This story is a sequel to Reflections of a Unicorn
You do not need to have read Reflections of a Unicorn to understand this story. It is a sequel in the Reflections of a series, not in plot/storyline.
In her panic Zipp had accidently dropped the pegasus crystal, and it had now just dawned on her. Surrounded by non-pegasi ponies and on the outskirts of Zephyr Heights, Zipp was at a lost. That was until her sister Pipp showed up with it.
From there things started going the group's way, but how exactly did Pipp manage to get the crystal, evade capture, escape the castle, and end up finding the rest of the Mane 5? And why is she so upset with Zipp?
On the surface it may look like it was just because her show was ruined, but if you look a little deeper you may find out more. Like why Pipp is the way she is and why Zipp leaving her hurt more than anypony could ever know.
This story has some polish issues, but there's some really good writing here, too. The description of Pipp's escape in particular is strong. It creates a lot of tension and carries it well, holding the reader's interest throughout, and Pipp's survival by her wits feels earned.
Some of the flashbacks/flashforwards feel out of proper order, which hurts the overall flow, and Pipp's motivation, while valid, doesn't quite seem to fit with her on-screen character as the outgoing, popular megastar. If for example she was popular at school, but only insofar as she was the Queen's daughter and Zipp's sister, that alone could be a strong reason for insecurity. (Just look at what happened to Princess Luna in similar circumstances!) Plus an overall edit pass would help.
But overall, I liked where you were going with this. Nice work!
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Thank you so much for your feedback I really appreciate it! I'm glad you enjoyed the escape sequence, I was really trying to build tension and hold the reader's interest with it and I'm glad that you feel I succeeded in that. The whole flashes back and forward thing was a bit difficult to really format no matter what way I put it, so I just tried to put it in the best way I could. But, I'll keep in mind what you said for future stories. I never thought to do Pipp's popularity at school in the way you suggested, but now I wish I did. I really like your suggestion and for future stories I'll try to think more on all possibilities when it comes to the way I get one character to the certain point I want them at. I'm really glad you liked the writing and got what I was going for, thank you for taking time out your day to read and comment on my story!
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!