A tiny foal faces her fears, taking the first steps towards something great. You'll recognize her by the end.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 6th Aug, 2022
- offline last seen Nov 3rd, 2023
Saignus
I'm a late-comer to this Fandom trying to make up for lost time. Worldbuilding is my jam
Saignus
Joined 6th Aug, 2022 ·
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This was a good little story, especially considering this is (what I'm assuming is) your first story. The premise is good, and you clearly had a good idea of what the story needed. I will say that it felt a bit fast-paced, and that there was some weird formatting that was a bit distracting, but on a high level, it was okay.
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Thanks for taking a moment to tell me what you thought of it.
Yeah, this is a first story.
Honestly, after reading it again, the pacing is a little janky. It was also annoying to me not using names until the end. An older draft used pseudonyms, and it just didn't work. I want to write more shorts like this, and I'm looking for better ways of structuring things for flow.
Got any tips on better formatting?
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The lack of usage of names didn't bother me, and I don't think most people would be bothered by it if it's done well. Not to toot my own horn, but not using names is a trick that I myself use often in my stories. I've found that making this work requires consistency and being very obvious to readers, which is normally pretty easy to accomplish.
Regarding structuring, you should always remember that scene breaks are an option to you. You can jump from one scene to another without having to have narration bridging the gap. The FimFiction text editor has a nice horizontal bar that I like to use for this purpose.
When I mentioned formatting, I was mainly referring to paragraphing. You have places in this story where sentences that should be in separate paragraphs with line breaks are smooshed together, making it harder to read. The FimFiction writing guide has a section on this, which I'd recommend you read if you're having trouble.
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This is what I get for writing mainly technical stuff for a decade xD
Yeah, makes sense. Scene breaks and smaller paragraphs. That's helpful for me