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The Mane Six had gathered for lunch, but when an argument between Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle breaks out, it causes the group of friends to re-evaluate their relationships. They come to the realisation that they may, in fact, be better off without each other and the group is fractured. Each of the Mane six are left to their own devices and are forced to reconsider what friendship really means to them and to the ponies around them.

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Comments ( 3 )

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Lhmac

Lhmac #1 · Oct 17th, 2012 · · ·

Your description could use more punctuation. And a bit better grammar. Here's an example of a re-write so this story might be more attractive to passers-by:

"The Mane Six had gathered for lunch, but when an argument between Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle breaks out, it causes the group of friends to re-evaluate their relationships. They come to the realisation that they may, in fact, be better off without each other and the group is fractured. Each of the Mane six are left to their own devices and are forced to reconsider what friendship really means to
them and to the ponies around them."

It's still not perfect, exactly, but not a huge run-on sentence that puts people off. Meaning suffers without punctuation, and my favourite example of that is:
Let's eat Grandma!
Let's eat, Grandma!
One implies we should eat our grandmother, the other that we should eat with our grandmother.
Punctuation, it saves lives.

TaroCow

TaroCow #2 · Oct 17th, 2012 · · ·

Theres a few mistakes here and there (Mostly just the ".")

Interesting story you're setting out though I would recommend changing the title
It just feels a little overused and was giving me second thoughts about reading it.

But thats just me.

Kageryu

Kageryu #3 · Oct 18th, 2012 · · ·

Thank you for the comments, I love getting feedback even if it is just about little things like grammar. I made a couple of changes, tweaked the description and title. The next chapter should be out shortly.