Rover in Equestria

Science Fiction Contest108 stories ·172 members

When a spaceship crashlands in Equestria , it's up to Doctor Whooves to analyze the ship remains and contact the aliens in charge.

Rated Teen for implied owl death

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

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owlicious

owlicious #1 · May 15th · 5 · ·

Rated Teen for implied owl death

Who? (I kid)

Since you seemed receptive to spell checking comments in previous stories:

we’d be [in] a lot more trouble

Suggestion: Remove space before ',' or ';' in the story description/contents ("Equestria , it's", "the ship remains" -> "the ship's remains")

onto my tethered aerial reactive dynamic interpersonal shuttle

LOL, missed that the first time. Capitalize starting with T?

Reily

Reily #2 · May 15th · · ·

11904164

Thank you for reading. I had written this for Sci-Fi Contest Three. I appreciate the feedback though, and will apply it after judging has finished. I don't wanna have the results be contaminated.

Okie Brony

Okie Brony #3 · May 15th · 1 · ·

11904164
As soon as I saw that line "implied owl death," I promptly scrolled down to see if you or Drowned Owl had commented yet. Hoot! 🦉 🦉

As for the story, not bad. It feels a bit rushed, and the punctuation needs work, but you earned my upvote. And a Spikestache.

IGIBAB

IGIBAB #4 · May 19th · 1 · ·

As has been said, I also feel like it was a bit rushed. The resolution is somewhat easy and not too engaging (at least for me). It's not a bad story, and the idea behind it is interesting.

For example, the introduction is decent (although you could have make the owl's fear grow instead of going from "that's curious" to "I need to wake up the elder now and evacuate". And, nitpick : how can the owl see the thing forming an arc then see it heading straight for them? unless it turned) but then we get to a report of the discovery, then someone being put in charge, then that someone coming, in just a few sentences. Some people like when a story gets to the point quickly, but I feel like this is too quick.

I look like I'm focusing on the bad part, but again, I like the idea. And the fiction wasn't terrible either, don't worry.

The Hat Man

The Hat Man #5 · May 21st · 1 · ·

Hello, fellow contestant! This is your friendly neighborhood Hat Man, and I'm here with a quick review!

The story contains some interesting ideas, and it features Time Turner/Doctor Whooves in a manner that isn't tied to the usual Whoovian tropes, which is refreshing. I also liked the specific reference to Equestria's (Equus's?) solar system as being unusual, something that doesn't appear in sci-fi stories anywhere near enough.

The flaws, others have already hit on pretty well. It's rushed, it's a little sloppy, especially at the end, and doesn't have a terribly clear resolution, which leaves the reader a bit unsatisfied.

A good concept, but it needed a little more time in the oven.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #6 · 4 weeks ago · · ·

The star moved closer and closer. The younger owl pleaded with its elders that the forest must be evacuated. The elder owls scoffed, they all firmly knew stars belong in the sky and not on the ground. The younger owl insisted they look up. When the elders did, it was too late. A great big ball of fire was heading straight towards them.

dang sucks to be those guys!

Sometime later at Canterlot Castle, Princess Celestia was hurriedly looking over her field agent's reports before it was time to begin day court. The Smile intelligence agency was the greatest asset in this day and age.

aww always glad to see the semi-canonical Equestrian intelligence agency make an appearance

Ten feet from the recovered wreckage was a robotic contraption made from metals not recognized on Equestrian soil. In fact, Celestia remembered reports of a scientist down in Ponyville that had recently petitioned the crown for funds to pursue the practical applications of advanced metallurgy. This pony presented steady and regular progress every moon, and Celestia’s gut instinct was to put him in charge of a project to analyze the robot’s purpose and intentions.

the very wide range of cutie mark talents present in the ponies of Equestria sure are useful when faced with an outside context problem!

Its design seemed to be influenced by quadrupeds from what Time Turner could gather, but rather than four individual legs; there four crudely fashioned black wheels made from an black elastic material. Those were refilled with air.

hehe, fun bit of hippocentrism here

“What is your mission? Why are you here?” , Time Turner asked while doing his best to not to panic. Deep down inside he was getting ready to shake and scream not unlike a little filly.

it is indeed a little disquieting that an alien probe is suddenly speaking in your language! raises a lot of questions

Please vacate the premises so this unit can be deactivated and retrieved by the United States Space Force.

oh hey we’re in this, neat

The vehicle slowly opened up and out came from a cyclops clad in a white material and huge boots.

hehe, and of course a suited astronaut would look like an alien cyclops to a pony.

fun little story, thanks for writing!

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