I Don't Remember

by nitelight

Chapter 7: Of My Own Truth

By the time Luna's tears dried, she was wrapped up in a robe much too large for her size, her sister's arms and wings extended to completely hold her smaller form. No words had been spoken between the two, just small reassuring nothings being murmured from Celestia's lips as she rocked her and ran her fingers through her damp hair. Her solar magic radiated warmth, any and all shivering from the lunar princess being from her lingering anxieties.

How had she found Luna in the spot she was? Had she returned to her room only to find her in such a situation, or was she informed of what had happened at the barracks earlier and come to check on her? She did not know, but it did not matter. She was glad that she was here, regardless of how.

Being in her sister's embrace was what had spilled her over the edge to finally break down. She had been keeping all of her insecurities of the situation on a low profile until they became too much and spilled over how much she was able to handle. It was comforting, being so completely swaddled and loved, but it still felt wrong. She was comfortable like this, so why did it feel wrong? Celestia was her sister, yes, but she did not know anything about her. How was she to return her love like this?

By now, her crying had subsided down to the occasional sniffle, her throat sore, eyes red and irritated. She hadn't moved since they had settled down on the elder's bed, afraid of what the following conversation would be. It needed to be done. She had hoped that she could put it off till some time later, play it off as being ignorant of the times because of her banishment. Unfortunately, that could no longer happen.

As Luna reached up to wipe away the crystallized salt that had dried around her eyes from her crying, she felt Celestia shift around her. She tried to pay it no mind, to stay silent in her arms. Her chest felt heavy, anxious.

"You get it all out, now?" She finally spoke up, grip loosening some so Luna could have more room to move around. "It's okay, take your time, Lu. I'm here. Whenever you're ready." They were simple assurances, coaxing her out of her meltdown to initiate a conversation. One she wanted to avoid.

Best to get it over with.

Using what room she was given, Luna sat up fully, pushing her sister away gently and sitting in front of her. She hated to do so, but needed the room to breathe and collect herself. She pulled her knees to her chest, not quite burying her face in her arms, robe now being her only source of comfort surrounding her body. The solar princess did not fight against it, straightening out her own posture, a soft gaze pointed at her. She wouldn't push, but her curiosity was hard to miss.

"We art... sorry that thou found us in such a state." Her voice came out scratchy, quieter than she meant it to. How long had she been crying? Long enough that her eyes and throat were achingly dry. Whether her sister intended to reply to that or not, she spoke up again before she could. "I... we do not know what came over us. The day was taxing, we got overwhelmed. This w'rld is not what we art used to."

"I can't imagine how much it is to take in all at once. I wish I could have spent the day by your side... being busy is no excuse. I'm sorry. I had planned to spend the night with you—" Celestia knew she was making up justifications for her actions. She should have never left her sister alone a few hours after she had returned from her exile. She hadn't even thought of what would happen in that time. Luna had always been curious, wandering around to explore the area she was in to the best of her ability to use it to her advantage.

But the Luna sitting in front of her was different than she remembered. Gone was the playful young girl she had known in her youth, and gone was the vengeful young adult that had gotten into a magnificent fight with. Now, she was closed off, quiet, and unsure of herself. It made sense. She had spent the past millennium alone on a barren surface, consumed by a force that would drive her crazy with stifling negative emotions. Celestia had been lonely in a different way; her people loved her, and she was constantly around others who wanted to get on her good side, but she never made a close connection to any of them. Even when she had tried, they had died after a few decades, and hurt her heart more than she could bear. She could not imagine being completely alone, with only her thoughts to keep her company. While she had been making new memories as the world progressed, all Luna had was her memories of a thousand years ago, and more specifically, their fight.

She would never let such a thing happen again. This time, she vowed to listen to her younger sister, to make time for her when she needed.

But it already had.

