I can't believe it's naught but her

by Near Miss

The Chapter

Not all ponies know how to use roller blades, of those that do, most can't do it backwards, of those that can, most look where they're going, of those who don't only one can usually be found daydreaming at the same time.

Butter Blades was in her own world, barely noticing the odd panicked pedestrian precariously passed at perilous proximity. She was jolted back to reality by a sudden thickening of the ponies walking behind her. Slowing sharply, BB made her way through the crowd, moving forwards this time, to see the front half of Scootaloo protruding from a drainpipe. Scootaloo saw BB, and called out, "Butter! Help a girl out will ya? I'm stuck in my front door again!"

"Hold your horses, I'll get you out again," BB replied, approaching the stuck pegasus and producing her signature stick of butter seemingly from thin air. "Just gotta get your butt buttered up here," and following a solid yank, Scootaloo was again free.

"Thanks BB, you're a life saver. I don't think I'll ever understand how you just know when somepony needs butter, but I'm glad you do." Scootaloo said, trying to brush herself off, but only managing to spread the butter around.

"That's the thing, I don't really know when or where butter will be needed, but I always seem to end up at the right place," Butter Blades countered rubbing her chin thoughtfully, "Also, you'll want to clean yourself up before you get up to anything, don't want you to stroll past a fire and get butter balled." And with that BB took her leave, continuing through the park towards downtown and Milk-Shak'em-s, the most popular hayburger joint around.

---

With a large butterscoch milkshake in hand, BB was about to make her way back outside when her attention was drawn to Sunset Shimmer emitting a defeated groan, head in her hands. Riker-ing a stool, BB sat down next to Sunset, "What's wrong Shimmy?"

"I can't stop these watercolors from running together, and I need this banner done by tonight!" She said, holding up one end of a long banner with letters outlined on it.

"Don't worry, I've got just the thing- just outline the shapes with butter and the watercolors won't run where you don't want them!" BB beamed, proffering a freshly extant stick of butter. As she turned to leave, a thought crossed her mind, "By the way, what's the rush on the banner?"

"I kinda blew up the school again, so I need another apology banner."

---

Continuing on her buttery way, Butter Blades soon came upon a police roadblock which had crawled to a stop. Spotting everypony's favorite cholestero-gal, Officer Prosaic Prattle beckoned BB over. "Am I ever glad to see you Miss Butter Blades! Princess Cadence ordered us to set up a roadblock and cavity search everypony heading north on Mane Street. It went well at first, we kept the line moving and the wait wasn't too long, but then around noon the line stopped getting any shorter. We were fisting faster than a boxer on a speed bag on a speed ball, yet if anything the line was getting longer."

"That's not the only thing was gettin' longer!"

"DAMN IT CORRAL! Princess Pretty Pink may have prevailed 'pon us to punch puckered ponuts down in Pony Plaza, but we can still practice some Pissin' Pro-fessionalism!" He turned back to BB, "Sorry about that Miss Butter, but the reason I called you over here is that now we're also out of lube."

"I was wondering why I suddenly needed to take this detour," Butter answered, as she precipitated the presence of yet another stick of butter. As she turned to leave, another officer told his most recent searchee that they were good to go, only for the pony in question to gasp theatrically.

"Oh no! I left my purse at the start of the line, guess I'll have to go back through again!"

"Guards! What is all this?" The line parted to reveal Princess Cadence, looking confused and annoyed.

"As you ordered, we're cavity searching everypony going north on Mane Street." Answered Prosaic Prattle proudly.

Cadence was taken aback, "I gave no such order. Also, You!" She called to the pony returning to the back of the line, "Don't think I didn't see you there Chrysalis, Shiny needs you to pick up Flurry Heart after summer camp today."

---

Butter Blades continued on her way, not really heading anywhere in particular, at least not that she knew of, and before long she had made her way to the town playground, where Rarity was struggling to get the perfect selfie while ostensibly keeping an eye on the Cutie Mark Crusaders as they played on the jungle gym. Rolling up to Little Miss Couch Faint, BB inquired as to what was wrong.

"Oh Butter Darling! I'm having the most dread-ful time getting this selfie just right, the pond behind me simply will not settle down!" Rarity declared in a huff, "I'm not quite sure how butter could possibly help my situation, but nevertheless, here you are."

BB surveyed the situation briefly before holding up straightening up in triumph. "Rarity, what you need is softer focus- You need to use a Vasoline shot for your photo!" As Butter Blades's arm thrust towards Rarity, for the tiniest of instants all the colors of the world inverted with an audiable, brittle crack. Almost before it had started it was over, and the world was back to how it had been, except BB was now holding a stick of butter.

Rarity's eyes brightened sharply as she accepted BB's gift. "Sweet Celestia, of course! Thank you Butter Blades! Thank you! You truly are the town's greasiest hero!"

"You Butter believe it"

"Don't worry Scootaloo, we'll get you out of that slide," Applebloom called, "Big Mac taught me you can get anything into or out of a hole if you push hard enough."

From the distance, "DAMN IT CORRAL! Stop padding it to 1000 words!"

Author's Note:

For those of you who don't know, this is Riker-ing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVIGhYMwRgs

Comments

[Shady Nail]

Favorite for the puns.

[reflective vagrant]

I wonder if the AI was programed to ignore Derpy as much as possible due to the controversy back when. There are question-answer/chat AIs that claim they would not perform a racial slur in a court setting to quote a detail in the court, even if it would save an innocent life from being executed. I think a more extreme example was given for it to cure racism itself (alongside other things) by speaking a single slur once just to quote it, and the AI still refused, but I might be remembering that one wrong.

[16qd]

11534752
Hi, I'm the one who generated the images and helped write the story. In this particular case, the reason the AI has trouble with Derpy and other side characters is simply that they aren't as common as the mane 6, the CMC and the princesses in the training data. You can usually get it to make side characters, but you have to explicitly tell it what they look like to "remind" it. ie. you can't just have "Derpy Hooves" in the prompt. You have to add "Derpy Hooves, pegasus pony with gray body, blonde hair, and yellow eyes." Once you get the prompt close enough, it will recognize what you want usually, but Derpy is hard because she's blonde AND has yellow eyes. That's two sources of yellow in the prompt, and it dominates. As a result making Derpy without getting Butter Blades is rare.

[reflective vagrant]

11536441
so... either A) you had it target a picture that had butter blades in it and didn't prompt her out, and she won the random roll of the die, or

B) Butter Blades was generated by an incomplete description of Derpy, not clarifying the grey body.

I might have to see if there are other images of Derpy that are machine ai generated and compare.

[16qd]

11536463
Oh, yeah. I'm actually quite capable of getting Derpy pics. I've got TONS. This just happened because I was trying to get some with a specific prompt and it kept making this character enough that I showed her to my friend and then we decided to name her and write a story. But, Derpy IS one of the harder side characters to get right. Certain color combinations just tend to set the AI off in various tangents more than others.