Never meet your heroes

Love is such a strange thing, you can't control it, but it will control you. Thunderlane finds this out the hard way when he falls in love with someone he shouldn't.

Proofreader- TheAncientPolitzanian

Cover images by https://derpibooru.org/tags/artist-colon-kikirdcz

Written as an entry for the M/M Shipping Contest III.

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Comments ( 3 )

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AltruistArtist

AltruistArtist #1 · Dec 27th, 2023 · 3 · 1 ·

I really enjoyed the tone you struck with this story. Your choice of first-person narration for Thunderlane bolstered the introspective nature of the piece, which I could tell you were going for. The snapshot vignettes of how his life progressed with Soarin were effectively emotional -- I really wanted their love for one another to be afforded some ease!

If I could offer a piece of constructive critique, I would have liked to see the central ideas of this story fleshed out even more. You've created a very captivating narrative around balancing one's public perception as a celebrity alongside the love one only feels safe expressing in private and that is a very heavy theme. Why do the Wonderbolts in specific feel this pressure? Is this a version of Equestria where homophobia is present? There's a lot of rich ground to dig deeper into.

A real strength of this story though was your interlude passages that began with "Love is like a ____" They were beautifully written and I enjoyed the way they illuminated how Thunderlane was experiencing his and Soarin's developing relationship!

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #2 · January 15th · 1 · 1 ·

I was sitting in a small blue room at the Wonderbolts' Headquarters with a dozen other ponies. It wasn't a secret that enrollments at the academy had declined. With the growth of cities like Manehattan and Fillydelphia, many pegasi had moved out, pursuing more traditional jobs.

honestly the fact that the canon narrative gives so little attention to these major cities that theoretically hold a good chunk of Equestria’s population really is something! good to see them having an effect on stories

I didn't know why I couldn't tear them from him. I convinced myself it was admiration.

ehehe

Love is like a door. A heavy door, and some are heavier than others. The lover's door is ajar, and you need a lot of strength to open it. But if you try to force it open, it might close, so you limit yourself to peeking through the hole at what could be.

i have never heard this metaphor before but it is a good one! love truly can be like that sometimes yeah

“Meh, you'll get used to it. Anyway, we need to celebrate! I know a place nearby that makes fantastic cocktails,” he suggested with a cocky grin on his face.

that is the best way to tell someone a place has fantastic cocktails

Love is like a secret. A shameful secret, and some are more shameful than others. Thus those who love must do so in silence. You must be careful with the secrets you carry in your heart. This kind of secret grows, thrives in silence, burns inside and it might explode. But this is the price to pay for love.

oof this is such a sad way to look at it, but really illustrates where Thunderlane is here

That particular Saturday, Cloudchaser and I hurried inside. We were fashionably late, but if we didn't hurry, we would have to remove the term 'fashionably.'

oh no, a social disaster that would be!

Spitfire smirked at him. "I don't think you'd be so upset if we did."

ahaha gottem

He approached and enveloped me in a hug. "Fame comes with obligations. As long as we're Wonderbolts, we're not free to live as we want" - he leaned in to give me a quick kiss -"but there are moments when no one can see us, and we’ll make the best out of them.”

ah, this makes the timeline make sense, in retrospect! good scene to illustrate the tension Thunderlane feels with his private life in the face of public scrutiny. and a clever way to replicate the dynamics of having to keep a relationship hidden in a world that isn’t shown to have the same homophobia as ours!

“Yes, Captain,” I responded. “You know why I’m doing this. I trust that you’ve already found a good replacement.”

love the timejump being established here just with Rainbow Dash being the captain

I grinned and approached the doorway. “There is nothing to look at! Just two non-Wonderbolts having some private time!” I shouted, closing the door.

hehe, great way for Thunderlane to finally shake off the constraints of fame and the public eye from earlier, with this couple actually being random passersby rather than paparazzi

really adorable at the end, just like the cover of the fic itself. thank you for writing!

MadAboutThePony