The Anti-Friendship Lesson

by Ezekiel Namuh

Health Breaks

Author's Note:

I am alive. Is nice.

Hey, anyone else miss the first person style, or is it stupid to return to it after all this time?

BEEP

...

BEEP

... 'What did I do last night?'

BEEP

... 'Okay, what the heck is that?'

Ty slowly opened his eyes, because he currently felt as if opening them any faster would give him a big ol' case of extremely annoying migraine.

White tile lined the roof he stared up at. The room he was in was sterile smelling, which meant two options. He was either in the kitchen of a cannibal, or he was held up in a hospital.

BEEP

The harsh noise made him wince, closing his eyes again.

"Ugh... Stupid alarm clock..." Ty muttered wearily, before slowly sticking his arm out to hit the top of the clock he thought to be there in his state.

"Mmmf, ooouuld you pweeze get your hhhf out ff my mmmf?"

"AH!" Ty shouted, yanking his hoof back to him and accidentally hitting himself in the eye. "OW, FRICK!"

"Are you feeling okay, ma'am?" The mare to the side of Ty asked as he tried to rub the pain out of his head.

"The heck does it look like to you?" He grumbled before shuffling around a bit.

"My bum hurts."

"Yes, that's to be expected," the mare said as Ty slowly reopened his eyes, glancing to the side to see who was talking to him. A white-coated mare with a pinkish mane and an old-fashioned nurse hat on her head. He could also see a good amount of the rest of the room he was in. Essentially every surface was painted white, excluding a couple posters, diagrams the frame around the room's only door, the clock over it with writing Ty couldn't understand, and a desk by the bed he was in, which held some kinda' glowing red crystal. That's definitely not important. "You had quite a nasty fall there. Mind telling me how that happened?" She asked, jotting things down on a clipboard with a pencil in her mouth.

"My friend dropped me out of the sky."

"Uh-huh, sure," she muttered, writing down something that seemed much longer than what he said. If you could hear somepony write words, Ty was certain he would've heard 'delusional' somewhere in there. "Alright, we'll get you a concussion test in just a minute."

BEEP

"Hey, uh listen." Ty leaned forward, before grimacing and shifting back to staring up at the ceiling. He glanced over at her and said, "Nurse Redheart, isn't it?"

The mare squinted at him. "Excuse me, are you from around here?"

"Not really, you're just the only nurse I can remember the name of. I think there's a Dr. Horse or something like that, but that might just be me coming up with stupid names."

Nurse Redheart just looked at him incredulously. "Okay, I'll be sure to mention that to Doctor Hoarse when he comes to see you."

"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk about," Ty muttered before trying to sit up again, only succeeding with leaning toward her awkwardly. "Do I really need to do all this?"

Redheart shot him another look. "If you're going to get better, you'll stay in bed. I'm going to have to ask you a few questions, if you feel comfortable yet."

A frown appeared on his face at that last sentence. "Fine. I don't care."

BEEP

"Have you been sleeping well lately?"

'You know, I expected something more like, 'What insurance do you have,'' Ty thought. "Now that I think of it, I don't think I've slept at all since I got here, aside from... maybe ten minutes?"

Redheart scribbled some more words down. "Okay, then. Have you experienced any other major injuries recently?"

Ty tried to lift a hoof up to his chin, but he was still too stiff to do it very fast. "I think I've been knocked unconscious five or six times in the last couple nights or so. And, honestly, I may have brain damage," he muttered before looking out the window to see the sun was slowly going down, as opposed to the night sky that he'd seen right before Amelia dropped him.

More scribbling. Ty flexed his hooves a bit, finally getting them to move somewhat responsively. "Okay then, miss..?"

"Ty."

Redheart looked at her clipboard, then at Ty's cutie mark, then back to the clipboard. "O... kay? First name?"

Ty grimaced. "You were asking for my last name the first time?"

The nurse grumbled as she turned the pencil around to erase something. "Yes, I was. Sorry for not making that clear."

"Alright, it's Ty Smith. It's the most generic thing I could think of, I know. But I prefer it over my actual legal name," Ty answered, before mumbling, "Stupid hospital misspelled 'Smith' as 'Smath.' How the flip does that even happen?"

