Creative Freedom

by Silk Rose

Creative Freedom

I open the door to Twilight's library, heading inside as I slow my tears.

Come on, Rarity, get yourself together.

Looking around, I find Twilight reading a book.

I wipe away my tears and go over to her, tapping her should. "Twilight?"

Twilight's ears perk, but her gaze remains on her book. "Oh, hey Rarity, what's up?"

I fidget. "I wanted to ask you something… I wanted to know if you had written any books…" I say, shaken.

Twilight tilts her head in confusion, but keeps reading. "I've thought about it, but so far no. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I had assumed you did because you live in a library and read so much… I guess it's not important…" I say before I turn around and start to shamble towards the door.

"Huh, what does that mean?" Twilight finally glances from her book and spots my crestfallen demeanor. "Rarity, what's going on?"

I turn back to her as a few more tears escape me. "I just wanted to talk to somepony… I thought you might understand my plight, thinking you were another creative."

Twilight gazes softly at me in concern. "What's going on? I've never seen you this distraught before. I- I don't have the same creative experience as you, but I'm always here to talk."

I try my best to steady my breath. "I feel like I don't design for myself anymore, everything I make now is for other ponies, to get their admiration, their praise."

The tears start to flow down my face. "It's never enough anymore, I'm constantly trying to outdo my last design, and I always come out wanting."

My hoof starts to shake. "I can't even finish a dress now, it takes me days to make any progress, constantly rethinking and nitpicking everything I do." I collapse onto Twilight, holding her.

Twilight slowly massages my back with a hoof. "You'll be alright, Rarity, I'm here now. Why don't we go over it one at a time?"

"Well," I sniff and wipe some of the tears from my face." Like I said, I feel like all I make dresses now are just to get admiration and praise."

"What do you mean? Haven't you always loved getting praise and love for your dresses?"

"It's different now, Twilight. I used to be able to go with the wind, as it were. Now I work a rigid schedule; it feels like there is no time for me anymore."

"Really? The girls and I still see you often. It hasn't seemed like you've been gone any longer than before?"

"Yes, I spend nearly all my spare time with you girls. I seldom get a moment to myself, and when I do, I'm too tired to work."

"Oh, I'm… I'm sorry you've been feeling like that lately. You could've told us! If we knew, we could've given you some time for yourself."

"Never the one to disappoint, I wanted to be there for all my friends. I suppose I should have still said something… I'm sorry too."

"Well, you can always talk to us, Rarity. If you'd like some time for yourself, we'd be more than happy to get that! We are always here for you."

"Every dress I make feels worse than the last one, like I'm not a fashion designer anymore. I feel like a failure, despite everypony telling me I'm not."

"But like you said, you're not a failure, Rarity! You have so many open fashion lines, constantly bring in new customers, always making new, unique designs. If anything, you're the complete opposite of failure!"

I squeeze Twilight a little tighter. "But it doesn't change how I feel. I want each new dress to be better than the last, but right now, they aren't."

Twilight stares deep into my eyes. "Rarity, whoever said you have to outdo your last dress every time? Every dress you design is remarkable, not because it's better than your last, but because it's special in its own unique way! That uniqueness is what makes your way of dressmaking so… you!"

I open my mouth, but her gaze silences my next words. I hesitate as I stare deeply back, her words lingering in my mind, before looking away.

"Well… nopony did, I- I guess I just expected too much from myself."

Twilight lays a reassuring hoof on my shoulder. "Your dresses are special because you make them special. Almost every time you design, you're trying something new! Have you forgotten, you never cared about being the most successful or the richest of the dress designers? You care about making each dress speak from your heart, giving them their own identity, their own life, and letting another pony feel that through your dress. You shouldn't put pressure on making a dress better than the last because you never meant for them to even be compared to each other!"

I look at her with tears in my eyes. "You… really mean that?"

Twilight holds my gaze. "I really do."

A sob escapes me as I wipe me my eyes. "I- thank you, Twilight. That… really means a lot to me. But how can I just… simply not worry about surpassing my own designs with every new one? Every time I try to design a dress now, I can't help but look for what I might have missed in the last dress!"

I look away again and trail my eyes along the thousands of tiny, almost imperceptible details throughout the library. "Any unnoticed design flaws, any minuscule color mismatches, any fabric choices that could've been better. I spend so much time now nitpicking my own work, constantly trying to enhance or improve what I already have, it takes me days to make any progress!"

Twilight laughs softly. "I think I know what you mean, Rarity. I felt the same way back in magic school, I was always striving to make my spells faster and stronger and more efficient. Like I told you before, eventually, I learned to appreciate the beauty of learning and crafting instead of just making a better end product."

As more tears fall from my face, I hold Twilight tighter. An almost imperceptible chuckle escaping my lips. "Thank you, Twilight, you are a great friend."

Twilight hugs me tightly, nuzzling me. "You've got to create for yourself. You've got to let go of failure and try your best. You've got to relax and not let it consume you."

I don't respond, simply taking her words in as I hold her.

"Let's get up and get you cleaned up. We can relax together so you're ready to make that next dress the best you can."

I simply nod my head and Twilight helps me up. She wipes away my tears and gives me a warm, friendly smile.

I smile back before giving her one last hug. "Thank you, Twilight."

"You're welcome!"

Comments

[Hyper Star]

Whoo... okay. Let's just skip the pointing out stuff.

---

The feelings in this are relatable, I've never been a perfectionist, so if I say this is a situation I've been through, I've been the Twilight. It seems like this is a vent, no?

I'll give this a "Okay" because this is more of a personal thing than a story, I'm not criticising anything.

[Jymbroni]

Living with a perfectionist I can definitely see a lot of those feelings can build to a point that it's overwhelming. I was hoping for more Rarity's personality to come through but what we got was just fine. Solid story.