• Member Since 8th Mar, 2023
  • offline last seen February 26th

RainbowFucktory


Schizophrenic but I try to make my stories make sense if they dont too bad not insane just gets loud sometimes

Comments ( 20 )

You created a story only to put it on hiatus?

11678258
Why did you even make it, then?

11678369
It was sitting in my documents collecting dust because I wrote it months ago so bam

11678456
This is an illogical mess that I'd expect an AI to churn out. Did you even read it before posting?

Edit: This was harsh but it is testing positive for being written by a machine and does seem exceedingly illogical in places.

11678756
AI can't turn out stories as whacky as mine, and uhh, not really. I really suck at backstories, I just wanted a badass shoot-out scene but as I make more chapters it'll get into the good stuff. I wrote it as a summary since it's easier for me

What do we have here? An interesting concept about if Fluttershy had a sister, I see a lot of downvotes but nobody really says why this fic deserve it.

I see... School drama, I'm not a big fan of this kind of stories but I really want to know more about Fluttershy's sister and the relationship she has with her. :yay:

"Fluttershy I believe in you, all you have to do is flap your wings really fast, here, ill help you," she explained patiently, flying up to her little sister's level. "Grab my hooves, I'll show you." trusting her older sister, Fluttershy lifted her hooves out, squeezing onto Ploomette's pink ones as she hoisted her up high into the sky. "See Shy? it's not so bad, can't you see all of Cloudsdale from up here?"

It was a good start, I found it very cute how Ploomette teaches Fluttershy to fly. :fluttercry:

"Leave her alone!" Ploomette would always shout. She was big and scary enough to chase any meanie away. When Fluttershy got injured on the playground, Ploomette would scoop in and kiss her booboos away. She was the best big sister any pony could ever ask for, and they rarely ever argued. But sadly, Fluttershy's beloved sister was taken away by the sad reality of becoming a teenager. As they reached high school, Ploomette became insecure about her appearance and what other ponies thought of her. She started chasing stallions and leaving Fluttershy all alone. Eventually, they stopped flying home together.

From here we started with the school drama of Fluttershy being bullied as expected and her sister defending her, that part also seemed cute to me, who wouldn't defend Fluttershy? she deserves heaven :ajsmug:

She found a better group of ponies to hang out with, Fluttershy knew. Early on Ploomette befriended two ponies, one was named Diamond Rose. She was an all-white pegasus with a red and pink mane. Her blue eyes were always sparkling, and her cutie mark was a shiny pink crystal. She was popular for being friends with Princess Cadance before her graduation, right before she was transformed into an alicorn. The second girl, a lavender-colored pegasus with a pink mane almost the same color as Fluttershy's mane was called Sweetsong. She became loved by all the school for her ongoing music career. Fluttershy had always assumed she and her sister got along so well because they both shared a deep love for music.

Various characters are introduced but we hardly see them interact with each other.
You may have added scenes of them chatting during classes or a casual conversation to know the personality of each one of them, but you say everything and don't show it, this is the first mistake I found in this story.
(Show, don't tell)

But not all was bad for young Fluttershy, at one point she managed to win the heart of one of the school's most popular students siblings, Rarity's brother. This made her and Rarity closer to each other. Rarity was on top back then, ponies had caught wind of her latest taste in fashion and even copied her out of admiration. So imagine Fluttershy's surprise when Rarity's brother fell for her. He liked the shy ones.

The same here, this is an important point of the plot and almost nothing is deepened about it.
How did they meet? Why do they love each other?
It would have been a great opportunity for Rarity to befriend Fluttershy and then introduce her to her brother.

And that her brother or Fluttershy started to be friends, then become so close that they become a couple, but the same thing, you say everything and don't show it.

However, Ploomette proved to be very mistaken. Fluttershy and Rarity's brother valdroxx loved each other so much! They even had sex and Ploomette saw this! and he was famous so she was in all his videos making Fluttershy cool like he was. and now Fluttershys older sister was so mad. "GRRR! I just don't get it, Fluttershy was known as the quietest pony in school, nopony ever talked to her, then suddenly Rarity's brother comes in and falls head over heels for her? it makes no sense!" she complained to her friends. "Well we don't have anybody either, Ploomette. You should be happy for your sister even if she's the biggest punching bag in the school right now."

When a character is going to speak needs a new paragraph, everything stuck together makes it uncomfortable to read.

Just then, the gym's doors burst open. Ploomette was stopped dead in her tracks as she caught a glimpse of Rainbine entering, something clasped in both her hooves. And good grief! She was still wearing that dreadful trench coat. It already looked terrible on any normal school day BUT AT THE PROM!? Rainbine raised them, and all of a sudden everyone started screaming. "What's going on!?" Sweetsong gasped. It wasn't until Ploomette caught sight of the gun she had aimed at the stage did it click.

What the fuck? School shootings in Equestria? That is a topic that people generally don't like at all, especially those from the USA, I see that this could be reason enough for this story to have downvotes. What I can tell you is that you have to be very careful when you touch topics like this.

