Chapter Two
“Let’s get her to bed,” whispered Princess Celestia to Fluttershy. The two were in Rainbow Dash’s cloud castle, gently resting her in her bed. It was nighttime, and it would soon be time for Celestia to raise the sun again. Outside of Rainbow’s cloud castle hovered the pink balloon that the other four ponies sat in, watching their friend finally being returned home. Twilight Sparkle let out a sigh of relief.
“I really thought that man who watched Rainbow was going to put up more of a fight, especially after we heard about how he cared for her so much.” She whispered. She looked back at her three friends that were in the balloon. They were all clearly tired and wanted rest.
“He just wanted what was best for his little...uh...Dashie,” Applejack muttered.
“Oh...that poor man, was this really right of us? I mean, yes, she is our friend too, but that man was alone in his world without Dashie. We have each other, five of us! They had each other only!” Pinkie Pie moped.
“Well of course this is what’s best, darling. Rainbow Dash was not meant for that world, she was meant for ours,” Rarity chimed in, ever so quickly to defer any bad ideas about losing her friends.
“Ok girls, Rainbow is asleep, she should be as good as new tomorrow. I’ll swing by again to check later,” Sighed the Princess. “Fluttershy? Would you mind staying here for the night to make sure nothing bad happens?” She asked politely.
“Oh, uh...sure, I would love to spend the night with Rainbow.” Blushed Fluttershy, her voice ever so quiet.
“Twilight? I would hate to trouble you more, but I have an assignment for you. I would like you to research this phenomenon and tell me what you discover. This has never happened before and I want to know all about it.” The Princess glanced at her pupil.
“Will do, princess, you can count on me,” said a confident Twilight.
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“Oh my head...” moaned a disgruntled Rainbow Dash. She kept her eyes closed and ran her hoof up to her throbbing forehead. Reaching around herself, she searched for her bedside table. She bumped a glass of water, which she quickly drank down. She didn't even bother to open her eyes due to the sunlight, and she wrapped herself up in the blanket she had on her, and dozed back off. Fluttershy hovered in the doorway, considering waking up her pegasus friend, but she thought better of it, and let her doze off.
“I’ll just make her some breakfast, which would be nice wouldn’t it?” Fluttershy asks herself. “I think it would.” She smiled and headed on her way. About a half hour later, Rainbow Dash woke up again to the smell of cooking. At first it smelled amazing, until she opened her eyes. This wasn’t her room. Where were her posters? Where was her comfy mattress? She started to breathe really fast. Where was she? She tried to calm herself, and it was working because she thought she heard Dad coming to see her, until a flying figure was floating in the door way.
“Good morning, Rainbow Dash, how are you-” Fluttershy was cut short. Rainbow Dash had started yelling at the top of her lungs for “Dad.” “Oh, no, please Rainbow, you’re home now, what is going on? Don’t you recognize me?” By now Fluttershy had dropped the plate, and backed up into a corner, trying to shy away from Rainbow Dash.
Dash was now flying around the room as fast as her wings could carry her. Panicking, she tried to fly through the cloud walls that surrounded her, but to her surprise they were solid. She took a chance at the window, and that worked. She flew out into the sky, away from that scary place. She turned to see the large pony that was named Celestia staring her in the face.
“Ah, Rainbow Dash, I was just coming over to check on you, good to see that you’re up,” Celestia said with a royal tone. The panicked look in Rainbow’s eyes concerned her. “Are you alright?”
Rainbow just floated there for a moment, mouth gaping. Her voice caught up to her mouth, “But you were a dream! I had a dream that a bunch of the ponies from My Little Pony had come to my Dad and my house, and you were there! And so was the yellow one that had me trapped in that cloud fortress!” exclaimed Dash, pointing back towards the castle.
Celestia looked shocked, “You still remember him? The memory spell Twilight cast was supposed was to restore your true memories. This is most troubling. So, you do not recognize that sky castle?” She pointed at the castle.
Dash shook her head, still dismayed. “Where is my dad? I thought this was a dream at first! Where is he! We were supposed to go to an air show with the Blue Angels! I have always wanted to see them! WHERE...IS...HE?!” She was on the verge of tears.
“Oh dear, Rainbow Dash, come with me. We are going to see Twilight,” said Celestia in a stern voice. “I hope she has found something useful.” She thought Rainbow Dash might resist at first, but something about her presence made the pegasus fly right next to her.
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very good. only one small problem. in my opinion the chapters are too short
I have read the story My Little Dashie and thought it was simply perfect. A well-written sad story. It made me tear, indeed it did. This, however, is....really good. You have reached the same writing level as the person who made My Little Dashie. Good job to you sir, 4.5/5 stars. Do continue writing as I'll favorite this.
