It was rainy that night at the gig. Something seemed to brighten it up, not the cold mist of beer or the whispering audience. But a mare. One particular mare. One beautiful mare that seemed to bring the music to life.
Chapters (3)
Kapwnage
Joined 20th Oct, 2011 ·
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Hey, I play the trumpet in a jazz band,
.
Nice fic btw, but there are a few things you can fix. Your punctuation seems to slip a bit, commas arn't where they should be, speech sounds rushed and OOC.
I like the premise, and for that you earned a track, but try and punctuate a bit more. If you want, you can always send your chapters over to me, and I'll point out any errors I see.
Have fun, and don't stop writing!
137449 I actually had no prereader for this, because I was to excited to get it going. It's written in kind of a 1940's/dramatic/jazzy tone. Think of it being poetic while still telling a story in paragraphs.
Nice story, but I'm a bit curious. Does this take place in an Equestria, or our world?
141855 It's more ore less in Manehatten. It's kinda a modern MLP style. Like if humans we're ponies instead
141872That's interesting. If it takes place in the forties, then you should at least mention some important events that were happening around that time. Like, you could have the characters mention a pony version of the Nazis. Just a suggestion.
141888 It's just a short story, I don't need major details.
Only one or two more chapters to go.
141907I mean like a small nod. Have one of 'em read it in a newspaper or something.
Oh, and you have a nice taste in jazz.
I normally don't listen to that kind of music, but what you had picked out was pretty good.
141973 Thanks
I'm in jazz band for myself, actually :P I know my way around those songs.
142174Really? Awesome.
Swag? really? that's his name
gawd I hate that word
anyways nice story lul, though I think it needed more spiderman clop
Hmmm... that was a short story, but satisfying none the less!
It's nice that you wrote this for your love of jazz! (He's one of my favorite transformers!) Joking, I know this was about the genre. (Gotta agree with Gypsy though, needs more spiderman shipping.)
145200>>145029 Just wait.... Rainbow Dash is holding it in enough...
