I'm cool, Rainbow!

by Udahyas

What is cool?

It's really terrible to get sick.

Yes, that's exactly what I thought when I opened my eyes after, most likely, a short sleep. Why did I make such a conclusion? Well, because it's very difficult to sleep when you can hardly breathe and you have an endless supply of snot. Here's a tip for you, children, never engage in active activity in winter. Sweat on the skin, plus cold, does not lead to anything good.

Suddenly, a loud sneeze came out of me, which made my eyes slightly water. Before I could gather my strength, a voice came from the corner of the room: "Wow, you've been asleep for three and a half hours, Alex! At this rate, will you recover, uh, in a month?"

I'm not sure if the amount of time I slept affects anything.

Sighing, I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked towards Spike. He was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room and holding a comic book in his hands. Yes, ponies have comics. And yes, I tried to read them. I didn't like it, it was too cruel. Sighing, I said with a slight nod, "Thanks for calling my name right, Spike."

"No problem." He replied with a shrug and without even looking up from the comic. I think it's so easy for him to read it because he's a dragon. He's obviously a lot more aggressive than me.

So, I'm thinking the wrong way. I need to think about. . . Hem, it's harder than I thought. What can you do when you're sick?

"Spike, what day is it today? I asked, hoping it would give me some idea. Which one? Don't ask such difficult questions, please.

" Thursday. Although I don't think it means anything to you. Well, considering that you don't go to school and don't have to work. " Spike said with a hint of envy in his voice. Not that I blame him for that. He may not go to school, but he regularly works in the library.

"That's why I'm grateful to all the gods that I'm here." I replied before slowly starting to get out of bed. Not that it was easy. I've been sick for the last week and it hasn't had a good effect on my muscles. Although I'm not sure if I've ever had muscles!

Wait, muscles! That's right, I wanted to ask Rainbow Dash to train me to lose weight. And preferably, learn to run further than a hundred feet.

Taking a deep breath, I said urgently, "I need the most powerful pills. To recover in less than twenty seconds. There's magic here, so I don't think it's anything incredible."

"Actually, it's absolutely impossible. Besides, it says in the book that you need bed rest and soup." Said a familiar voice from above. Uh.

I looked sharply at the top of the stairs where Twilight was standing and asked irritably, "Why can't you use your super duper magic to cure me? It can't be that hard!"

Twilight lightly covered her mouth with her wing, stifling a chuckle before starting down the stairs and answering gently, "I don't want to take any chances. You told me that there is no magic in your world, remember? No one can predict how your body will react to magic! That's why I've never even tried to lift you up in the air!"

Wait, but she teleported me in the past. Twice. Maybe she got sick too and doesn't remember past events? Or is she joking with me?

I raised an eyebrow and asked in embarrassment, "But you've teleported me already. Twice. So I don't think the healing spell will be anything too dangerous for me."

Twilight looked away in embarrassment and muttered to herself for a while. For a second, it even seemed to me that she was sweating from exertion. Eventually she answered: "All the books say, which healing spells are suitable for which species. There is no spell that is signed as suitable for a human!"

It seems to me that she made up this excuse just now. In fact, she had really forgotten past events. Pride is a very poor quality.

"Now, please go back to bed, you can't overexert yourself." Twilight said softly, coming down the stairs to the basement and looking at me worriedly.

"No, I have to find Rainbow Dash so she can start training me and I'll become super cool!" I said, lifting my foot to stamp.

"Actually, to become super cool, you have to become just cool first. " Spike said a moment before I stomped like a child.

First of all, yes, stamping your foot is a bit childish. Secondly, what did you say, Spike!?

I turned sharply to him and demanded, "What is this supposed to mean? What did you say about my coolness, Spike?"

"How can I say something about something that doesn't exist?" asked Spike without even taking his eyes off the comic. But I swear, he's just joking very stupidly.

Not that it helps much, I'm offended anyway. Now I have a severe psychological trauma. Noticing the growing irritation on my sick body, Twilight came closer and said soothingly, putting a hoof on my hand: "Well, you know, Alex, coolness is the last word that occurs, at least to me, when I look at you. Strange? More than enough. Unpredictable? Oh, yes, probably even more so than Discord. But cool? No, it's not about you, Alex. But it doesn't matter at all, you know."