"But I don't understand, why are you helping me now? you hated me before!" Fluttershy called out to her sister. Ploomette stopped and flattened her ears, turning toward her little sister and meeting her turquoise eyes. "I don't hate you Fluttershy, I was just envious of how much better you were than me! my whole life I thought I was smarter than you were, and I had to teach you everything. I was supposed to be your idol! and when I found myself wishing to be more like you, I didn't know how to feel. But obviously, I don't want you to die either!"

What kind of reaction is that? In the middle of the shooting you start to question the help of a relative, I know that Ploomette had a fight with Flutter but in a risky situation, personal problems should not matter.

"Yeah I'm ok," he said because he actually dodged all the bullets! he was a human so the bullets couldn't touch him. But the police thought he caused the shooting because he had thumbs that could pull triggers. "ARREST HIM!" the police said and they throw him into the police car. "FUCK GUYS IT WASN'T ME!" he said but they drive off so fast.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?? When I read this I fell out of my chair laughing, should this story be taken seriously? I have no idea, how is it possible that he is a human? And nopony reacts or says anything about it?
So Rarity is a human too?

Neo from matrix left Trinity for being a bitch.
He got tired of humans and ended up marrying Cookie Crumbles. Although I don't blame him, I would have done the same, Cookie is damn sexy. :rainbowlaugh:

"Well, I won't kill you, since you've been put through as much hell as I have, but that pink bitch sitting next to you is going to face natural selection for sure." Rainbine snarled, reloading her gun. It went cha-chink as she aimed for the throat. "Prepare to die!"

Natural Selection... please tell me this is not about Eric and Dylan. :rainbowderp:

"NOOOO valdroxx" Fluttershy cries and Ploomette frowns. "I can't believe they thought your boyfriend did that! I mean, Rainbine has BINE in her name, you know, you'd think it would be obvious?"

And Ploomette being sarcastic after a shooting, after the school blew up and a lot of ponies died, probably her friends too? :trixieshiftright:

There are too many problems with this story, it's not coherent, I mean, it starts off well if I don't deny it, it was cute, but the more the plot goes on, the weirder, more ridiculous it gets.

The whole shooting scene doesn't make sense, the characters' reactions don't add up, it feels like they were programmed, I mean, they don't feel natural.

The OCs that are introduced hardly speak or interact with each other.

That revelation of Rarity's brother being a human was the most random thing I've seen in a fic, on top of that the bullets don't do anything to him.

And the plot armor is very noticeable there, you didn't even try to find a reason or something why that happened, nothing.

If I had to rate this story from 1 to 10.

I would give it a 2/10

The idea that Fluttershy had a sister seemed interesting to me, about the grammar I can't say anything because I'm not a native english speaker but it was understandable for someone who speaks spanish, so on that side it's fine.

Your ideas are very good and interesting, but you execute them poorly, the same should happen with your other stories but I know you can improve, this is not about who is better or worse, the important thing here is that you enjoy writing and you make an effort to bring us a good fic that is worth it.

No matter what others say if you put your mind to it, you will surely be a great writer. :twilightsmile:

11686355
Thanks for the advice its helping me touch up on my story :) ill improve new chapters

The second chapter seems to suffer a lot of the same issues as the first. Unnatural character reactions, huge plot armor, illogical situations, and contrived coincidences. And again your prose feels once again AI written.

That's because I can't comprehend human empathy in real life so throwing it into MLP fics makes it even harder, emotions are hard to get down!

what does this have to do with humans?

11687406
Rarity's brothers a human in this did you actually read it

This... was weird, exactly what I expected. I know you're schizophrenic so I'll let it slide and give you an upvote but I'm not continuing to read. No hard feelings?

Who's disliking all the comments? It's probably someone who didn't like the story, I mean, if ya'll didn't like it then leave, don't go around disliking the entire f:trollestia:king comment section

11687692
Yeah, I found that weird. It's happened on all my stories, doesn't matter what somebody said. I think its either bots on the site or someone REALLY mad at me

Derpy has a parcel for you!

Click the spoiler to open it. :derpytongue2: 📦
It's a review! Are you gonna check it out?

I don't know about you all but I found a way to enjoy these fics. :rainbowlaugh:
And it is that don't expect a RunicTreetops or an Admiral Biscuit or perhaps a Stephen King, take it as a random fic, so random that it can even make you laugh, I think that is the problem of most of the users from this site, they expect that everything have to be a philosophical masterpiece that makes us question life.

And taking into account that Rainbow Fucktory is schizophrenic, we have to respect the author because I am sure that dude makes an effort to bring us a good fic despite his condition, that is admirable.

Changing your point of view that these stories are pure random comedy may be entertaining because I was dying of laughter at the unnatural interactions of the characters.
Although sometimes it turned dark like what they did to Opal, that was very unexpected. :rainbowderp:

This fic reminds me of my first Trainspotting story, the ponies were insulting, black comedy, it is very rare that people come to enjoy this type of fic especially if it is based on MLP.

I will only tell you to be careful with rape and necrophilia jokes and how you implement them in your story, they are very strong themes that can be very unpleasant, better focus on other softer themes that do not offend anyone. :pinkiesmile:

Just read the chapters posted so far (up to "The Deal"). Pretty bizarre, but I'm interested what happens next actually. :pinkiegasp:
I hope Ploomette survives the week at Rarity's place...
Kinda curious of your other works, I'll go give them a look! Keep up the interesting work!

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