Nurse Redheart chuckled. "Don't feel bad Miss Smath. My name isn't acually Nurse Readheart, either."

Ty glanced over at her. "Wait, really?"

She smiled at him. "Yep. My name's actually Doctor Redheart, but I never grad-" She stopped to cough. "I never liked it, and I didn't want to be a doctor anyway."

"So you became a nurse?" He asked. Readheart nodded in response.

"M-hm," she answered before looking up at the clock. "Well, that's my shift done." Readheart threw the clipboard over her shoulder, before she turned and walked out the door. "Bye."

"What you're just leaving me here?"

"Yes."

Ty started to sit up and complain, but Nurse Redheart put her head back through the doorway and beat him to it.

"Oh, and the one who got the hospital to help you will be here to see you in a minute."

"Oh really?" Ty muttered. "And who might that be?"

...

"Hello? Nurse Redheart?"

BEEP

---

Earlier... Like last chapter levels of earlier.

"...I don't care anymore."

The portal snapped shut, leaving behind five confused elements, one flabbergasted Princess of Friendship, one relatively angry solar alicorn, and Princess Luna. Come on, one of you jumped at that name.

Let's focus on the bookworm, shall we?

"I... I don't get it!" she shouted, spinning around to meet the gazes of each of her friends. "How does this mare-"

"Stallion," Rarity corrected.

"WHATEVER!" Twilight shouted back. "How does this *pony* keep doing these things? They just run around, run away, and then run me up the walls!" She ducked down, holding her forehooves over her head and whispering to herself. "I feel like my brain has been swapped with Pinkie's."

"Twilight, I think-"

"Or maybe this isn't a pony at all!" Twilight realized, also interrupting whoever was trying to talk to her. "But then what is it? Some kind of alien?"

"Now Twilight, you really need to-"

"No, that doesn't make any sense!" Twilight cut in again. "Maybe he's hiding something about his past!"

"Ah literally told ya that a few minutes ago!"

"She is right Twilight, now if you would just-"

"Oh, I've got it now!"

"Twilight."

"Ty is actually just Discord in disguise, and he's doing all this to teach us a-"

"Twilight!"

Celestia looked forward at Twilight, who was only now starting to pay attention to her surroundings with wide eyes and shrunken pupils. "Twilight, please, listen." Celestia put on the most calming face she could. "I would like you and your friends to do something for me. So if you would follow me outside, please."

---

Shortly afterwards, at the front door...

"AAAAHHHHH!"

SLAM

---

"Sister, was it really necessary to magically punt the elements of harmony across the royal lawn?" Luna asked as the sisters took a stroll throughout the castle, heading towards the kitchen.

Celestia raised a forehoof defensively before pushing open the door. Celestia waved the kitchen staff out so the princesses could be alone. "It was all in their own interests, they need to... know how to..."

Luna gave her sister a disapproving glare.

"Ugh, who am I kidding. I just needed to blow off some steam." Celestia shook her head, pouring herself a cup of tea. "I don't know what I'm going to do with those mares. I know they all mean well, and I'm certain they're good ponies at heart. When you've worked with them for as long as I have, you'll get to know each and every one of them very well."

Luna folded her front hooves over each other. "What was the yellow one's name?" she asked.

"... Don't try to change the subject on me."

---

Later, at the train station...

"It'll take how long!?"

Aside from Rainbow, the rest of the elements were waiting for the ticket... pony... guy... to explain why they would have to wait until tomorrow to get on a train to a backwater town in the middle of nowhere. Rainbow hadn't screamed this loud since a few minutes ago, with that stunt that would've made DJ Jazzy Jeff proud.

"I'm very sorry ma'am, but this is always our biggest week of the year," the brown unicorn stallion attempted to explain to the mare who was currently 2 inches away from him.

"It's the middle of November! Literally nothing is happening right now!" Rainbow complained.

The stallion wiped sweat off his forehead, right under his bright yellow mane. "It's because we always have a big sale for my boss' birthday!" he nervously stuttered, pointing to a large sign that [In majestic pony language] read:

BOGOF

Buy-One-Get-One-Full-Price

"I have another suggestion, if you'd be willing to listen," he muttered. "Here at Berg Trains, we cover all terrain possible. But our sister company, Hindrance Zeppelins, covers terrain we can't. They're right next door! They'll get you there by tomorrow morning!"

