Schizophrenic but I try to make my stories make sense if they dont too bad not insane just gets loud sometimes
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You created a story only to put it on hiatus?
11678256
I run out of motivation fast
11678258
Why did you even make it, then?
11678369
It was sitting in my documents collecting dust because I wrote it months ago so bam
11678456
This is an illogical mess that I'd expect an AI to churn out. Did you even read it before posting?
Edit: This was harsh but it is testing positive for being written by a machine and does seem exceedingly illogical in places.
11678756
AI can't turn out stories as whacky as mine, and uhh, not really. I really suck at backstories, I just wanted a badass shoot-out scene but as I make more chapters it'll get into the good stuff. I wrote it as a summary since it's easier for me
What do we have here? An interesting concept about if Fluttershy had a sister, I see a lot of downvotes but nobody really says why this fic deserve it.
I see... School drama, I'm not a big fan of this kind of stories but I really want to know more about Fluttershy's sister and the relationship she has with her.
It was a good start, I found it very cute how Ploomette teaches Fluttershy to fly.
From here we started with the school drama of Fluttershy being bullied as expected and her sister defending her, that part also seemed cute to me, who wouldn't defend Fluttershy? she deserves heaven
Various characters are introduced but we hardly see them interact with each other.
You may have added scenes of them chatting during classes or a casual conversation to know the personality of each one of them, but you say everything and don't show it, this is the first mistake I found in this story.
(Show, don't tell)
The same here, this is an important point of the plot and almost nothing is deepened about it.
How did they meet? Why do they love each other?
It would have been a great opportunity for Rarity to befriend Fluttershy and then introduce her to her brother.
And that her brother or Fluttershy started to be friends, then become so close that they become a couple, but the same thing, you say everything and don't show it.
When a character is going to speak needs a new paragraph, everything stuck together makes it uncomfortable to read.
What the fuck? School shootings in Equestria? That is a topic that people generally don't like at all, especially those from the USA, I see that this could be reason enough for this story to have downvotes. What I can tell you is that you have to be very careful when you touch topics like this.
What kind of reaction is that? In the middle of the shooting you start to question the help of a relative, I know that Ploomette had a fight with Flutter but in a risky situation, personal problems should not matter.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?? When I read this I fell out of my chair laughing, should this story be taken seriously? I have no idea, how is it possible that he is a human? And nopony reacts or says anything about it?
So Rarity is a human too?
Neo from matrix left Trinity for being a bitch.
He got tired of humans and ended up marrying Cookie Crumbles. Although I don't blame him, I would have done the same, Cookie is damn sexy.
Natural Selection... please tell me this is not about Eric and Dylan.
And Ploomette being sarcastic after a shooting, after the school blew up and a lot of ponies died, probably her friends too?
There are too many problems with this story, it's not coherent, I mean, it starts off well if I don't deny it, it was cute, but the more the plot goes on, the weirder, more ridiculous it gets.
The whole shooting scene doesn't make sense, the characters' reactions don't add up, it feels like they were programmed, I mean, they don't feel natural.
The OCs that are introduced hardly speak or interact with each other.
That revelation of Rarity's brother being a human was the most random thing I've seen in a fic, on top of that the bullets don't do anything to him.
And the plot armor is very noticeable there, you didn't even try to find a reason or something why that happened, nothing.
If I had to rate this story from 1 to 10.
I would give it a 2/10
The idea that Fluttershy had a sister seemed interesting to me, about the grammar I can't say anything because I'm not a native english speaker but it was understandable for someone who speaks spanish, so on that side it's fine.
Your ideas are very good and interesting, but you execute them poorly, the same should happen with your other stories but I know you can improve, this is not about who is better or worse, the important thing here is that you enjoy writing and you make an effort to bring us a good fic that is worth it.
No matter what others say if you put your mind to it, you will surely be a great writer.
11686355
Thanks for the advice its helping me touch up on my story :) ill improve new chapters
The second chapter seems to suffer a lot of the same issues as the first. Unnatural character reactions, huge plot armor, illogical situations, and contrived coincidences. And again your prose feels once again AI written.
That's because I can't comprehend human empathy in real life so throwing it into MLP fics makes it even harder, emotions are hard to get down!
what does this have to do with humans?
11687406
Rarity's brothers a human in this did you actually read it
This... was weird, exactly what I expected. I know you're schizophrenic so I'll let it slide and give you an upvote but I'm not continuing to read. No hard feelings?
11687454
Thanks for the upvote
Who's disliking all the comments? It's probably someone who didn't like the story, I mean, if ya'll didn't like it then leave, don't go around disliking the entire fking comment section
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Yeah, I found that weird. It's happened on all my stories, doesn't matter what somebody said. I think its either bots on the site or someone REALLY mad at me
Derpy has a parcel for you!
Click the spoiler to open it. 📦
It's a review! Are you gonna check it out?
I don't know about you all but I found a way to enjoy these fics.
And it is that don't expect a RunicTreetops or an Admiral Biscuit or perhaps a Stephen King, take it as a random fic, so random that it can even make you laugh, I think that is the problem of most of the users from this site, they expect that everything have to be a philosophical masterpiece that makes us question life.
And taking into account that Rainbow Fucktory is schizophrenic, we have to respect the author because I am sure that dude makes an effort to bring us a good fic despite his condition, that is admirable.
Changing your point of view that these stories are pure random comedy may be entertaining because I was dying of laughter at the unnatural interactions of the characters.
Although sometimes it turned dark like what they did to Opal, that was very unexpected.
This fic reminds me of my first Trainspotting story, the ponies were insulting, black comedy, it is very rare that people come to enjoy this type of fic especially if it is based on MLP.
I will only tell you to be careful with rape and necrophilia jokes and how you implement them in your story, they are very strong themes that can be very unpleasant, better focus on other softer themes that do not offend anyone.
Just read the chapters posted so far (up to "The Deal"). Pretty bizarre, but I'm interested what happens next actually.
I hope Ploomette survives the week at Rarity's place...
Kinda curious of your other works, I'll go give them a look! Keep up the interesting work!
11730110
Thanks! doing my best