Soaring

by Magicolt808

In the Clouds

Pinkie looked up at the blue sky. Her heart filled with joy at the beautiful sight but felt sadness for there was no real way for her to enjoy herself up there. The clouds swayed to the north, slowly making shapes in the sky. Man, Rainbow Dash was one lucky mare.

Just then Rainbow Dash came up the hill Pinkie was sitting on and sat beside her.

“Sorry I’m late Pinkie. I had to do an awesome entrance to my fan club.” Rainbow said.

“It’s ok Dashie. I just want to see you fly.” Pinkie said back in a cheerful tone.

“You got it.” Dash said before taking off with amazing speed. As she did her tricks, she looped and spun, making the air twist around her. The clouds seemed to be pulled into her every move and began to fly in different directions, unpredictably.

Pinkie ooooed and awwwed at the sight of her friend, literally looking like part of the afternoon sky with her matching coat. Pinkie’s eyes sparkled and a huge grin formed on her face.

Dash soon landed and once again joined Pinkie.”How was that?”

“Amazing as always Dash!”

Rainbow blushed. “Aww thanks Pinkie. I should really get going though. I need to help Derpy before she hurts herself.”

They soon said their goodbyes and Dash left to go back to Ponyville. But Pinkie stayed, still looking at the sky. Oh man, did she wish to be up there. Twisting and turning just like Dash, making the clouds bend to her every will. Just then she thought of an idea.

“I’ll make my own wings!”

She quickly left to go see Twilight for help on how to start on this project.

-----+-----

“Pinkie, you know I can just cast a spell on you right?”

“I know silly! But where’s the fun in that?”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Absolutely!” Pinkie said with a wide grin on her face.

Twilight looked at her with serious doubt but could respect anypony’s wish to want to do things on their own.

“Alright Pinkie. Here’s a book on the anatomy of Pegasi and here is a book on flying mechanisms throughout Equestrias history.”

“Thanks Twilight. But could you also show me how to put things like this together?” She said with a doubtful face at all of the welding marks and obvious sanding that would be a key element in flying.

Don’t worry about it Pinkie. Everything you need to know is in that book. I’m sure you are very capable in figuring it out.” Twilight said with an assuring grin.

“Well if you say so. Thanks for helping me.”

“Anytime, Pinkie. But now you need to go because Celestia is coming over to discuss royal matters with me. It’s very private and I can’t have anyone over while she is here.”

“Okiedokielokie!” Pinkie said with a hop in her step. She hopped out of the library and into the streets of Ponyville with a new kind of hope. The first thing she needed to do though was to find Rusty. He owned all of the scrap metal in town. “He’s sure to have the things I need!”

After about an hour, Pinkie walked out of the junkyard with a saddlebag filled to the brim with scrap metal in all shapes and sizes.

“Hmmm… what’s next?” she thought.

She had decided that the next thing she needed was a kind of cloth to be the cover for the wings. She quickly walked over to Rarity’s for the supplies.

“Are you sure you need this much cloth Dear?”

“I’m positive!” She giggled before leaving for the bakery.

When she got back home, she quickly left for the back yard. It was fenced off and had all of the tools Mr. Cake used to make his bigger creations. She set all of her supplies on the workbench and got started, grabbing the blow torch and beginning to weld the metals just as the book said to. She had the entire frame made by supper time and was ready to add the cloth.

As she ripped and stitched, she giggled in excitement. Oooh she couldn’t wait for the time she would be able to fly. A slight breeze rolled by and she sucked it in, breathing in the sweet smell of fresh air. Her mind got lost and she imagined herself flying, accidentally dropping the scissors and letting it cut a large hole into one of the wings. But she didn’t notice it. All she could think was feeling the air passing through her pink mane.

Coming back to reality, she looked down at her project and was very happy. They matched the shade of pink her coat was and they were the perfect length. As she sighed, she walked back into the house, never noticing the huge gash in her cloth.

-----+-----

Pinkie woke up early in the morning and snapped her eyes open with a sense of urgency. A smile quickly grew on her face and she got out of bed with a giant leap, landing on her hooves with ease. She screamed in excitement, which woke the Cakes, and jumped around her room. It was time for her to fly!

She quickly ran into the back to put on her new wings by swiftly pulling on the cloth straps over her shoulders and running to the edge of the mountain that was just off the edge of Ponyville. This induced a lot of odd stares from other ponies but it did not faze her. She could not be stopped.

As she stood on the edge, looking at the sharp edged rocks at the bottom, a small hint of doubt crept into her mind. What if she failed? What if she couldn’t control it? But then she looked into the sky. That great big, blue, clear sky. This is what she came for. And she will try.