"We'll take your advice, thanks." Rarity told him, finally walking up to the counter. "Let's go then, everypony."

The elements all mumbled some manner of manner of acknowledgement, except Twilight who was still refusing to accept she was thrown out of Canterlot Castle, and Rainbow Dash, who threw a paper airplane at the salespony.

---

"I wonder why this place is called Hindrance Zeppelins," Fluttershy wondered aloud. The mares had paid for their tickets/put it on the pretty princess tab and made it into the zeppelin, most of them choosing to sit by a few windows on it's side. Not many ponies had shown up, partially due to the stigma relatively new technology had, especially when it came to transportation, food, or computer entertainment.

"Cause the guy who made it is named Hindrance?" Applejack guessed, looking at one of the plaques on the beige wall of the now rising zeppelin. "Apparently this is the first vessel this company ever owned, named after the founder of this company and his sister."

"So THAT'S why it's called the Hindrance-Berg!" Pinkie realized, looking out the window.

"Or maybe it's called that because there are always problems with it," Rainbow Dash grumbled. "We're gonna get there by tomorrow night instead of in the morning, all delayed because of some stupid birds in the way. Do they not know how to go around things?"

"I can't even see the ground from here," Fluttershy muttered once the vessel had stopped rising and continued moving over several lakes. It passed over large amount of mountains and tiny towns nopony cared about, because the only small town that will ever amount to anything here is Ponyville.

"This is way higher than most pegasi ever go," Rainbow added.

Soon enough most of the ponies had gone to sleep. Except for Twilight, because she was not only angry she couldn't stay at Canterlot Castle overnight and read, but also because she had to stop Pinkie from cranking open a window 30,000 feet in the air.

---

Morning came, and the staff served their six passengers a rather large breakfast during a pit stop. It was cheap, too. However, all bread was absent from it as one of the chefs' hooves were tired from kneading dough, that he put it out the window as they descended so the wind would stretch it for him.

That dough went from six feet in diameter to 80 feet long in roughly two seconds. So that chef was promptly tossed out of the zeppelin.

Nothing else happened on the way to Ponyville, and just as the sun was starting to set, the captain walked through the door into the economy section where the elements were all still waiting.

"Okay you six, we're almost to Manehattan."

"Wait, Manehattan?" Rarity questioned. "But we're going to Ponyville, that's too far."

"Oh," the captain muttered, rubbing a hoof across his black mustache. "Well everypony in first class is on their way to Manehattan." He answered, pushing the door he came through over. In the other room was a single orange unicorn with a firey yellow mane. The stallion wore a bright red suit, and was currently throwing bits around like confetti. The captain closed the door. "Our boss is very proud of his company."

None of the ponies in economy knew exactly how to respond to the sight, but Rarity tried anyway. "Okay... well what about us then?"

The captain smiled. "Well, Ponyville is just underneath us right now, so you should be good to go," he told them, before rummaging around in a compartment and pulling stuff around.

"I'll have to thank you for givin' us a ride, cap," Applejack said as the captain threw several bags over his shoulder. "But I gotta ask, what's with the saddlebags?"

The captain's smile got much wider as he grabbed the fourth saddlebag in the storage compartment, throwing it at Applejack's hooves.

"Yer j-joking," she stuttered, looking up at him in shock.

The captain chuckled. "Yeah, I am," he said as he started putting the bags away. "I love that trick. Anyway, we'll be down shortly. Thanks for flying with us."

---

BEEP

It had been 10 minutes of Ty just lying there, and he still couldn't see where that dang beeping was coming from. Part of him wanted to make a run for it, but at the same time he didn't really care. (If you had been doing all this running, you might've wanted to just lay down for a while, too. Or not, I don't know.)

As far as he could tell, there was no noise in the building at all other than those beeps, so there might not have even been anypony there. Most of his own time was spent just moving that crystal around with both his magic and his hooves, though the first few times he'd attempted to use his magic had completely sputtered out.

"Ah, screw it," Ty muttered to himself. Pressing his forehooves against the hospital bed, he tried to heave himself up and off of it. Everything was still a bit stiff, but he was feeling way better than when he first woke up. 'They must've been using healing magic on me, or something like that. There's no way I'm feeling as better as I do from just laying there.