Ah, the heart. Call an ambulance!

But not for me! I straightened up as much as possible, restraining a sneeze and said defiantly: "Let's ask Rainbow. She will be able to tell exactly who is the coolest here. And I'm pretty sure I won't be the last."

"And how are you going to look for her? You know, Rainbow, like any Pegasus, it can be anywhere, anytime! " Twilight replied with some annoyance. It's like she doesn't like something. Could it be that I, being sick, am interested in finding out who is cooler?

Mm, no, she's just afraid of being called the uncoolest. Yes, this is the most logical thing.

Nodding to myself, I just headed for the stairs to the basement exit without saying anything. Twilight was stunned for a while, but unfortunately, when my foot stepped on the first step, she said loudly, "Hey, come back to bed! You can't overexert yourself, you're still sick!"

It seemed that my body was completely in agreement with this statement, because a powerful sneeze immediately burst out of me. So powerful that for a moment it seemed to me that my spine had cracked. Or was it not my imagination?

It's better not to think about it, it's better to come up with a way to find Rainbow.

I nodded slightly to myself and continued up the stairs. It's good that I don't have to waste time on boring things like getting dressed. Why?

I was sleeping in full clothes for the last week. Including the jacket. As Twilight said, to destroy all viruses in my body, increased heat is needed and this is the most humane way to create it. It's better not to think about other ways.

And it's better not to think about the fact that ponies don't have the word humanism. Like, in general. There is not even a pony version of this word. Equestria is a scary place.

With a shake of my head, I finally got out of the basement and into the main part of the library. I must admit, the first time I was here, I was scared. It was mostly caused by the sight of Spike WORKING here. It's a good thing I wasn't forced to do any such terrible things.

With a slight shudder, I went outside and took a couple of steps away from the library before it finally dawned on me. On the way outside, I was going to think about how to find Rainbow. Well, the thing is, I'm still going to. Hah.

Okay, okay. I have a plan. It took me a huge amount of time to develop it. To be specific, I needed 0, 148. . .

"Don't think about the last digit!" A familiar female voice said sharply, putting a hoof on my lips. Oh, what am I doing all this for?

I sighed in disappointment and asked with my head down, "Is it a special day? Once again?"

"Yeah! Congratulations, Axe!" Pinkie replied cheerfully, jumping up slightly.

This is the end. Nothing matters anymore.

I fell to my knees, raised my hands to the sky and said in a drawl: "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh, my lungs," I muttered, clutching my chest. It was too long a scream for my sick body.

"Have you finished the dramatic character development moment?" Pinkie asked, looking at me intently and at the same time holding some kind of white book in one hoof.

"What!?" I asked between tired sighs, unable to understand something. Well, I understood one thing for sure. I really put too much effort into this dramatic moment. Ooh.

"Look at this! A dictionary of incomprehensible words and phrases that no one understands! " Said Pinkie, handing me a white book. I just looked at the currently open book and saw strange things. Like, the arch of redemption, character development, romance, responsibility.

In short, strange things. I have no idea what any of them means.

Sighing, I got to my feet and brushed the snow off my clothes. Yes, Equestria is an incredibly wonderful country where I am absolutely happy. But it snows until the end of winter and no one cleans it up. Like in general. And by the way, schools don't close either, no matter how big the snow is. Now think about what's scarier. A world where schools close when there is at least some snow, or a world where this snow is not even cleaned?

"So, down with philosophical reflections! I need to find Rainbow!" I said confidently slamming my fist into my palm. Oh, I hit it too hard. It will hurt for a couple more days. These will be the most painful days of my life.

"Alex, come home before you get any worse!" Twilight demanded from the doorstep. Don't get distracted, don't get distracted, down with obsessive thoughts.

Here, you need to be more collected. Otherwise Twilight might guess that I'm not very normal.

