☆ Hey!~ | Aspen | ☆ ||17|| ★ |She/They|
It’s been a few months since Nightmare Moon’s defeat. Equestria, though still wary, can finally sleep peacefully knowing that the sun will rise another day. Peace reigns over the land, filling their dreams…all but one. Celestia can’t sleep, couldn’t even try since the night her beloved sister Luna…..
To Celestia, this truly is the longest night.
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Good job. I shedded some tears.
In this instance you changed the story from third person to second person?
This was a decent story. Your prose is good, and you seem to have a good sense of detail. The biggest criticism I have is just that the premise is very un-original. There are a million "Celestia feels guilty about banishing Luna" stories out there, and yours, while not bad, doesn't really do anything to stand out. On top of that, you have quite a few mechanical errors as well, which are a bit distracting. You did a good job for a first story, but if I were you, I'd go back through and do some more proofreading when you get a chance.
11817676
Thank you for reading this story!
11820538
thank you for your critique!! I apologize if the mechanical issues I made were distracting, I’ll try to fix them when I get the chance,
And as for the story part, I wanted to try something relatively simple since I don’t have a lot of time irl to flesh more detailed and more complex stories out just yet! But I do appreciate the feedback on that!
I’ll be sure if I do something on a more simple story like that again to add more detail and depth to make it stand out
But thank you for reading my story!
11817402
Me too
Thank you for reading my story!
I hope you continue to write! I really do! The determination can be felt in your craft, and I eagerly look forward to seeing what other wonderous stories and journeys you'll take us on. Whether it be dramatic and emotional as this one, or light hearted and fun, it will be an exciting adventure for both us as your audience, and yourself as an upcoming writer!
The best advice I can give is take your time, we all make editing mistakes (I should know lol) but, keep going! Looking forward to more!
TCG~