I'm liking this so far, hopefully this gets around more. A sequel might actually finally stop the sadness, a little. :(
This story is really good, even if the chapters are short. I look forward to seeing more chapters, tracking and faving this story.
I am really liking this so far,
I am honestly surprised that it is as good as it is
This is really good, I'm tracking and I'm a give ya five stars for now
He was going to take her to see the Blue Angels?
The BEST military and possibly best overall avation team in the world?
I are Jealous.
Well anyways, back to the manly tears.
Very nice, my only complaint is the tense, you're mixing present and past. But still, I like I like I like!
Any doubt I had in the previous chapter has been flooded(?) away, this sounds pretty damn good! Will continue!
-Glassed
my mind altered. i thought she would think her dad was a dream and i wuld be soo angries! Other way round! DIE CELesT DIE!
Um...overwrite Dash's memories that "took place at the wrong time"? That seems a bit badly worded, not to mention out of character for Celestia.
Since Dash isn't recognizing her surroundings, perhaps have Celestia say "The memory spell was supposed to restore your true memories" instead? It at least sounds like the person saying it is trying to be benevolent, which is certainly Celestia.
...Good, but it could use some spit and polish to really make it shine.
The idea behind this chapter--which you have conveyed well--is intriguing, especially when considered as a sequel to MLD. I approve.
However, the execution, to be blunt, could have been handled better. First off, there are multiple technical issues present here. I'll list a few that I noticed. (Be aware that I'm using American English conventions; if you're using some other convention, and your work satisfies those conventions, feel free to ignore my points.) WARNING: LONG EXPLANATIONS AHEAD! 
1) Occasionally you place a period at the end of a quotation and capitalize the word following the quotation, effectively splitting one sentence into two. While this is appropriate at times, you've used this incorrectly in a few places. For example, take the line:
“I really thought that man who watched Rainbow was going to put up more of a fight, especially after we heard about how he cared for her so much.” She whispered.
"She whispered" clearly refers to the immediately preceding quotation. However, the current construction of the sentence--with the period, double space, and capitalization--separates the quotation from the following phrase, turning it into two sentences: the quotation, and then "She whispered." To convert this back into a single sentence, replace the period with a comma, the double space with a single space, and the capitalized "She" with an uncapitalized "she". To see the difference this makes:
“I really thought that man who watched Rainbow was going to put up more of a fight, especially after we heard about how he cared for her so much.” She whispered.
means: FS said the quotation, then whispered something that isn't written out here.
Whereas: “I really thought that man who watched Rainbow was going to put up more of a fight, especially after we heard about how he cared for her so much,” she whispered.
means: FS whispered the quotation.
You do this a few times; just go through your quotations and their following sentences, and make sure that you really want (or don't want) a separation there.
2) Occasionally you use "non-speaking" words to follow a preceding quotation in a sentence--that, or else the sentence construction is mangled in some areas. (Sorry, I can't recall the proper term for this right now.
) For example, take these sentences:
Celestia looked shocked, “You still remember him?" (cutting the quote short here)
You use the verb "looked" here. While it's appropriate to describe Celestia's apperance, "looked" isn't a "speaking" verb. (A "speaking" verb tells the reader that a quote or speech is going to follow; examples include "said", "shouted", and "exclaimed".) You can either use a different, "speaking" verb to precede the quotation, or you can simply separate this sentence into two, as the fact that Celestia's speaking is clear from the context. Such a separation would look like:
Celestia looked shocked. “You still remember him?"
This separation allows "looked" to simply play its role in describing Celestia's appearance, and doesn't force "looked" to play a role for which it is not suited--namely, indicating that a quote will follow soon.
Just be careful with this; it's not terribly huge in this chapter.
3) You flip between past and present tense while writing. (This has been mentioned by someone else.) One moment, you're writing in the past tense (Fluttershy hovered in the doorway...); the next, you've changed to the present tense (Fluttershy asks herself.). Generally speaking, unless you have an especially good reason, this is a big no-no in story-writing. Flipping between tenses not only confuses the reader, but is often used to signal a change in the time-period in which the actions described are happening (e.g. what's going on now vs. a flashback to the past). Personally, I was thrown for a loop when you changed tense, especially when you went back-and-forth in a single paragraph. Since this all happens within the "present", and you've used present tense in the previous chapter, try to keep everything in the present tense. It may not seem like much, but it really causes the reader to stumble when reading these sections.
Moving slightly away from the technical details, there were some storytelling bits that I didn't quite agree with in your writing.
