Friendship is Religious

by Gamerboygaming

Epilogue

Alex woke up on Friday, in the short time since he had accepted Twilight's apology, despite the fact he had protested against it momentarily, he had been doing a lot for the community such as: helping out the local school teacher, using his height to grab things that earth ponies couldn't, and starting a religion based around the idea of friendship! Whether this is a bad thing or not, no one is entirely sure; Twilight is apprehensive, but accepting of this new following, mostly due to the thanks of Celestia writing her a letter and Twilight's own personal research into the matter.

A knock came from the door to his house which nearly made Alex freeze up, but quickly calmed down once he realized the knocks were slow and deliberate. He walked over and opened the door to be face to face with the local mailmare, Derpy.

"A friendly day, Alex!" she beamed.

"A friendly day to you too, Derpy. I'm afraid I have a few things to do today, so I cant talk too much. What 'cha got for me today?"

Derpy reached into her mailbag and fished out a few letters and bills, "Since you're coming out of your house more, a few ponies have written you some thank you letters for helping them! Cheerilee especially was struggling with the foals' work and was highly appreciative of your assistance!"

Alex smiled, "She told me as much, yes, I wasn't expecting a card though. I'll have to thank her for that later. What about bills? Anything I can pay now?"

Derpy's eyes widened, "Oh, right! That's why I brought up Cheerilee in the first place! She forgot to give you money for your time, so she offered to pay for your house bills for the next month!"

Alex followed suit, "Wait, really? I was just trying to be nice, I wasn't expecting payment! Would... it be rude to say no to it?"

Derpy frowned slightly, "A bit, yes. Even if you didn't accept this form of payment, most ponies would take that as a sign that it's not enough and try to go bigger."

Alex took a glance at the clock, 9:28, "Ah, Derpy, this conversation has been fun, but I really gotta go." Derpy nodded and handed him the mail, which he placed on a table before waving goodbye to the mare, "Friends!"

"Friends!" She waved back.

----------<--->----------

Alex made it to the town hall just in time, with Princess Celestia and Twilight both waiting there for him. Celestia looked highly amused at the whole thing whilst Twilight continued to hold a worried expression. He bowed to Celestia and held a deeper bow towards Twiight, this only served to increase both of their emotions.

"It has come to my attention that you wish to create a religion revolving around my previous student, Princess Twilight Sparkle, is that correct, Alex O'Riley?" Alex nodded, "Might I ask what exactly your religion would be about so that I may understand what it is you wish to do?"

"Yes, Princess, the friendship religion will be one of love and harmony, teaching to all the good works that Goddess Twilight," Twilight flushed at this, "has done for us all in her quest for friendship."

"Goddess Twilight? Intriguing. I will admit, this is one of the better religions I have seen spring up, though, it does concern me slightly. I would like to ask a few questions before I recognize this as a religion."

It was this that made Twilight stop gawking and turn her attention towards the mare of the sun, "Wait, what?! I thought you-"

But Celestia already had a rebuttal prepared, "He has said that all he wants to do is share your lessons with the world. Is that truly so bad?"

"W-well, no, but-"

She leaned in to Twilight's ear to whisper, "You're immortal now, Twilight, this would either happen sooner or later, but I'm glad it's happening at a time I can help you through it. I do have my fair share of experience with dealing with religions based around alicorns." Celestia smiled at her while Twilight processed the statement.

The alicorn of the sun focused on Alex, for a moment, it felt as if she were judging his very soul, "Alex O'Riley, Might I ask how you want to go about teaching using Twilight's reports?" He could swear it was getting warmer.

"I... Hm... I would try to set up a central church as a center for learning about friendship. Perhaps a portion of it could be used to teach children as well." The room grew warmer.

"And how would you teach them exactly?"

Alex looked confused, "Through... talking? Active demonstrations? Like a normal school? I don't understand the question..." The temperature returned to normal and Celestia seemed to let out a relieved sigh.

"Very well. I do not see an issue with recognizing this. If you would like, and if Twilight agrees, I shall give you some of her reports to me in order for you to properly teach her lessons." Alex looked to Twilight and smiled nervously.

Twilight sighed, "I... suppose having more ponies learn about friendship isn't a bad thing."

She nodded, "Then it shall be done. I hope to see you soon, Alex." She then teleported away, back to Canterlot.

Twilight spoke up, "So... what are you going to do now?"