Seeing her sister in such a state earlier had scared her. She had seemed fine that morning, if a bit rushed to not stay in the same room as her at breakfast. Again, her last memory of Celestia hadn't been positive, excluding their reunion. No excuses that she could make up were what Luna deserved. She had heard of what happened with the guards, but Luna's behavior did not indicate that was what was bothering her. Was it a startling situation? Without question. But deep in her gut, she knew her sister, and that while it may have been a contributing factor to her breakdown, was not what had pushed her over the edge.

"What has you so upset, sister? I hate to see you like this." Celestia dared not reach out to her again. She had pushed away to get her own space. And as much as she wished to hold her till her mind cleared of its worries, she respected the boundaries Luna was putting up between them.

At the elder's question, Luna got fidgety, playing with her hands. How could she explain everything she was feeling? She did not want to let her emotions overwhelm her again. She was not the sister that Celestia had once loved. On the outside, maybe, she was. But she was easily able to see through her lie that the day had simply weighed down on her mind. She wanted to know her sister again.

"We do not know how to tell thee," she said after a pause. Whether from her lack of words to explain, or trying to protect Celestia's happiness, she did not know. She stumbled over what to say next, getting almost irritated in her inability to do so. But her sister was patient, letting her take the time she needed without prying. By the time she had formulated the words in her throat, her eyes stung again with the tell tale signs of tears, voice coming out timidly. "I don't remember anything... The only mem'ries we hold art from when we w're corrupted by the Nightmare, and our banishment following."

She almost dared not to look at her sister after the confession. Would she be surprised? Sympathetic? Angry? No, the expression on her face solidified, blank, unable to be read. Luna's heart was heavy again. This time, she knew, was from her anxieties. She did not know her well enough to know how she would take that information.

A shaky sigh was the only sound in the room between their breathing, Celestia's face finally falling. She looked... sad? But even if she felt tears welling in her eyes, kept them from falling.

"I— Truthfully? You do not remember anything of your life?" She could not wrap her head around it. Had the Elements done this when Twilight and her friends fought against Nightmare? But she had remembered her, tears of happiness shed at their reunion after she'd been freed. Was she simply going along with what she had called her? That was just like her sister, wanting Celestia to believe that nothing was wrong. She had done it before. She only wondered how she had been able to keep it from her for so long— no. She knew. She never asked, and ran off, leaving her alone, just like she had done a millennium ago.

"We know thou art our sister." Luna shifted again, uncurling her back and leaning to the side to the pole on the bed frame. "Aught else hast come to us through interactions."

The information was hard to process through the solar diarch's head. She knew that her sister had lost most of her powers due to the corruption that had taken over her. That, she had expected to happen. Her earlier doctor visit had even confirmed her suspicions of her physical problems, such as diet, state of her body, and magic ability she currently possessed. If the elements had stripped her of next to all of that, why would her mind not be affected? A state of depression, anxieties from the changed world, or even hatred was what she expected. Not... amnesia. But she could still feel that her sister was in there, hidden deep within her mind. She had already said that through interacting with the world, she had remembered some things. No wonder she did not know anything of her, if their only interactions had been limited to their first conversation and a note.

Theories started running through her mind; spells, enchantments, even a hypnosis therapy, to get Luna her memories back, but she quickly stopped herself. Just because she had no recollection of, well, much of anything, did not mean that she could take advantage of it. It was Luna's choice on how she wanted to go along with her ailment. She wanted her sister back, yes, but not for the price of losing her again.

"I don't know what to say. I never even imagined... I am sorry, again, for not spending time to listen to you. But I am here now. It is in no way good enough to make up for lost time, but it is all I can do. I will help you in any way that you need, all you need to do is ask, little sister."

"We wish to know more about thee, sister."

