• Member Since 29th Dec, 2022
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Reily


She/Her | Lover of cute content | Advocate for trans rights

T

When a spaceship crashlands in Equestria , it's up to Doctor Whooves to analyze the ship remains and contact the aliens in charge.


Rated Teen for implied owl death

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

Rated Teen for implied owl death

Who? (I kid)


Since you seemed receptive to spell checking comments in previous stories:

we’d be [in] a lot more trouble

Suggestion: Remove space before ',' or ';' in the story description/contents ("Equestria , it's", "the ship remains" -> "the ship's remains")

onto my tethered aerial reactive dynamic interpersonal shuttle

LOL, missed that the first time. Capitalize starting with T?

11904164

Thank you for reading. I had written this for Sci-Fi Contest Three. I appreciate the feedback though, and will apply it after judging has finished. I don't wanna have the results be contaminated.

11904164
As soon as I saw that line "implied owl death," I promptly scrolled down to see if you or Drowned Owl had commented yet. Hoot! 🦉 🦉


As for the story, not bad. It feels a bit rushed, and the punctuation needs work, but you earned my upvote. And a Spikestache.
:moustache:

IGIBAB #4 · Sunday · · ·

As has been said, I also feel like it was a bit rushed. The resolution is somewhat easy and not too engaging (at least for me). It's not a bad story, and the idea behind it is interesting.

For example, the introduction is decent (although you could have make the owl's fear grow instead of going from "that's curious" to "I need to wake up the elder now and evacuate". And, nitpick : how can the owl see the thing forming an arc then see it heading straight for them? unless it turned) but then we get to a report of the discovery, then someone being put in charge, then that someone coming, in just a few sentences. Some people like when a story gets to the point quickly, but I feel like this is too quick.

I look like I'm focusing on the bad part, but again, I like the idea. And the fiction wasn't terrible either, don't worry.

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