Taking a deep breath, I put my hands next to my mouth, so as to create a kind of loudspeaker. I just held the air for a few seconds. Yes, I prepared to speak, but I didn't come up with what. It's a typical situation, it's happened to everyone, right?

Those who say that it did not happen experienced this situation twice as often. After this thought flashed through my head, I shouted, "Wonderbolts s..."

"Axe, it's not worth it. And don't forget about the rating, please." Pinkie said, literally gagging me. But this time, not with a hoof, but with something else. Hmm, this is something sweet. Maybe I'll eat it?

No, I'm going to start training! Down with the temptations!

With a sharp movement, I shoved a piece of chocolate somewhere very far away. The whistling of the wind was heard. And the next second, someone screamed shrilly: "My leg! Oh, it's chocolate so it's probably not bad."

"Did you hear that too?" I asked, looking at Pinkie. Oh, wait, Twilight is already here. Hmm.

"Go back to bed!" Twilight replied without seeming to react to my question in any way. Well, then it seemed to me.

Before I could shrug my shoulders, a rainbow line flashed across the sky before starting to dive straight down. The next moment, she landed, scattering a pile of snow to the side. Guess who got most of it?

Twilight, of course. Snow is not capable of hurting such a beautiful and cool person like me, so it bypasses me by a mile.

While Twilight was blinking in shock, I heard Rainbow's furious words: "Who dared to insult the Wonderbolts!? I heard that this villain is right here!"

"And I said it wasn't worth it, Axe." Pinkie said smugly from above. When I looked up, I saw that she was hanging in the air with the help of several balloons. Surprisingly predictable for her. Although I was a little confused by the brown stain on one of her hooves, but it probably doesn't mean anything.

But the fact that she called me by the wrong name again, it already means something!

"I'm not a deodorant, Pinkie! My name is Alex! And I'm cool enough to remind you of that every time!" I replied aggressively shaking my fist at Pinkie Pie, who was still hanging in the air.

"Um, it has nothing to do with coolness at all, Axe. I would even say that your obsession with pronouncing your name correctly is a sign of eggheadedness. " Rainbow Dash replied, rising slightly into the air.

" I don't want to say that I told you so, but you probably already understood my message," Twilight said with, I swear, a smug smile.

Why are you bullying me?

I sighed sadly before shaking my head and calmly asked, looking into Rainbow's eyes: "So, in your opinion, I'm not cool?"

"Yeah." Rainbow replied, almost instantly. You could at least pretend that you were thinking about it. I'm actually very vulnerable.

Suddenly, another sneeze came out of me, in response to which Twilight once again said: "That's what I'm saying, you need to go back to bed!"

Not paying any attention to her, I looked at Rainbow again and asked: "And how do I become cool? You're like the second coolest person I know."

"Just the second one!?" Rainbow asked with a hint of insult.

"Well, you know, you can't compete in coolness with the dogs that can be found on Google search for 'cool dogs'. " I replied with my arms crossed.

" Yes, Rainbow, cool dogs are really cool! " Pinkie Pie said while she was still hanging in the air.

I have finally found a connoisseur of high culture.

Sighing, I repeated my question again with a certain note of desperation: "How do I become cool? I don't want to be bullied by a dragon that is several times smaller than me."

"Well, you can just, like, h..." Rainbow began but was interrupted by a hoof in her mouth.

"Rainbow, no violence!" Pinkie Pie interrupted her almost instantly. The situation is so serious that she finally came down to earth to do it. I meant Pinkie, if anything.

Uh, yes, I am a pacifist. No violence, ever.

I shook my head once again and already felt it begin to spin slightly. Sighing, I said irritably: "How can I become cool!?"

Rainbow was surprised by my outburst and flew back slightly. Not that I blame her. Anyway, after a moment of silence, Rainbow replied: "I don't know, it's kind of natural. I've always been cool, absolutely! Try wearing sunglasses or something, I don't know."

Great. At first, everyone bullied me, and now they tell me that I will not become cool. How can this day get any better?