The princess of the sun was happy to indulge in all of the questions that followed that simple statement. Anything she said had the potential to spark something from Luna's mind. She was definitely curious of the life she had once had, asking her of events in history that she claimed to have read earlier. The founding of Equestria, their accession to its throne, their battle against Discord, Sombra and the Crystal Empire, more on the Elements of Harmony, were among such things she was more careful explaining, watching occasionally as something clicked within Luna's mind, smile stretching across her face, proud. Of course, after her curiosities of the history of the land were satisfied, she changed her approach to a more personal force. What had her personality been like? What was her magic connected to? The resulting theories of that question showed Celestia just how smart her sister was. If from only feeling her magic on the sun that morning had led her to rediscovering her own connection with the night. She knew how much her night, her moon, meant to her, and made sure to emphasize just that.

Another question, however, she had to tread carefully on: Did they have any more family? The mention of Starswirl the Bearded being their mentor had again sparked a path of conversation about the sorcerer. A laugh escaping her when Luna had shot up, and exclaimed that she "knew that name sounded familiar!" It was refreshing, seeing Luna get out of her depressing state of confusion to her practically jumping on the information that she was sharing. But alas, another question she was not expecting popped out of Luna's inquisitive tongue.

"Earli'r we ran into a young woman claiming to beest thy niece. Amore Cadenza, she said her name was. Adopted, she assured us, but we still have questions."

"Ah, of course." Running into Cadence was something she had not expected to happen so quickly. But she shouldn't be surprised, seeing everything else which had happened recently. It was slow going, but a blur at the same time. "I adopted Cadence when she was young. Actually, she's not the only one. I also adopted another, a nephew, Blueblood." There had only been a few years in between their adoptions. It hadn't been that long ago, in the grand scheme of things, and she did not have a definitive reason behind doing so. Perhaps she wanted a family again. At the time, Luna was only a few decades from returning, so maybe it was her way of wanting to quell her loneliness in those final years. "I'll introduce the two of you soon enough. But I must warn you. His personality... well, he comes off as arrogant. Once he warms up to you, he may not seem so bad." No matter how long that would take, Luna and Blueblood's personalities would clash. She only hoped that the two had enough control over their emotions to not be in a constant state of quarrel.

Their conversation diverted from there again, going on to simply things she was curious about. Her old way of speaking, along with her ignorance of modern culture, combined in an endearing way. This was a side of Luna she had not seen in many years before their falling apart. Almost as if they were children again. And even though Luna had said all that she remembered of Celestia was their argument, she did not seem hateful towards her. Perhaps she knew there was more to it, and was doing her best not to make assumptions based on her limited knowledge of her.

Other things had been brought up in their conversation as well; things such as Celestia's school of magic, more of Twilight's personality, simple politics of the land, and the role of the nobility. They had covered a wide range of topics before both of the sisters began to yawn. They had both had a long day. Celestia with her duties, which had been complicated more due to Luna's return, and Luna's day of getting reoriented into life.

It was decided that, yet again, Luna would get priority of Celestia's chambers for the night. But this did not stop the younger from grabbing hold of her sister's arm, begging her to stay with her till they awoke together. Deep down, there was some awkwardness to it, sleeping in one another's embrace, but neither minded. Luna felt comfortable in her sister's arms, and could feel it in the way she let out a breath that Celestia was too. There were more conversations they would need to have in the future, ones of the emotions that were hiding behind the euphoria of the reunion. Recency bias was taking its time in the matter. But it could wait.

---

The following morning was unlike the previous. Though her dreams had not been the most favorable, she had not awoken screaming and drenched in sweat. She had jumped upon waking up, but Celestia had already left the bed she was currently wrapped up on. Hopefully she hadn't moved around too much in her sleep and caused a disturbance.

Finally sitting up with a groan, the lunar princess went about rubbing her eyes. They were sore from all of her crying the night before, making a haze settle over her mind. While stretching out her limbs, she caught sight of a light coming from one of the attached rooms. So that's where her sister had run off to. By some force, her aura perhaps, she could feel that she hadn't wandered off too far. She was glad that she was still close. After having talked to her late into the night, she felt as if she was starting to know the woman better. Not as much as she should, no, but they were not strangers. It was a good start to rebuilding their relationship, even if she hadn't regained any major memories from it.