Alex shifted, a bit nervously, "I... suppose I should build a church. Does your library have any books I could borrow to help me along, goddess?"

Twilight cringed, "Please don't call me goddess to my face. This whole thing still makes me a bit uncomfortable."

Alex bowed, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I did not mean to offend, I'm still new to this whole thing."

"Friendship?"

"Religion."

Twilight cocked her head, "Oh? Mind telling me more?"

"I... would really rather not if that is alright with you, ma'am."

Twilight nodded sagely, "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry if it seems like I don't want to be your friend, but religion isn't something normally done in Equestria. It's odd having someone make one of you. I... would still like to be your friend if you'd let me?" Twilight gave a small smile.

Alex grinned, "I would be honored, ma'am."

Author's Note:

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clueless

Comments

[Oreng Pingvin]

yummy, or tasty?

[CrimsonS4ge]

I liked the beginning of the story, I think that it set up a lot of interesting themes and ideas, but it didn't follow through very well. It seems like a condensed down version of a much longer, more detailed fic. It doesn't seem to explain itself very well not does it have much direction.

[Gamerboygaming]

11491343
Agreed. I'm much better with ideas than execution. Though, I will see about making it a bit more consistent and possibly longer.

[CrimsonS4ge]

11491367
It's good to get your ideas out there. Most stories die an ignoble death in Google docs or Word. Your story will only get better once you expose it to criticism.

A rewrite of this story will probably be in order. A much longer story to fully realise everything you plan for it and giving each individual aspect or theme time to breathe.

The first decision you need to make is the tone of the story. Will it be serious or silly. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/497051/the-cult-of-anon is a good example of how an HiE story centered around religion can be a lot of fun and a bit silly. If you are not very confident in your ability to fully explore themes like betrayal and religious doctrine, or don't want them to be taken very seriously, then it might be a good direction.

It seems like you have taken this story in a serious direction. The friendship between him Pinkie, but not her friends. The soured and problematic history between him and Twilight. The ethical dilemma in Tirek's offer. These are all great subjects to explore and you set them up decently in your story, but you don't pay them off in any meaningful way. If you rewrite, then you should probably give them more focus and resolution.

I have a few more ideas, but this is already turning into an essay and I don't want to grandstand to you or patronise you on how to write your story. Let me know if you need any more help, advice or criticism. I'm always eager to help a fellow author.

[Gamerboygaming]

11491394

It's good to get your ideas out there. Most stories die an ignoble death in Google docs or Word. Your story will only get better once you expose it to criticism.

I could go on for ages about the stories i have in docs tbh.

A rewrite of this story will probably be in order. A much longer story to fully realize everything you plan for it and giving each individual aspect or theme time to breathe.

I would honestly love to. Almost everything here was spur of the moment. The only idea I originally had was "what if twilight saved some guy and he made a cult around friendship" and then it spiraled out of control into something that I wasn't even imagining, but was so much more interesting.

The first decision you need to make is the tone of the story. Will it be serious or silly. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/497051/the-cult-of-anon is a good example of how an HiE story centered around religion can be a lot of fun and a bit silly.

First off, thanks for the fic. It was interesting to see someone else seemingly deal with a silly story but throwing in serious stuff last minute. I could feel the tone shift and it was so much more interesting because it built up to it, something I feel like I probably should have done.

Secondly, I... intended the story to be silly. At least at the start. As I've stated previously, it booked the nearest flight to Dramaville and left me behind, rushing to to catch it before it was too late, but unfortunately, by the time I had gotten back to the story it was too late. Though, I honestly don't know which tone I'd like better.

If you are not very confident in your ability to fully explore themes like betrayal and religious doctrine, or don't want them to be taken very seriously, then it might be a good direction.

I feel I have a better understanding than most after seeing both firsthand. I'm in a Christian church, and while I do believe in God and all that, MAN do we seriously sound like a cult sometimes. It's where I got this idea originally, actually. Was going to be a satire on the ridiculousness of cults and religions, but, as you see, it didn't go well.

It seems like you have taken this story in a serious direction. The friendship between him Pinkie, but not her friends. The soured and problematic history between him and Twilight. The ethical dilemma in Tirek's offer. These are all great subjects to explore and you set them up decently in your story, but you don't pay them off in any meaningful way. If you rewrite, then you should probably give them more focus and resolution.