I shook my head and immediately felt dizzy. Straight, really powerful. Before I could do anything, I collapsed face-first into the snow. Yeah, you shouldn't abuse the same gesture, especially when it's so dangerous. Especially when you're sick and out of the house for the first time in a week.

Sighing, I lifted my head from the cold ground and said with a thumbs up, "Thanks guys for not catching me."

"You're welcome, Axe! I don't mind anything for a friend!" Pinkie sang cheerfully. So, how do I know if she's joking or seriously doesn't understand?

Probably nothing. Well, if the idea of being cool didn't work out, then I can ask Rainbow for something else.

I looked at Pegasus, still not getting up from the ground, and asked: "Okay, coolness is natural. It's sad, but okay. But can you at least train me? Well, so that I can run more than a dozen steps. "

Rainbow paused for a moment before saying with a wave of her hoof, " Mmm, no. You're too uncool for me to have to mess with you. Besides, I actually have to study too! I just don't have time for someone so uncool. No offense."

Oh, yes, the phrase "no offense" definitely completely covered all the moral damage that I had just received.

For a moment, I wanted to bury my face in the snow again and maybe even cry a little. It's only possible. But with a gigantic effort, I got to my feet and asked, shaking myself off: "But if I become cool enough, will you train me? Will you? "

Rainbow seemed really surprised by my persistence and replied, rubbing the back of her head, " Well, probably yes. Maybe. But for that, you need to become really cool!"

I got it, now we need to figure out what to do. What kind of things are considered cool?

When a thought even started to form in my head, Pinkie quickly interrupted me: "Bad habits are not cool! And even if there were, they are banned by the rating!"

"I didn't even think about it! Do you really have such a low opinion of me?" I objected, putting my hand to my chest, in an offended gesture. I wonder if this is considered cool or not?

Pinkie only nodded instantly in response. Oh. Twilight's calm voice lowered my mood even more: "Considering that you burned a tree in the Applejack garden and drove Rarity into depression, the opinion of you cannot be very high."

"Hey, but there must have been at least some good things I've done in the last few months since I've been living in Equestria!" I objected with displeasure, raising both hands in the air. Like, I'm getting ready to hit. Like, I'm a cool alpha sigma gigachad. That's how it works, right?

Twilight tapped her chin for a few seconds before shaking her head. Rainbow just shrugged her shoulders. And Pinky. . . I made a snowman. Only instead of a carrot there was an icicle with a rather large piece of wood. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that the roof of one of the houses was suspiciously uneven.

This does not take away the fact that I will have a real depression against the background of this whole situation. Oh, wait. Redheart said a month ago that I was depressed. The reason for this diagnosis was that my legs hurt after running. Funny fact: after this news, it wasn't just my legs that hurt.

Ahem, it doesn't matter. I need to do something cool. After a few seconds, I raised an eyebrow and asked, "Will my skateboard-free kickflip do?"

"Huh?" Rainbow asked, raising an eyebrow in response. Trouble. Oh, I know!

"If I raise an eyebrow above you, will I be cool enough?" I asked and already started to raise my eyebrow higher. The problem is that there are no muscles in my body. And my face also cannot withstand such heavy loads as a high eyebrow lift.

"By the way, Mewing wouldn't help you here, Axe," Pinkie said, embarrassing me.

Mewing? Um, maybe this is the pony version of the word meowing? Although it is still unclear how meowing should help me in this situation.

By the time my thoughts returned to reality, I noticed that one of Rainbow's eyebrows was just missing. Noticing the victorious grimace on my face, she pushed back her bangs and showed that her eyebrow had already reached her forehead. The theory that Equestria is a scary place is only being confirmed every day.

With a disappointed sigh, I lowered my eyebrow to its normal position and felt my pockets for something that would immediately make me super cool. A black marker. AAAAAAnd that's it. It's the only thing in my pockets. Hmm.

"Is it cool to spin things?" I asked, pulling a marker out of my pocket and starting to twist it.

I'm absolutely sure it's cool. One hundred percent, the ultimate truth.

"If you were a pony, then yes it would be cool. But with your weird stuff, it's not hard, so it's not cool." Rainbow replied with her hooves crossed.