The door opened to reveal Celestia, freshly bathed and ready for the day. All she was missing was her regalia. She much preferred her without it. While she was a princess herself, her equal in the eyes of the law, it made her seem more unapproachable. But it finally gave Luna the chance to get a good look at her. She was tall, that she had known, and most of that was from her long legs. Her hair, another factor that was prominent of her figure, was also long, down to her waist when straightened out, and multicolored. Starting from her roots were brilliant reds, to oranges and yellows, all that fading into pink, blue, and green at the ends. It reminded her of a sunrise. And of course, that brilliant sun was on her shoulder, marking her connection to the heavenly body. They hardly looked related. No. While she did not retain her memories, her gut was able to tell her what was right. When she had looked at her own reflection earlier, she had not recognized herself. Perhaps, when she had her full power, she looked more like her sister, and less her complete opposite.

Her curiosity was eventually noticed, however, as Celestia walked over to the bed she was sitting on.

"You were staring. I don't have something on my face, do I?" Her voice was lighthearted, her playful tone evident in the half smile she gave.

"No! No, we w're... admiring thee, sister." She shot up saying, blood rushing up to her cheeks. Her sister was beautiful, how could she not? But she did not want to come off as insensitive or creepy.

But she did not seem to think that she was, only a smile and chuckle making its way out her lips. Despite her worries about her confession, Celestia still seemed happy that she was back. She was so happy after she had first been freed, and it had not been diminished in the slightest.

She had assured her that it was nothing to apologize for, and that they would have the rest of the day to spend together. Being an early riser, she had already cleared her entire day's schedule. She had claimed she intended to do so before, but with the reveal of her memory loss, figured that it should happen sooner than later.

Spend the entire day with her sister? Nerve racking. But perhaps it would give her a better perspective of the world. Figuring it out on her own had proved difficult. But being with someone who grew with the times, and was close enough to her that would not make her uncomfortable, would be nice.

One thing she had to take care of, despite having the day off, was what she called her "sacred duty." That of raising the sun. She had witnessed her sister doing so the day before, but that was from a distance. This time, she would be right next to her all the while she was performing the action. Upon her invitation, Luna had to stop herself from leaping from her excitement, but ended up getting tangled in the sheets anyway.

The balcony connected to the room oversaw the whole city of Canterlot, a light breeze coming off from the side of the mountain, clouds not far above their heads. Every time she saw the city, and the expanse of the lands beyond the base of the mountain it rested upon, she fell into a sense of wonder. It was beautiful. Even now, before the sun rose.

"I know it hasn't been that long, and you may still be physically unable, but would you like to try lowering the moon?" That, she hadn't expected either. She could hardly lift a sheet of paper without feeling winded with magic use. An object as large as the moon? Forget about it.

But she could at least try, right?

"We shall do our best." With her sister standing off to the side, the lunar princess took a deep breath to steady herself. Reaching out her magic in a way that she had been practicing, she aimed it towards the silvery body in the sky. It was much further than she had anticipated, but seemed to welcome her magic like an old friend. However easy the connection to grasping it was, the action of trying to move it was very different. It wouldn't budge, not even when she pushed more and more of her mana into it. Before the signs of exhaustion fully set through her body, Luna let go of her connection, body almost deflating from the rebound.

Thankfully, her sister did not make fun of her for being unable to move the object, simply taking the moon within her golden yellow aura, and pulling it below the horizon. Though having a slight headache from exerting herself, it was nothing compared to the blinding light of the morning sun peeking out over the far sea in the east. The sheer amount of power she could feel radiating from her sister was immeasurable. It was a stunning sight to look at. The city below visibly got more active, the sounds beginning to make their way up to the tower they were currently in.

"By the way, I've made arrangements for you to be more comfortable here within the castle. I hope you'll like them."

Author's Note:

Confession is finally here! As always, comments and constructive criticism are welcome. Things will start moving a bit quicker from here out.