sissygriff
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Fun read, I wonder if Smolder will rope her other friends to work there, keep it up.
Wasn't this already out? Or am I not paying attention 😵💫.
11356619
No This just release today
Not sure why many downvotes I think this is good enough... But however.... we might need more chapters to judge this. (I do love maid roleplaying and story makes it worth while. I wonder where this will go.)
11356736
I am guessing it has something to do with how people don’t like fetish content.
11356832
Nah, just jerky trolls kink shaming fetish writers on certain they don't like by review bombing, you see them on anything that relates to LGBTQ+ in any way. They just like kicking people down
11356736
Just jerk troll kicking down any kinks they don't like or anything related to LGBTQ+ representation as soon as they are publish, they are trying to discourage and licence their voices here and to chase them off the site.
Good concept, but you could do with a proofreader to go over grammar and punctuation. More than a few spots that need correction.
Interesting, I kinda did get use to seeing smolder in the 8th season of my little pony, but now they just show 4 seasons on Netflix, but it’ll do, and enjoying the story!
A good story so far I found some spelling errors and wording mistakes.
and Hand me the key.
Take Picked up. Took or Picked up. Either is fine.
See
Still Great start keep it up.
11357703
Oh thanks for the tips
Oh didn't noticed that up date sorry, I wonder who is this second yak that will wear the maid uniform.
Fun chapter keep it up.
11430954
thanks 👍
The quality of the writing has improved a lot, still a few repetitive parts, but I am getting a much better sense of how the characters are feeling and it still flow mostly well. I could point out that Smolders motive to suddenly wanting to put on the bondage gear is somewhat coming from left field, I can get that there is some hypnosis mind control or some subliminal messages are at work here, but there aren't any hints that something is altering or intruding her thoughts to give the urge, sexual or otherwise, to want to sleep that sort of uncomfortable bondage gear and how her wind is being twisted in perceiving it as normal(despite that it isn't) to her and see how she reason herself into it ignoring it and normalize it. Could help to have a few hints that the owner is behind everything. I would wonder what are the methods the mistress used to ensnare new servants into those kinky stuff.
11447839
to be honest I was just pulling stuff out of my head but I like your idea I might just use them, thanks a lot
11447890
Great, I like pulling ideas right out of my ass too a lot, but I like it even more if I can add a sort of twisted logic to the madness on the dom's to hint to a end goal for their ultimate satisfaction. It all helps to add some depth to the reading then just one thing happen followed by another without a clear purpose to it other then indulging in the kink up front.
11447900
took your idea about the whole subliminal messages thing and I can hopefully make it work out
11448563
Nice, I think the extra editions are a good improvement in adding context to what is going on to Smolder's mind being subtly nudged into a certain way of thinking and seeing her though process in the moment. What is really missing that in the chapter, I think it could also have been also added how Smolder was feeling and think from the revelation that she was monitored by her mistresses, revealing her voillarisim and having the fear of having all her shameful, humiliating activities exposed and used as blackmail on her, as well as establishing a unhealthy power dynamic between the two for this point on ward. I do like that Smolder realizes some of the weird stuff that is happening, but at some point loses the connections as to why she was distrot at first and get distorted shows well how her reasoning systematically being funneled into specific directions to frame her mind. Now at this point it seems like this is going into a downward spiral of Smolder mind being turned inside out into her mistresse's play thing, twisting her into willing obedient doll in lock step, and eagerly waiting for help her into more recruitment. I hope you keep on exploring the transition of her thought process, I hope it spreads to the rest of the student six, especially Sandbar and Gallus.
For the writing structure you still tend to over use Smolder name to designate her even starting the sentence with her name one sentence. I would suggest that you used alternate terms to refer to her like 'the dragoness', 'the maid', 'the pampered domestic'. Also just to point out your sentences structure tend to be somewhat similar from one to the next making the writing feel dull for example starting each sentence with a 'he' or 'her' or Smolder's name. What I would suggest is that you add more I don't know the English term for it, 'complement of the sentence', meaning that you add something to add more context or detail to the sentence, like 'then', 'afterward', 'later on', 'soon after', 'after mopping all the floors' to give more of a time flow or you can even go with what she was thinking or plaining like 'after some reflection', 'wanting to make sure she did a thorough job' and so far, just to name a few example. I hope it helps a little.
Keep it up.
Sorry for the delay in responded I was rather busy. Interesting chapter looks like Smolder can't help herself but to follow her mistress' orders weather she is compelled to do it against her will or that it's so conditioned that she doesn't realize that it's against her own interest and just doesn't get the drive to resist, or it makes it feel normal to her(like a daily routine. I noticed that the mistress is never described, it could be slip on the author, OR it could be that what ever brainwashing she does to her staff make it soo) that they can't remember how she looks like, to protect herself from some legal liability or it helps to add as aura of mystic to her presences and adding to her aura of reverence. For Ocellus knowledge on hypnosis, and seemingly okay with it and using it on Silverstream, it could be from her training from the old corrupt changeling training she had when Chrysalis was in charge, and were used all the time to control ponies mind to suck out their love. Looking forward to seeing more of this.
11452064
for Miss Rina look I did make a little expedition in the second chapter and for Ocellus she's just a little freak and used a bit of hypnosis on Silverstream so she could get the thoughts to actually do her schoolwork
Is the story going to continue?
11667692
it will just been going through some stuff irl
More of this, please.
When would the next chapter come out?
11865493
Soon maybe. Haven't been doing this mainly because of a new job i got. But I will start working on it again.