1) Sometimes you put in slightly too much detail, or mention something that isn't necessary. This is usually okay, but it can disrupt the flow of the story sometimes. Try not to put in anything extraneous or something that is obvious to a reader. For example, take this bit:
“I really thought that man who watched Rainbow was going to put up more of a fight, especially after we heard about how he cared for her so much.”
Here, my problem is with "that man who watched Rainbow". You could have simply said "that man", as readers would have been able to infer that it was the narrator of MLD. Context makes it abundantly clear; we know that the mane six + PC have met the narrator, we know that TS is currently talking about Dashie, and (most importantly) the rest of the sentence describes the caretaker of RD, which can only refer to the narrator of MLD. Thus, "who watched Rainbow" is extraneous here--and, at least for me, it interrupted the flow of the quotation slightly.
As another example, take this part: About a half hour later, Rainbow Dash wakes up again to the smell of cooking.
Here, the sudden mention of time ("about a half hour later") is what throws me. Suddenly, because you gave a specific time, I began to wonder whether "about a half hour" was going to be important. Later, when I finished the chapter, I was still wondering whether "a half hour" would be important--not good. Remember the principle of Chekov's Gun: if you specifically mention some detail, be sure to use it later on, or else suffer the wrath of confused readers. Here, you could have just said "soon enough" or something similar, because the exact time didn't matter.
To be fair, this is mainly a matter of taste; just make sure that these things don't interrupt your story's flow.
3) Since banjo2E mentioned this earlier, I'll be brief on this point: Sometimes your choice of wording is poor, and it occasionally leads to OOC moments for the cast. In addition, check your punctuation within quotations; sometimes you use an exclamation mark when the sentence is a question.
Sorry for all the nitpicking; don't be discouraged! These are all small points that can be fixed quickly--however, they are points which can cause a reader to stumble while going over your work. Just take a bit of time to go back over the chapter, reading through it bit by bit, and fixing these small grammar/style errors. Like I said earlier, the idea behind this is excellent; your story just needs an additional bit of spit and polish to really make ZE MAGICS happen.
tl;dr: Good idea, but it could use some extra work to make it shine.
reading more of this.
87650
The chapter are actually about as long as they were in My Little Dashie.
Ah, this is what I was waiting for! A sequel that had more than one chapter. Thank you, good person/brony.
This is good so far. I was skeptical as to if a sequel to my MLD would work, but so far I am pleased with this. Maybe this will give me the closure I need.
Compared to everybody else's continued MLD story, yours is so far, the best. I mean THE BEST out of them.
Wait, wait. I am so confused right now. Why are there ponies from the previous generations here? Or are there just their names being used? Or is it planned, like Dashie is in another parallel universe? Or have I missed something in the original story, and it is actually about Dash from the old series (then shame on me)? Nevertheless, it is interesting to read, but i am very confused.
OK I have to admit something that I didn't expect to happen, I almost cried around Chapter 2..
All of my stars...
ALL OF THEM
Hey i just thought of something. When their trying to erase Rainbow Dash's memory's and replace them with their Rainbow's memory's their actually trying to kill this Rainbow and replace them with the Rainbow THEY want and in my opinion thats just... wrong killing someone and not just killing but erasing who and what they are thats just... monstrous
1917997 wow now that you think about it you're actually right. Like you would think they would give her, her memories back but she could also remember the ones from Earth. At least that's what I would think.
Besides a few MINOR grimmer mistakes this story is AWESOME
2574764 You shouldn't talk about what you typoed "grimmer"
1917997
I know for a fact that a lot of famous paintings have mistakes that weren't met to be there, but turned out great. Rainbow Dash here is like one of those.
Rarity, YOU GREEDY MONSTER!!!
3690641 you'll never see me shed a single tear down my...left eye?I can't remember,It's a cry baby reference if you didn't know.
3854348 I have to agree, kind of. The guy was going to be alone once Rainbow Dash left. Plus with how this is going, I'm beginning to think she has no memories of Equestria at all, meaning they can't be restored. I wouldn't call rarity greedy though, because Rainbow Dash would never have been completely accepted by the population of Earth.
This is getting damn close to making me cry!
You know I'm liking this story besides the fact that there are one or two errors. My only problem is that the memory spell is suppose to restore her Ponyville memories and let Thisher keep her memories from earth, but Twilight, the rest of the Mare 6 and Princess Celestia keep trying to erase her earth memories.
look
you clear the mind
and THEN give back the other memories
if you do it the other way around you just remove the memories you just put back
3854348 I was thinking the same thing!
chapter 2 already crying
*sighs*
Bitchlestia- I mean Trollestia- I mean Celestia be trollin' like a fuckin' bitch yet again...
I would have thought that she did recover her memory but that she felt more dull, that is to say that she does not remember her father but she is depressed because she feels that something is missing.