• Member Since 24th Apr, 2021
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Important notice: unless stated otherwise, every single cover image for every single one of my MLP fanfics is drawn/painted by me.

Comments ( 5 )

I could see Katt or Fay or Fara with being with Rarity but Krystal, I don't see it.

This is your official review for the Furry Foray Festival Contest!

I've tried to be as objective as possible, but of course there are limits. I've tried to avoid being biased or arbitrary as much as I can, and hopefully I've succeeded at least somewhat. The full, final results will be announced on May 4th, and winners will be contacted shortly afterward to ask how they would like to accept their prizes. When readings these comments, please keep in mind that I know I'm often overly critical -- to the point where I can always find nitpicks even with the greatest works of literature. So don't take anything personally!

- The mention of Krystal shedding fur is pretty hilarious.
- Gets off to a pretty slow, awkward start; beginning feels more than a bit forced. Too many things taken in stride, too many things ignored ... and it seems painfully obvious that the plot is just there to get Rarity and Krystal together.
- "I saw that you and several others here didn't usually wear clothing, so...I just sort of assumed..." she hurried over to Krystal, holding onto the tape measure harder than she needed to between her fingertips. Anthro, but with completely casual nudity just like ponies? That's an uncommon one! Kind of late in the fic to be finding out about it, though! Would have appreciated a bit of a hint earlier.
- There was a handful of other ponies near the snack table There were? Might be a bit debateable, though.
- The final sex scene cuts out quite arbitrarily and prematurely. Only a single sentence between the first penetration with a strap-on and 'scene is over now'. Cutting the climactic sex scene short so abruptly definitely hurts this story's overall score.
- The fic does a decent job of selling such an unorthodox pairing, though more so what Rarity sees in Krystal than what Krystal sees in Rarity. That's partly a function of the POV, I suppose, but I do kind of yearn for a reason why Krystal ended up with Rarity of all ponies ... other than just random luck of Rarity being the first pony she saw.

Provocativeness: 78
Progression: 75
Payoff: 25
Pacing: 40
Personality: 80
Prose: 69
Total: 367
For more information on what these scores mean, see the scoring rubric.

"- There was a handful of other ponies near the snack table There were? Might be a bit debateable, though."

Well no, it's not debatable, at all. The correct format is "was". The verb is modifying the noun "handful" which is singular. It doesn't matter if there are multiple somethings in that handful, the verb is specifically connecting to a term that is singular. You wouldn't say "There were a crate of soda bottles in the back" or "there were a 3-ring binder of tax forms sitting on the shelf" for the same reason, for example. I really hope that points weren't taken away from this story for having correct grammar.

this story need's a Sequel

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