emerald_shine
Joined 29th Dec, 2022 ·
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cool
keep up the good work
11517595
thanks. for some reason though it seems I have more dislikes than likes. I wish people would at least comment what they don't like about the story
still good as always
11518295
ok
cool and good
keep up the good work
cool and keep up the good work
cool keep up the cool work
There's a fair bit of technical problems here, from a lack of capitalization to typos like "werre". The worst one is a lack of exclamation marks that give a sense everything is too calm.
Aside of that, dialog seems very overly straightforward and uninteresting, as it's really only interesting acts (which seem to be...too dramatic and focused on violence in nature) driving things, and the prose has problems with seeming natural.
Altogether, this story just doesn't "take off" like it should, it's stuck on the ground.
11531866
There is more to this story. Izzy if you read the rest, there is character development and backstory. There's more than just violence throughout the whole thing. As for the typos, That was my mistake I was probably tired when I was writing them.
11532105
I read the rest, so I know it's not just like, punching all the time, but it all feels off in characterization and how events proceed, and isn't that interesting.
As for how things were written...if being tired makes for really obvious typos, then you didn't do enough later passes after writing things down, so I would recommend some editing passes. Little problems like typos on their own don't hurt that much, but just having another look means you might think of ways things could be better, and eventually the fixing of little problems and subtle improvements add up to where the story noticibly is better.
11532243
okay thanks for your feedback. I do have a really big finale in mind. There will also probably be more murders but they will drive the plot more. I hope you keep reading.
I love it, can't wait to read the next one.❤️
11538315
Yep! It’s in the works right now! I’m glad you like it so much
Izzy's family is toxic,My poor Izzy.😞❤️
If I want Izzy marry me ❤️😭
11539686
J'aimerais qu'Izzy m'épouse. J'ai décidé de lui donner une trame de fond tragique pour cette histoire parce que je pense que je peux lui donner un bon arc de caractère tout au long du reste. bientôt un nouveau chapitre !
Edit: je voulais dire elle pas lui
cool
keep up the good work
cool
Izzy must live I have a heart attack if she dies😭❤️
11545084
Yeah. Me too.
bloody great keep up the good work
Alright then I really have to ask, when is the sequel coming out? 😭
11679176
Don't worry, with my new computer, I'll be picking this story back up. I ran out of ideas for a while but now that I've had time to think about it, I think I know where I want the story to go. :) Hold onto your pony socks! It will be a wild ride!
11679399
yes I am looking forward❤️
Hello, are you planning to release the sequel soon? I miss this story.