Just a regular guy who likes to read good stuff, do crazy stuff, think about stuff, and lots of other stuff.
A soldier appears suddenly in Canterlot. Luna invites him to walk with her in the night on a beaten path and discuss matters in Equestria and Earth. This doesn't contain much plot, but instead some ideas that I want to share with everyone else. First fic! So please help yourselves and give criticism.
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Well its.... meh. It would have been better if you wrote about the human coming to equestria instead of starting later. But this is your first, and I love these types of stories so please continue!
Also I liked :)
Well, I must say. Well written.
Few tips:
-Seeing as how most of the story was written in italics, yet the dialogue was in regular font, I figured that it was written like that. While it's fine and all, you would probably do better to switch the two around.
-Some grammar errors, yet easily fixable with some editing.
-Instead of putting a period at the end of a Dialogue sentence (ex: She ate the apple.) add a comma, unless it was originally part of another sentence.
Well written for a first timer, and with a little practice and an editor, you can have a tip top shape story in no time. If you don't have an editor (most of us don't) I suggest you visit a group like Freezecast Reviewers. They always give editing help to newcomers to the site.
Besides that, looking good! I'll have to watch where this goes, so have my favorite and like!
It's not bad. But there are a couple of problems.
First, the fact that the human has his rifle with him is a really big plot hole for me. You say "trust didn't come easy for the human." Well, I seriously doubt the ponies trust him either, at least not completely. And given that, unless the castle Royal Guard is unbelievably incompetent, I just don't see them letting him walk with one of the princesses alone and armed to the teeth like that. There's no way they'd let him near her with weapons, or even anything they suspected might be a weapon.
That plot problem aside, the other major problem is the head-hopping. You switch between Princess Luna's viewpoint and the human's viewpoint way too often. That's fairly distracting to readers. Generally, it's best to stick to one viewpoint unless there's a scene change.
Those are the two main issues I see right now with the story.
Excellent. I enjoyed this little piece of nothing.
Moar? Maybe?
I'll keep my eye on this.
interesting... there where plot holes but it was not about the plot really. i would like to she more of lunas opinion though but its just shows the corruption of the world and i like that so 2 out of 5
and u got 
ps: the scale is
Hmmmm, mixed feelings about this one, it brings up some good points and the simplicity adds to send the points home. I have two criticisms, the first would be grammar, not really a big deal since it didn't detract from the story. But the second is very personal to me, the mindset of the soldier is close but not quite there, good try though.
1317227Oh dear, I hope I didn't offend you. I guess my powers of imagination wasn't up to scratch :/
1317929 Not in the least, as they say MLP is all about love and tolerance. The story has potential, keep it up and it will get better.
Quite the interesting concept you are working on... I like it so far, aside from a few grammatical errors it is good. Human from the post shit hit the fan era ( sadly, the inevitable future of our world), and princess Luna who carries the weight of her sins as Nightmare Moon firmly upon her shoulders. I'm looking forward to our next conversation Human...
One of the best I've read! Keep up the good work, man!
mmmm
mmmm
Sorry Luna, but I got to say that you need to lay off the cookies.
I like it so far. I wonder where your going to take this. There's so many ways this story can go and I love that. Please keep writing, I think you can get a great full story out of this idea of yours.