First attempt at a "Second Person" romance story! (Starring You and Rainbow Dash)

You thought living in the big city had everything a pony could ask for. But it wasn't to you. All you got was; cramped apartments, traffic, trash everywhere, and bird poop. Bird poop everywhere. But luckily for you, fortune shined upon you, as your foalhood friend Twilight Sparkle opens her house for you to live in. So you did what any pony with self-respect would do: Pack up and move. You've heard about ponies who move there to relax, so you say "So long Manehattan!" and begin your way to Ponyville.

Author's Note:

Constructive criticism is always appreciated here! Also, I do apologize if the story is a little shaky at first, I'm coming off a huge writer's block.