Banana Bread Secret

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Comments ( 5 )

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Mix-up

Mix-up #1 · Feb 4th, 2022 · 3 · 1 ·

nice

Indigo Tornado

Indigo Tornado #2 · Feb 4th, 2022 · 3 · 4 ·

Very cute story, doesn't deserve the dislikes. Hey trolls, if you dont like it, dont read it

KvAT

KvAT #3 · Feb 4th, 2022 · 3 · 1 ·

11141834
This comment made me throw all caution out of the window and read it. It's... well... let's just say the "fetish" tag is there for a reason. Jokes aside, there's nothing immediately offensive about the writing. It's a bit amateurish but definitely has its charms, and it looks like it's spellchecked prety well (using Google Docs, mayhaps, but hey, you take what you can get).

I think most of the dislikes came from this part of the first paragraph:

She pulled a moody Gomamon off the couch with a pink aura enveloping her horn. I was dragged away by my claws and almost tripped over my own two feet as I was forced to follow behind the rear of a fluffy white diaper.

First sentence sets up the story with a 3rd person narration, then it immediately switches to 1st person narration, which is then used throughout the entire thing. This is incredibly confusing, and for a single chapter story? it's catastrophic. First paragraph matters the most for setting up the tone and narration for the entire chapter to come, and this made any potential readers got extremely confused. Now, I'm sorry if I came out as a bit rant-y and aggresive, but it's such a big bump in the starting line that it (might've) crashed the whole thing apart. I'd suggest reworking that first sentence into something immediately identifiable as a 1st person narrative.

Badguy400