Subject Six

by folded_napkin

Chapter 2- A Blade in the Dirt

My body aches, I feel the pain before I even regain consciousness, I manage to open my eye just a crack, and all I see is darkness. Not only can I not see, but my hearing has perished, not a single sound whatsoever. I summon some inner strength to lift my head off the hard ground, and I look into the never ending blackness. I lay there and stare, but I begin to notice something… I can’t put my hoof on it but I can tell it’s something. I stare and I stare, into the never changing- Wait. I slowly begin to grasp what it is. Before I can even run the idea through my mind once more of the blackness instantaneously shifts from black to blinding whiteness. The grays in-between were lost within the second.

I lay there. I lay there utterly dreamless; my internal thoughts were on the whiteness… the blinding, unforgiving whiteness. I have laid here for a lifetime, and I feel like I shall lie here forever.

Uncountable time passed. I feel like it is the end of my life, this forever never ending pain. If it’s not Death, and is in fact reality, than it’s the lonely plain of whiteness that is surely, undoubting, Insanity…

I finally regain internal consciousness, unable to move but my mind is working, an eternity of pain was served, and this is my reward… life.

Once more, I am rewarded; I lift my eyelid and blink.
The whiteness slowly fades, fades into something more nostalgic, a dark
unyielding grey. This familiar color brings me up; I have a newly regained
will, the will to survive.

I bring my head up high and look at the expressionless sky, I lift my hoof up and I bring it down onto the cold ground: and then another… a third… finally, the fourth… I look around, and without thought, I take a step. Then another… more follow. I am walking… walking into the familiar grayness once again.

I am once again part of the perpetual motion that I used to be, not because of familiarity, but because it is all I know. I have forgotten what I knew; the last of my mind has perished. But why continue? Why not? To start again is not something all ponies are “Gifted” with. The clockwork is fading in, it’s almost robotic, utterly instinctual. I ask myself, “Why walk forever when you can die?” and I respond with, “Why die, If you are already dead?”

I feel that insanity is bliss, but how could one surely know, as nopony has ever, “Come back from insanity,” Unfortunately, I believe to be one of those ponies, who traveled to insanity never to return, lost in the chaos of their own mind. I don’t mind it actually, it seems like a soothing end, if you are unable to tell what parts are real, why not believe that they are all your imagination. Imagination… When it’s paired with insanity, it is truly the end.

I am still walking, I haven’t eaten in quite possibly a few lifetimes, but why would I need to, my mind is already dead, why not the rest of me!

As I walk, I begin to wonder, I wonder some very, very strange
things, of likes that shouldn’t be thought by anypony. But thankful for my
will, I proceed… proceed further on the never ending plain. Honestly, I am not
sure that it is never ending, but there is no possible way to tell, and I don’t
think I will ever know.

I continue walking for a considerably long time when something bright catches my eye. I begin to get confused, so I retrace my steps. There it is again! Something is lying in the dirt a few meters away from the path I was walking. I slowly make my way over to the undefined item, unaware of what it is. I reach it, and instantaneously know what it was; I remember it from my past, the past that has been lost to me. The object was a knife, an old sheath knife, it had some rust coating the blade, but despite this, I noticed a word etched into the blade ‘Salvation’.

An odd name, ‘Salvation’, a very odd name indeed. As I stare into its rusted blade, I begin to wonder about how it could get to such a place as here. I sit down for a while and I inspect the blade in front of me, I have never felt this before, but I just KNOW that it means something, but I also KNOW that it could mean nothing, just nothing at all. I think one last thought before I continue on my endless journey, but as the thought crosses my mind I chuckle a little bit. After a few moments of this, I grasp the knife in my forehoof and walk forward, further into the endless plain.

As I walk, the same thought is hammering around in my brain, it is the unspeakable thought, the thought most ponies think of at least once. Some ponies conquer over this thought... But some crumble under its crushing force. I am unsure of what side I lay on, and I wonder how this whole situation is going to end.

I press on, even as the thought presses further into my mind. I am starting to believe that I might give in, but I notice, that with each step I take, I put the thought further back. As I walk, I am in a constant war with myself, a war that can only end in life or destruction.

As I walk, I begin to realize that I have been further losing my memory; I can't even remember why I am still clutching this dull knife. I know that I must, but I have no clue why. I am still walking, but the further I go, the more I lose my mind, but the more the thought is pushed back...

I walk and I walk, but no closer do I get to the end, and I am starting to believe that the second possibility may be my only choice to end this insanity. I am basing this on a mere fact, that if I have no memory, no clue who I am or what I am here for, so why should I press on, only to delay the inevitable?

I never knew that a life could dwindle down to such a point, where there is only one escape, the one escape that nopony should ever need to make. I am starting to believe that this is what I must do, and that there is no other way.

I clear my throat, and I look up into the sky. It's dark and motionless Grey is something that I could never forget, if I could only survive long enough...

On the last second before I snap, a thought crosses my mind, a final run, the home stretch, the last try, before the end of it all. I mentally prepare myself, and then I run...

I run...

I run the fastest I have ever, never stopping, never yielding. I run...

I feel unstoppable, even when faced with the never ending stretch, I truly feel free, free from the- THUD! I stop. Like I hit a wall, have I reached the end?

As I look up, my head starts to spin, but I can clearly see nothing has changed, nothing to hit, nothing to stop me...

As I stumble upwards onto my feet, I laugh, and I pull the knife from my clutch. I bring it closer. I close my eyes as I feel the cool edge against my neck... I feel like I can't do it, but I know I must. I slowly increase the pressure on my neck... I am about to do it but my hoof is locked into place. I slowly feel a warm feeling run down my front, and I look down...

Past the knife I see the one lonely drop of blood reach the ground...

My body screams at me, and I scream back. And finally, as I can bear it no longer, I break the tension on the knife. My leg flings out and I lose grip of the knife- CRACK!

I slowly turn to where the knife would lay, but instead of lying on the ground, it is jutting out of something...

I walk over to it, and after a closer look I can start to see cracks spreading from the knife. As the cracks spread, I start to laugh again.

I laugh as the world around me comes crashing down, but as the cracks finally reaches the other horizon, I collapse...

This time... blackness.

Comments

[Dusty Sage]

This is a bit scary: having come too close to a precipice once upon a time, I remember feeling this discombobulated, the mind hyperactive and the soul seemingly empty.

I have to see how this turns out. Consider this faved.

[folded_napkin]

1912892 Glad you liked it!
I'm glad somepony else also decided to join in on the fun. (Which would be the fun of molesting my writing with your eyeballs)