"Oh," I replied, stopping twirling the marker and even dropping it to the ground.

Well, the last instance is called that because it is the last in truthfulness. Exactly, exactly, without cheating.

I picked up a marker from the ground and quickly brushed the snow off it before thinking out loud: "What cool thing can you do with a marker?"

"Draw a mustache for someone!" Pinkie said cheerfully, which made me smile a little. It will be quite easy to draw a mustache. And even fun.

"Well, it's more funny than cool. Rainbow said, still crossing her hooves. Maybe she accidentally glued them to herself? Uh, no, I don't think so.

I have a feeling she's just mocking me.

I looked at Twilight out of the corner of my eye in response to which she said displeased: “what? I'm not going to help you in order to become cool. It just doesn't make sense! You need to go back to bed and get well before you start doing this kind of thing."

I rolled my eyes and wanted to say something, but a sudden sneeze cut short this attempt. But that didn't stop Rainbow from nodding and saying, "Yes, I agree. Twilight is not only eggheaded, but also spoils all the fun."

"Me!?" Twilight asked irritably and even gritting her teeth. I'm not sure I've ever seen a pony do that.

There was silence in the air for just a few seconds and no one even moved. Until Twilight sighed and started walking towards the library. She stopped in the doorway and said with a touch of irritation, "Okay, do whatever you want. But know that when you come back, you'll have to take care of yourself. No one will cook any soup for you."

And after that, she slammed the door so hard that my ears hurt. Ouch.

It's such a strange feeling. It was as if there was a sudden need to kneel down and apologize. Is it . . . fault?

No, I do not know such clever words. Shrugging my shoulders, I finally rejected the strange feeling and asked, raising the marker because my eyebrow was too tired: "Well, um, is graffiti cool?"

"Hmm, yes, I think so," Rainbow replied uncertainly, tapping her chin with her hoof.

"Hooray!" I said, raising my hands and looking around for a surface to draw on. But then, I got to thinking. Bad habits, swearing and violence are prohibited. Pinkie won't let me even think about such things. Right?

"Pink, won't you stop me from painting graffiti?"

"Hey, my name is Pinkie!" She replied, puffing out her cheeks with resentment.

I crossed my arms and snorted, lifting my nose, before saying, "Well, my name is Alex, but you still call me like I'm a deodorant. So, no negativity, pink."

Wow, I'm so cool. Now, Rainbow will mark it and I won't even have to draw anything.

"Wow, you're so touchy, which is not cool at all. You're going to have to draw really, and I mean, REALLY cool graffiti to make up for it and become cool." Rainbow said with a dissatisfied groan. Oh.

Okay, I'll fix it. It's super simple, you just need to draw something. Nodding to myself, I looked around and awkwardly scratched the back of my head. It's kind of awkward to draw on some building. Mostly because there are people living inside who can yell at me for vandalism. Of course, I'm hard as a rock, but when you open your mouth in my direction, remember that I'm going to cry.

An invincible and ultimatum technique. But it's better not to bring the situation to this, I kind of need to show how cool I am. And I have an idea for that.

Grinning, I slowly turned around on the spot and headed for the huge oak tree. Yes, I will paint graffiti on my house. It must be so cool, unexpected. Well, I think so. I would try to make a horn gesture to emphasize my coolness. But I have no idea how to do it.

When I stood in front of the tree, right under the window, I realized one small problem. You see, we had a drawing lesson at school. And at the age of eight, I got a B for drawing when the rest of the class got an A. It's a shame, but okay. In my last drawing lesson, I got an F. This has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I handed over to the teacher the whitest piece of paper in the world

Sighing, I briefly glanced in the direction of Rainbow, who was discontentedly hanging in the air with her hooves crossed, as if she didn't like that I was stalling. I condemn such behavior, by the way. On the other hand, Pinkie just stood there and stared intently at the wall.

He's probably making sure that I don't draw something bad. Hmm, I wish I could draw something.

"Listen, if you stand for another 20 seconds, you'll never achieve coolness." Rainbow said flatly. Okay, now it's going to be a cool moment when the hero prevails and wins. I've watched enough anime to remember that.

