After getting struck by the new bearers of the Elements of Harmony, Luna returns to her original form, stripped of the Nightmare. She knows that this woman is her sister, but where is she? Why can she only remember major events that have happened? How does she break it to her sister who seems so happy to see her again?
Written from Luna's perspective.
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I think the tag you are looking for is 'Anthro' not 'Human'.
'Human' implies that Humans are interacting in some way with Equestria and its inhabitants.
'Anthro' implies that the creatures of Equestria are being presented as humans or humanoids.
Beyond that, this first chapter is presented quite well, with a premise that is not widely used and, therefore, quite interesting.
This looks like a really good start to this AU story. And yeah, I can understand making the characters human with added attachments in the cases of the magic users (unicorns) angels (Pegasi) and Demigods (Alicorns) because you aren't good at writing ponies. The dialogue, characterizations and future chapter set-up are well done and I'm looking forward to more of this.
The story was good enough that I read on in spite of them, but there were typos that were frequent enough that I was distracted from the story multiple times. For example, 'the luminosity of her sister's', or the talk of 'crowing' Luna with flowers... I honestly almost clicked out of the story without reading further when I saw the first typo early on, so there might be other readers who have done the same thing. Which is a definite pity, given this story had an interesting premise and is competently written.
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I really do appreciate the feedback, and I've went back and corrected all of the errors that I've found. Also, just wanted to clarify in the beginning it was talking about Celestia's ownership of the sun, and therefore "sister's" was possessive. Either way, I'm glad you're enjoying the story despite my typos, I'll make sure to be more careful in the future!
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The thing is, though, 'her sister's luminosity' would have been correct, and 'the luminosity of her sister' would have been correct, but 'the luminosity of her sister's' isn't correct, I don't think. Let me google some grammar stuff and double-check...
Okay, after spending plenty of time googling, I realized the time I was spending and came back. I didn't find anything discussing this exact issue, so I actually am not as certain about it now, but the examples I saw all had EITHER the possessive apostrophe OR the word 'of'. I didn't see any grammar sites showing an example of them being combined- but I couldn't find any of those sites saying not to do it, either. Here's an example of the sort of thing I found: https://courses.lumenlearning.com/wm-writingskillslab/chapter/possessives/
I'm really liking the introduction here. Can't wait to read more of Luna's reminiscence.
I laugh at this.
REALLY appreciate the work going into the dialogue, characterizations, reflections and future chapter set-up here. REALLY liked Luna's thinking about assorted things such as her age, her outward appearance, the location of their home and her older sister's history lessons.
REALLY looking forward to more of this.
Just for clarity, in your fic Celestia and Luna are of the same stature as everyone else, or as in the cartoon, are the royal sisters taller compared to the others?
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They're taller than the average height, but not quite as drastically as in the show. Luna's also a bit shorter than she would normally be due to her weakened state. So I'd say, yes, they're around the same stature as a tall man.
Interesting little chapter this one. I wonder what meaning there could be under those crossed out dialogues. The obvious connection is that they are memories, possibly sensory, one with touch and the other with sight.
Missing a period there.
The name Starswirl did seem very similar to her, though.
similar or familiar?
Good chapter. Interesting first interaction between Luna and Cadence. It seems like Celestia really erased Luna's existence from history if not even Cadence can connect the dots about who this new goddess called Luna is.
assume or suppose or imagine.
Maybe I don't remember correctly anymore, maybe you're taking the comics as canon or that's how you want to do it in your AU, but weren't the Changelings totally unknown to the ponies until the wedding episode?
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A bit of a combination of things, really. In this AU, they're more of a forgotten species, like fairytales that have truth to them. So, it is known that they exist, but it's unknown as to where their kingdom is located.
I can totally believe that this is something that happened out of camera in the show.
I can see that Blueblood is presented in an arrogant and spoiled way (which is fine), but with that said, I think the two sisters act very harshly towards him here.
He is as ignorant of what is going on as anyone and yet they were quick to look down on him for coming up with valid assumptions, even if they are wrong, given the circumstances.
Oh, thestrals will be a thing in this AU story?