All four of his hooves hit the ground with a soft thud. He honestly felt more natural on just his hindlegs after doing it a few times, but he didn't want to startle anypony on his way out of town. 'First order of business is getting somewhere to hide, lest I be tossed in a padded cell. Then I have gotta make sure Amelia doesn't get thrown in a dungeon, and then I've got the elements to avoid, and my headache is back!'

"Ow... OW!" The moment Ty got within a few inches of the door, all the pain he felt when he first woke up returned in an instant. His forelegs gave out from under him and he rolled out the doorway, slamming into the wall.

"Um... you feeling better yet?" A fuzzy voice asked. Ty tilted his head to the right to find the one talking to him, but all he saw was a blurry purple shape.

"TWI-"

BONK

Ty jumped back in his assumption of who had walked up to him, hitting his head on the wall in the process. He looked up at the pony slowly going further out of focus in front of him, as well as the second one walking up to the other one. He just barely made out the words, "Ty, is it? You have a visitor."

BEEP

A pair of hooves wrapped around Ty's torso and pulled him back into the room he was in previously. The moment he got through the doorway, Ty felt his vision begin to return and the stiffness in his limbs slowly fade. The second pony, who Ty could now tell was medical staff, lifted him up onto the bed.

Laying on his side, Ty glanced back at the yellow stallion staring back at him, with his brown mane nearly covering part of his eyes. "Now stay in bed, you saw what happened when you don't. I'll be back to pick him up in about ten minutes."

"Pick who up?" he asked, glancing around. "There's nopony here."

"Technically correct," Ty heard, before seeing a purple hoof shoot above the edge of the bed. 'Wait, not a hoof. A hand? Claw? Talon? Oh, this was obvious a long time ago, now I feel kinda' stupid.'

"Oh, hi Spike," he said, watching the claw grab the sheet and hoist the young dragon up, before he sat down by Ty's midsection.

"Uh... Hey," Spike muttered. "So, are you the..."

"Everfree pony?" Ty guessed. Spike nodded. "Yep."

"Oh. Okay..." Spike trailed off, rubbing his shoulder.

"Are you the one who got me here?"

"Huh?" Spike asked, eyes widening slightly. "Oh, uh... Yeah, that was me."

"Well thank you," Ty grumbled before rolling over.

BEEP

... "How old are you?"

Ty flipped around again. "... Why?"

"Just asking," he shrugged.

Tilting his head slightly, Ty responded. "... I'm 15."

Spike grinned at that. Suddenly gaining some bravado in his voice, he added, "Well I'm 16!"

Ty just stared back at him, before leaning back and relaxing a bit. "Okay, what grade are you in?"

BEEP

He looked back quizzically. "What do you mean? I finished school ages ago."

Ty slapped a hoof against his forehead. "Okay, then why are you here?"

Spike backed up a bit. "I, uh, just wanted to-"

"See what the Everfree pony is really like? See if I was okay? Well thanks for your concern, but I'm holding my own in here, and I need out so I can make sure..."

The look on Ty's face as he trailed off was something Spike took immediate notice of. Something between frustration and... fear? "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I..." Ty muttered before trailing off again. "I'm fine."

"You know, you can talk about it if you want. Healing magic only affects your body, not your mind," Spike said, grabbing the crystal from the desk and putting it in Ty's hoof, forcing it down a little less harshly than he expected.

"What?" Ty muttered, before hitting himself in the forehead again and smiling slightly. "Oh, yeah. I figured that's why I felt better so fast after getting dropped out of the sky."

"Speaking of which, how exactly did that happen?" Spike asked.

BEEP

He grimaced slightly. "Well... I had a bit of an... altercation, with your friends. And I have... I really shouldn't tell you this."

"Don't worry, I'm great at keeping secrets!" Spike said, jumping slightly.

Ty paused, before sighing. "You're lucky you're one of the more reasonable guys I've met. You see... a few ponies seem to think that I'm actually a changeling." Ty noticed Spike jump a bit at that. "No! No, I'm not a changeling, they just think that. But the thing is... I'm kinda' sorta'... friends with one. And I'll admit I'm kind of concerned-"

"SPIKE!"

A shout from the doorway made both Ty and Spike look for the noise. Of course, it was the same six mares one would expect.