Taking a deep breath, I stretched out my hand with the marker and closed my eyes. A sharp step to the right, a sudden sneeze that made me drop down sharply. My hand was shaking slightly due to a powerful sneeze, but despite this I continued to draw. With the next movement, I took a sharp step to the left, which passed absolutely calmly. And as a finishing touch, I drew a line up before opening my eyes to look at my creation.

It's just a square. A bit crooked, but otherwise square. It is painted on a tree with a black marker, so it is unlikely that anyone will ever notice it. Well, I hope so.

It's an art.

Without knowing why, I turned to Rainbow and said confidently, "Now, I'm cool."

In response, she laughed briefly before pointing to my art and asking, "Do you think? No negativity, but this is probably the most lame graffiti I've seen! This is approximately 20% less cool than the past. "

I just grinned when I heard that and said taking a step forward: " Actually, I've been thinking about it and realized. Depending on someone else's opinion is not cool at all. Do you know who depends on someone else's opinion? Eggheads who are afraid that they will be considered not the smartest. That's why I'm cool. Because I consider myself that way. And because I think this drawing is cool. "

" Oh! Character development arch, character development arc! Has everyone seen this? Has anyone recorded this? " Pinkie asked excitedly, looking around and jumping up and down.

Pinkie is Pinkie. This is the main rule that needs to be learned in such a scary place as Equestria.

Chuckling, I turned my attention to Rainbow and she replied with a nod: "Yes, I admit you're super cool. I will train you and you will succeed. Well done, Alex! You're much cooler than me!"

I solemnly raised both hands in the air, but then doubt crept into my head. Ponies never say my name correctly. Is this a dream?

---

POV Spike

I was quietly reading comics for a while, but the loud sounds of Twilight's tension forced me to look at what was going on. She barely carried Alex with her magic. Hmm, I didn't think he was that heavy.

After a couple of seconds, Twilight finally put him on the bed and grumbled to herself: "So you were trying to prove that you're cool and what did that lead you to? You just fell on the street, face down in the snow!"

Hmm, I wonder what prompted him to do that.

"Spike, why did you tell him he wasn't cool!?" Twilight asked with annoyance in her voice, stunning me. I would never insult Alex like that!

"What are you talking about? I didn't say anything like that to him!" I objected, putting the comic aside to put my hands defensively in front of me.

"You literally said this morning that to become super cool, you first need to become just cool. Or something like that. This clearly hurts Axe! " Twilight said, looking at me with growing irritation. Wait. Hmm.

I slowly picked up the comic and flipped it back a few pages. Then I pointed to the right path with my finger and said: " Actually, I was just reading aloud. Well, sometimes the dialogues are so exciting that I want to hear them."

Twilight just stared at the comic book page without blinking. Then she looked at Alex, who was lying on the bed and slightly raised both hands, as if celebrating something. He must be having a good sleep. She looked back and forth between Alex and me a few more times before taking a deep breath.

"You will tell him about it and apologize. "

As if I have a choice.

I reluctantly nodded and started flipping through the comic to the page where I left off, but Twilight asked, "And Spike..."

"Yes?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Never read aloud again. Never. Twilight replied, shaking her head slightly to emphasize how undesirable this was.

"I get it. " I replied reluctantly, returning to reading.

I didn't get it.

Comments

[Maksim Kamahev]

Ну, странно конечно. Сначала Твайлайт телепортирует Акс в больницу (в самой первой истории), потом говорит, что не будет его лечить магией, ибо к существу из не магического мира нельзя ее применять.
Где логика?
Но за историю спасибо, хоть мне и не особо заходят рассказы, в которых подшучивание над гг превозноситься как одна из основных частей сюжета.

[Udahyas]

11832253
Логика в том, что я ошибся. Спасибо, что указали на это. Я отредактирую этот момент, чтобы он выглядел более логичным.

[Mystic Sunrise]

You know ponies are dealing with a complete and utter loser when Alex acts like he has been in these stories. So no. He's not cool. He's as far from cool as you can ever be.