With all of her doubt out of her mind, She took a good distance away from her and the edge. With one last, deep breath, she ran towards the open air and left off the cliff, closing her eyes while doing so.

What seemed like forever passed and finally, Pinkie opened her eyes. She couldn’t believe it! She was flying! She looked down at the ground as it rushed before her eyes in a blur. She felt the wind rush through her mane just like she had dreamed and a smile grew on her face even wider than she had ever done before.

With her hooves outstretched, she let the clouds zoom by her and she giggled at all the little ponies going about town below her. She also couldn’t believe how light her wings were in the air. It was like she wasn’t wearing anything at all.

She was getting a bit far so she decided to circle back to the cliff. Upon her arrival, she could see Rainbow Dash and Twilight standing on the edge. She decided to yell to them and wave but they did not hear her. With confusion she landed next to them, only to see them looking over the edge with tears in her eyes.

“Hey guys! I’m right he…” she was cut off by the sight she saw. Down below, in the canopy of trees of the forest below, was her contraption, mangled and destroyed. She looked at her own back and saw that she was bare and eerily transparent. She looked down at her own hooves only to be able to look right through it. As she stared in horror, a small figure she spotted through her hoof caught her eye. She moved it away only to see her own body, twisted and broken. Her tears fell to the ground and landed softly in the dirt.

With her wails of sadness, the wind whistled through the trees, carrying her cries and moving the clouds.

At least she got to fly.

Comments

[mageli7]

Great story! Even if it was a bit sad I still loved it! Welllll maybe a bit sad is an understatement, it was quite depressing and nearly made me cry... Good job!

[qazxswedcvrfrfsf]

Another great story. I don't know how you do it, how you can manage to produce so many stories with so little easy, but that's why I look up to you.

[TeXXy]

I thought that it was going to be Pinkie x Soarin' due to the name...
Good thing it wasn't, that'd be really weird.
Anyways, here's a few things I noticed that you aught to work on.

Don’t worry about it Pinkie. Everything you need to know is in that book. I’m sure you are very capable in figuring it out.” Twilight said with an assuring grin.

“Well if you say so. Thanks for helping me.

”

-Twilight's dialogue didn't start with a quote, therefore it looked like it was a paragraph.
-You are missing a comma after "Twilight Said". ("Twilight said, with an assuring grin.")
-You are missing a comma after "Don't worry about it". ("Don't worry about it, Pinkie.")
-You are missing a comma after "Well". ("Well, if you say so.")

That great big, blue, clear sky. This is what she came for. And she will try.

-You don't need to add "clear", it doesn't quite flow as well as it should.
-Never start a sentence with "And". (Instead, try "This is what she came for -- and she needed to try" or something to that effect.)

Finally, the ending doesn't quite have as much emotion as it should, it just kind of quickly ended as follows;
(spoiler alert...)
Pinkie jumped, and the contraption failed to work. Then she became a ghost and saw her friends crying. At least she got to fly, simply as her ghostly self.
(end spoiler)

So forth.
They're just simple mistakes and things you'll realize on your own, over time...
Don't take it personally, I just wanna help :3.

Besides that, it was a pretty good story. Although I believe I've read something similar before...
Lastly, I do like your other stories as well. I had noticed mistakes in them here and there, but decided not to point anything out because I [probably] didn't have the time.

[Magicolt808]

1200754 Trust me, I know it looks weird but when you try to write out a story in study hall and the computer has no grammar/ spelling checks, it becomes harder to write. But I do see where you come from and I appreciate the feedback.

[Nytaza]

A few errors but a sad story. It was really good though!!!

[TeXXy]

1200929
I could see how that could be a big contribution to the errors.
Of course we're not perfect anyways, we all make mistakes.

[Fluttrick]

Sorry, Royce. I'm a bit late on reading all your fictions. But here's my opinion of the fiction. And this time I'll at least try to give a detailed response instead of just saying "SO AWESOME" or "AMAZING!" Even though this fiction was both of them. I thought it had an interesting plot, and that the ending was a bit unexpected which made the entire experience sadder.
There were a few errors I could see, but as I read the comments I noticed that your study hall computers don't have grammar check so it is expected for there to be some mistakes. Just make sure to put commas before stating the name of a character.
Such as the part where Pinkie said. "Thanks Twilight!" It should be. "Thanks, Twilight!"
That's all for now. Otherwise it was another one of your good yet not as popular fictions.
-Pat

[Darth Sparkle]

Dashy and Flutters:

Twily when she hears the news:

Rare and AJ:

Me and this story:

Good job!

[k3vyb3vy]