"AHHHH!" Ty started panicking, and screaming, and, out of pure instinct, chucked whatever was nearest to his hooves at the source of his stress.

"Ty, you have-" The medical staff from earlier was promptly interrupted by the crystal Spike had put in Ty's hoof earlier. It shattered against his face and exploded into vibrant red lights that enveloped the stallion and the mares next to him, magical twinkles and plus-shaped projections fading out of and into nothingness around him, leaving everyone it enveloped intact.

Darkness filled the room as Ty felt stiff and weak again. Maybe that thing was more important than he thought. Ty could feel his body lean over the edge of the bed.

"This again. Every frickin' time."

BEEEEEEEEEEE...

Comments

[LoserkidUwU]

Imma be honest, it's been forever and I have no clue what's happening anymore...

[Lost_Data]

Cheers! He's BACK! HUZZAH!

[Lost_Data]

Where did he send them?

[Ezekiel Namuh]

11768995
Trust me, I feel like I may not know what I'm doing anymore either. Sorry about that.

11769002
I guess I should've been more clear on that. I was trying to describe how the visual effects of the crystal disappeared, not the ponies it hit. I'll fix it. (Also thanks for the enthusiasm in your other comment. Makes me feel less like I'm screwing this up.)

[Poparakelis]

This is too much over the place author and it has been for some time, maybe you should stop and actually write a coherent fic

[Ezekiel Namuh]

11769354
Maybe you're right.

I want to at least try and finish this, even if it isn't good. How does two more chapters sound?

[Poparakelis]

11769466
What? I didn't say it was bad, I said you need to calm down and start writing something coherent, in THIS fic, I want more chapters, but ones where I can see a well-planned plot line and not just chaos.

Character development for example, how about we get that?

Magic exploration, interesting and NOT chaotic brief interactions.

I'd love that.

[Maze Tail]

I found this fanfic and it’s very funny. I got some laughs.
Poor Ty he can’t catch a break, he is very unlucky.

[Ezekiel Namuh]

11769529
Alright. Sorry if I misunderstood, I'll get to it then.

[LoserkidUwU]

11769070
Nah bro its cool, its been awhile since I read so me forgeting what happened is on me not you lol!
I'm probably gonna reread the entire story to refreash it in my mind. :D

[jskase]

Glad to fortunately read this fiction recently,these ensure i can remember all the chapters and avoid reading again
Thank for update,latest chapter is good and the reference of parachute really let me laugh

[DrCygnus]

images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/b3be3f6d-557e-4562-b4a0-4734598b0149/dfc8vns-7a7ce22c-098a-4aa1-acfd-a24b2c8d053d.jpg/v1/fill/w_492,h_526,q_75,strp/genuine_panic_attack_by_sorandism_dfc8vns-fullview.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NTI2IiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvYjNiZTNmNmQtNTU3ZS00NTYyLWI0YTAtNDczNDU5OGIwMTQ5XC9kZmM4dm5zLTdhN2NlMjJjLTA5OGEtNGFhMS1hY2ZkLWEyNGIyYzhkMDUzZC5qcGciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9NDkyIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmltYWdlLm9wZXJhdGlvbnMiXX0.xaiPoMlVLQt1B4lBRwtFkMGo34wGw1C_N2-HMjEi8Ig I found this image in the story and I give you 10/10 for this alone, anyways goddamnit a cliffless cliffhangar, would absolutely love to read moar hope yer all good

[Ezekiel Namuh]

11820610
Thanks for all the kind words. Didn't know if anyone would say something about that since I edited it in a few days after this chapter went up.

Also yeah, looks like you noticed that little trend with my endings where Ty tends to get knocked unconscious. Call it a little failsafe so if I ever vanish off the face of the internet, we can just assume Ty's finally out of his horse-based misery. Not a great way to do it (Not to mention it's a bit too grim), but it works, I guess.

[Raiss Icewind]

11559191
The words I wrote or the story?

In any case, it's fine, I never expect or demand a reply on comments. It's enough just to see a like or dislike to show it's been interacted with in some fashion.

[Ezekiel Namuh]

11824038
The words you wrote in your comment, probably should've made that clear the first time.

[Nonny-Filly]

good story so far
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