(Description requires a few major changes to reflect the change in the story. Please be aware that this description is accurate for the majority of the story's setting, the beginning is not included yet.)
For Fifteen years, Celestia and the Northern half of Equestria have been in the hands of the most destructive enemy Equis has ever known, the Undead. For fifteen years, Shining Armor and Cadence, leading an order of ponies called the Argentum Solarium, have held the northern borders of the last surviving half of Equestria, Luna's Kingdom of Stormane. For fifteen years... Celestia, has been missing, and the sunlight that shines down upon all of Equis, has been cold, and unkind.
With rumors of the neighboring Griffon and Changeling empires gearing for war, and the Elements of Harmony, the six greatest heroes known to Equestria, broken and torn apart by their duties and responsibilities, will Equestria survive? And will the Undead, after fifteen years of remaining in the Fallen Kingdom, or the Shadowlands, finally march against the remaining life of Equis?
A/N: There is some romance in the story currently, but is not the main focus at all.
Cover art by Sinrar.
Right, this is the first chapter of my story, Fallen Kingdom Chronicles(FKC). Hopefully, you have as much fun reading this, as I did writing it.
While, this is, my first full on fanfic, this isn't the first thing I've written. I have tough skin, so com @ me broz.
Any confusion, questions, comments, feeding my ego... Go ahead and speak.
I'll probably say this a lot. Big thanks out to Azu! Who read through the original and found all my errors! (or almost all) So, if you enjoyed this, give the guy a high five!
I also need to learn to draw or find a cover artist...
Ah, it's finally been posted.
Congrats on finally submitting your story, I know you've been working on it for quite some time.
You get a cute Derpy pic
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/157289%2B-%2Banimated%2Bcursor%2Bderpy_hooves.gif?1333659283
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Thanks, man. I put a lot of time into getting this to this point. I hope everypony(one) enjoys it.
And that pic is now going to entertain me forever.
yey AdHD.
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Twas my pleasure
I should get back to work to meet my Monday-deadlinecdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-rgonk.png
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Do I need to get you someone with a whip to help?
Kidding, have fun, magn.
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Are you trying to motivate me, or turn me on?
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Yes.
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That is an unsatisfying answerdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png
Man this sure looks interesting!
Just... In the synopsis/description/whatever it is...
It lacks a word, or it's just me?
Still kindly,
~Sinrar
1399358 He's trying to turn you on
1400857
Actually it has an added word... Evil sneaky words. Thanks!
1399358>>1400874
gameinformer.com/cfs-filesystemfile.ashx/__key/CommunityServer-Components-PostAttachments/00-01-34-76-44/mlp_5F005F005F00_almighty_5F00_trollestia_5F00_by_5F00_huussii_2D00_d46092i.png_2D00_500x400.png
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aah okay
~Sinrar
Annnnd a third comment! I sure feel like commenting today.
Anyway.
A quick review of the first chapter:
This is good. There's some interesting backstories, and I feel like I stepped into some sort of crossover between Fallout, warhammer 40.00, my little pony and Left 4 dead. A good crossover.
The characters are really... hmmm, how to say... alive. It's like they were really existent, with a past, a face... I can merely hear Zeal speaking in my head.
And Twilight/Luna? I'm okay with that (At least it's what I understood).
I like the part about the stars and Luna.
Also, was the "sweet roll" part a wink to Fallout 3? If not, could you please explain me what is it?
Kindly,
~Sinrar
PS: I'm faving this and watching you by now.
PPS: don't expect me trying to do reviews at every chapters.
PPPS: thumbs up.
1401164
Oddly enough, my influences were World of Warcraft, Warhammer 40k, My little pony(durr), and Skyrim.
I won't tell you the references because, first one to PM me all the references and where they are from, gets something... a cupcake, or maybe a gold star. Idk!
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That was my idea
I copyrighted it!!!!!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl2.png
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Well, sorry for you, I got Luna to over-ride your copyright and Celestia to finalize it in my name. You should really stop missing the afternoon teas with us.
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Seniority takes rule
AKA: Me
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To prevent my story from becoming a giant arguement over copyright. Fien. You win.
But I'm still doing it.
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Not like I'll get any of the references anyways.
I don't play WOW or Warhammer 40K
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The ones in chapter 1 should be easy to narrow down from internet memes.
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What is this "meme" you refer to?
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Oh, now you're just trolling me. I just realized... 22 comments... and only 2 actually are about the story.
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Happensdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
I'm gonna get back to work, that secret story won't write itselfdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
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I had a real blast editing this story, it's like you said, the character are really well done.
I can't wait until he gives me chapter 2 to edit. Even though it will probably be a boatload of work (COMMAS!!! ) It'll be worth it to know what happens next!
so what did you think of the battle of fort barrier scene?
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cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/20061326.jpg
Just for you, Azu.
And I think everyone will enjoy chapter 2.
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arch.413chan.net/29703_-_fluttershy_okay_scrunchy_Scrunchy_Face-(n1310424219995).jpg
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D'aww... Now I feel bad.
files-cdn.formspring.me/profile/20120914/n50536e024bc85_medium.png You can feel?
Get out of here! You're only allowed on the blog!
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I agree with you. However, I tried my hand at writing too, and I know - You too, I'm sure of that -, that 9k words are long to write, especially if it's good like that. Even if I don't know how much the next chapter will do in words.
The barrier scene... dammit! I forgot about that in
my crappy attent to... my good review! Hmmm. I should stop commenting when I'm tired.Anyway. The barrier fight was really well discribed, with actions and stuff that reminds me something, but I can't put my finger on it.
Looks like I have to get back working up the nerves to write that seventeeth chapter of my current posted
shitfiction, if I'm not busy writing something nopony will likely read because I'll never post it.Still, it's 7 PM in France. Hmmm. Maybe should I eat something.
Kindly,
~Sinrar
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/37962__safe_rainbow-dash_animated_so-awesome.gif?1342342595
First off: Good story. I do see a lot of potential for later down the line in the story. You've set up a world that actually interests me, and I want to learn more about. Your characters, as a lot of people have already said, feels really alive and have good personalities.
You tip into their backstories carefully and I can't wait to hear more about it.
Again, great world.
Which is also where the problem lies: the world.
While interesting, it's hard to get into because of the in media res (you started in the middle of the story). I know it'll probably come later and you'll explain as we go along, like a lot of stories does. But with the amount of characters, plot-points and new items/spells (like the rune-sword for ex.) it's hard to get a good overlook of everything.
You lose yourself in the scenes sometimes and it leaves the reader somewhat confused as to what's going on. There seems to be a few too many details and yet I feel like I'm missing a lot of backstory (though that might just be me reading this at 8am dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png )
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw1844_small.jpg
I like the story and I'll read chapter 2 later today and give some response on it.
-Glassed
yay for awesome prologue!
Perfect beginning for the story, guy. Love it.
Well then... I guess I'm done here as there isn't so much to say on a prologue.
Just... Something I noticed...
At first it is:
And then it is:
Well, that's all.
Have a good day/night/whatever it is.
Kindly,
~Sinrar
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OH thanks. I'll fix it after class.
One thing, why do they say "men" when refering to troops? It seems a little out of place.
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That is probably a typo that got through the cracks.
Outstanding. I love it.