IS inserted rather than a period, trying to create one sentence where two should be.)
Now on the concept of the story, I like it so far. Not completely sure how Xias looks though. Maybe a bit more description perhaps? And describe all the characters like if the reader had never watched the show in their life. It seems unnessicary, yes, but a reader MIGHT NOT have ever seen the show, but just likes fictions.
Ya never know.
As far as a rating, I'd give this a 5.5/10, but MY standards on stories is like....... WAY up there. (I've never given anything a 10/10, not even My Little Dashie, which recieved a 9.5.) Keep up the good work though. Looking forward to another chapter of this.
To short. Make more!
1763250 Don't worry, there will be. I'm just super duper busy, so expect the next chapter after Christmas. Sorry, I promise the next chapters will come faster.
1989658 I have tried to fix the speaking errors. If anypony could be my proofreader, be my guest.
Nice story! Just needs more...detail. You're hopping from one place to another and it's getting confusing. But it was good.
2582272 I'm planning on making more sense of the whole thing next chapter.
Thanks everypony for your support!
Is this on Hiatus or something?
Cause it's such a great story idea that u should continue
3253926 Aww, thank you!
Yes, it is on hiatus. My personal life has gotten really stressed. I just got out of a bad breakup, so sorry about the long wait.
3283412 that's ok, I'm sure the wait will be worth it
Have a
3284059 I'm glad you're so happy about it. Not many people out here are, so thank you so much! Yes, I am thanking you for being happy.
3285692well you are MOST welcome!!
3285708I'm glad that I am welcome!!
How many years has it been on hiatus? This story has so much potential! Please don’t give it up! Pleaseeee
10604473
Agreed