This will be a collection of stories focusing on The Doctor and Pinkie pie venturing through time and space in a police box.
(Was going to publish them as separate stories, but will keep them within one for simplicities sake.)
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 14th Aug, 2015
- offline last seen April 22nd
Bronytype
I first joined the fandom in early 2014, after watching a video called bronies react to season 3 finale, I am a huge fan of gravity falls, anime, and doctor who.
Bronytype
Joined 14th Aug, 2015 ·
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Haven't finished reading the chapter yet but it's not bad, through I would I might point out that a 20K first chapter might be very intimidating for first readers and thou might have been better to divide it in three or four parts. I think you have the good basis of a story, the intro was actually pretty good, but after that, the reading started to feel a bit bland especially considering with Pinkie who you seem to try to get her good acting but doesn't convey her energetic personality very well. Aside for Wheels, you seem to have skip doing any exposition personality on who are Pinkie, Twilight, Spike Celestia, and their relation to one another, which give off an unclear image of what sort of characters they are and assume that the readers know who they which obviously yes, but they don't know how YOU want to present them to the readers in your story. The best writing I have seen of the Mane 6 characters are those that the writers keep the mind set that the readers know who they are at all and take care to give them a proper exposition as if they are a OC; like you did for Wheels. What you seem to miss the idea that the narrator has to reflect what the character he is thinking and feeling, which is a shame because you see to do a good job with wheels up to when he encounters the snake which at that point the narration doesn't convey the fear and panic he must be feeling having his body taken over like that. You seem to know when to add context, like that Twilight and Spike know what are humans but it's presented in a clunky manner. Best of look dude I will comment on it more later when I am done reader the chapter.
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Thank you. Looking back, I can see what you mean with needing to explain character relationships better. I will take this into account while writing the next episode.
With Pinkie, it's trying to get across her energy without her coming off as completely juvenile. I would appreciate tips on how to accomplish this.
In regards to clunky exposition, would you have any tips for delivering it in a better way.
Thank you for taking the time to give feedback. It really helps.