All of these ideas were born out of necessity for the character and honestly, I couldn't be more proud at how well they ended up fitting in. I was a bit shocked re-reading that and going "damn, i did that?" Unfortunately, I'm much better at ideas than execution, so they kind of fell off near the end.

I have a few more ideas, but this is already turning into an essay and I don't want to grandstand to you or patronise you on how to write your story. Let me know if you need any more help, advice or criticism. I'm always eager to help a fellow author.

Oh, no, this was all extremely useful advice! Thanks a lot! Helps to talk to someone about what I'm doing so I can get a better idea of what to improve or change.

[CrimsonS4ge]

11491471

First off, thanks for the fic. It was interesting to see someone else seemingly deal with a silly story but throwing in serious stuff last minute. I could feel the tone shift and it was so much more interesting because it built up to it, something I feel like I probably should have done.

Being silly doesn't preclude serious topics. It more so determines the level of suspension of disbelief about certain elements of the story. In the Cult of Anon, having deities needing to register or the fight between Chrysalis, Cadance and Anon, wouldn't make much sense if the setting of the story was to be taken deadly serious.

You have to justify a lot more in serious fics. The comparison that I like to make with the difference between silly and serious fics, is the difference between Civil and Criminal court trials. In Criminal court, you need to prove something beyond a reasonable doubt. In Civil, you only need to prove that something is more likely than not. Its the same sort of principle.

In silly fics, something only needs to be vaguely plausible and maybe justifiable. Does it make absolute sense that Twilight would join Anon's cult and behave the way that she does? Probably not, but it's realistic enough that we can overlook that for a good chuckle.

Serious fics need to have a chain of logic that flows through every decision and action. It needs to be grounded to reality. If something doesn't make sense or doesn't add up when examined critically, then it can't just be chalked up to "silly antics", it's a plot hole.

Secondly, I... intended the story to be silly. At least at the start. As I've stated previously, it booked the nearest flight to Dramaville and left me behind, rushing to to catch it before it was too late, but unfortunately, by the time I had gotten back to the story it was too late. Though, I honestly don't know which tone I'd like better.

Having a beginning and end point in mind is important, but the journey between those two points is just as important if not more so. The end is supposed to be the natural conclusion of everything in the story up to that point. If you have to unnaturally twist the story to match the conclusion, then you have neglected a very important part of story telling.

Posting this story was probably a good step to solve this issue. You have now seen what works and what doesn't, what needs more fleshing out and what needs to be cut. Now that you have translated the story from your thoughts to paper, you can refine and restructure it.

I feel I have a better understanding than most after seeing both firsthand. I'm in a Christian church, and while I do believe in God and all that, MAN do we seriously sound like a cult sometimes. It's where I got this idea originally, actually. Was going to be a satire on the ridiculousness of cults and religions, but, as you see, it didn't go well.

Having a solid understanding of what you are writing about is good. It gives you more options. You don't have to suspend disbelief in describing the steps to building an organised religion, nor how cult members interact and function with each other, nor the trials and struggles that they face. If you want to write a more earnest and grounded story, then you have necessary knowledge. It also allows a more witty and elegant parody, since you are familiar with what you are criticising and how best to criticise its more ridiculous IRL elements.

All of these ideas were born out of necessity for the character and honestly, I couldn't be more proud at how well they ended up fitting in. I was a bit shocked re-reading that and going "damn, i did that?" Unfortunately, I'm much better at ideas than execution, so they kind of fell off near the end.

Those are the elements that I was most excited to see pained off. They are interesting plot threads whether you intended them to be or not.

Oh, no, this was all extremely useful advice! Thanks a lot! Helps to talk to someone about what I'm doing so I can get a better idea of what to improve or change.

You didn't say if you wanted help or not, therfore I wasn't sure mine would be welcome. Authors can also be prideful of their work, I didn't know if ripping your work apart and instructing you on how to write it better would be appreciated.

Having someone to bounce ideas off of is a lot more important than many realise. Things that make sense in your head don't always translate well to paper.

For my story, I have 4 beta readers on a private Discord server. I bounce everything off of them and implement their input and my stories are much better for it.

If you want I could help you with any future projects. I don't have enough time to be a full-fledged beta-reader or coauthor, but I would be happy to act as a sounding board. DM me any time or if you want to ask something now, then simply reply to this comment thread.

Or we could just talk, it doesn't have to be about business.

[6-D Pegasus]

Hahaha the short description made me giggle