• Member Since 1st Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen May 22nd, 2020

Magicolt808


E

Before you read, I want you all to imagine that two mares can have children.

Applejack takes a walk through the familiar fields that she calls home. But what does she find at the far end?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 18 )

Hmmm.... interesting.

I was excited when I saw a new notification, and even more excited when it about a new story from you. :yay:
About the story, I really liked it. I'm not a huge AppleDash fan, but there was just the right amount here to still make me feel a feel.
I thought the whole idea that they had a child was great, I've never read something like that before, it was a pleasant surprise.
I loved the bit about Spitfire being in the house, I'm not sure why, but it just really grabbed my attention.
Also, I didn't really see any mistakes, I don't know if you had it proofread already or not, but it looked good to me.
Is there any plan to continue it? (I know it says complete, but I was just wondering)

This filled my day with happy

I loved it, and I love little Zap. Too too too cute!

One note. . . I didn't think you needed the line: Yes that’s right, Applejack and Rainbow are married and had a baby.

A) You kinda said that in the summery. And
B) It sounds more like the author talking then keeping the third person limited POV. It pulled me out of a wonderful sweet story for a second.

If you feel like you need to say it, I would try to work it into Applejack's thinking.

Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack = Favorites. Child Hood Ruined. Ashleigh Ball - Mad.
Nah, Just kidding.:rainbowlaugh:

Please could you do moar?

1337 words...

I see what you did there.

522126 Have you noticed this isn't the first time I've done that?

520870 I got rid of that line and now you can enjoy it in it's third person POV greatness like it was intended.

520629 I never gave a lot of thought into it but may be I can continue it. I'm going to have to get crackin if I want to get it done.

521220 Exactly what I just said to Fluttersquee. I wll continue it. But in another story, not a chapter.

Oh sweet ,AppleDash isn't my favourite but for me,any story of love with Dash (but not necessarly with her) is just .... *sigh* heartwarming....

DAW DAW DAW! and that was so heart warming and sweet and heart warming and sweet and,GAH! SO AWE:rainbowkiss:SOME!

DAW DAW DAW! and that was so heart warming and sweet and heart warming and sweet and,GAH! SO AWE:rainbowkiss:SOME!

Truth Review: (Massive Spoilers)

First paragraph: Overkill much?
"It was early in the morning and the sun was just rising in the distance, illuminating the vast orchard that belonged to the Apple family. Each ruby, red apple was easily visible from a distance and shone in the light with a simple brilliance. This brilliance made the orange mare smile, for this is all she knew."
Every writer, big or small, knows that a good story requires great description skills. Here you show truly that you understand that unspoken rule, yet, overkill much? I can easily tell that this is all forced. Its unnatural and just does not seem to go with any flow, its just there. Same thing for the next paragraph with describing Apple Jack (Oh and the muscle toned part too in the third paragraph).

Little Zap: History.
First off, Little Zap was cute. But like always you need to provide some basic information about him. In the story description you pretend that the mares have had a child, well, why not? If you ever want to expand your story word count try explaining things you would normally skip. For instance you could have easily thrown in 3-4 paragraphs about Apple Jack and Rainbow Dash adopting Little Zap. Then for a good measure ad in a reason or mini-story about how he got his name. You see, the one consistent main problem with your stories is that they are always short and rushed. You have a knack at writing but slow down, and take your time. I would like to see a story that is over 5K words.

Stetson Hat: The mystery.
Now obviously at the get go the title gave away the main focus. Sure not everyone would get the connection until it was made but you cant fool the veteran readers with a small ploy like that. Now i am not saying I am better at 'reading' than others but i instantly knew that everything is written for a reason and i was able to assume correctly what this story was about when i first opened it up.


(Suddenly i have to do something. I will finish this review later today!)

528251 I see.
Hmmm…

Damn I really rushed this one huh? Well to be honest, the first five paragraphs were from when you asked me to write about Applejack about I don't know how many months ago. The reason it's overkill was because It was going to be an emotionally griping story yet I knew you wanted at least a little happy in it so I scraped this whole draft. Little did I know that it was still saved in my student folder. I came across it and I flipped the whole story to be happy, not bothering to change the beginning. :facehoof:

But here's some good news. I am planning two stories of which are both going to be almost 10K Words long (well not that much but somewhere in that range) and I would love nothing more than for you to review those as well.

Thanks for everything you do. Especially for me.

EDIT: Also, Zap is not adopted. He's flesh and blood.

annd-iwas not alerted that you had a new story... -_-

I Must say, Thank you. Because ever since I read this story. I remember what Apple Jack's hat is actually called. XD:rainbowlaugh:

This was good, I thought it was very cute. A fun, heartwarming story. The hat was a nice little twist on things.

I really needed that
thank you :twilightsmile:

wow that was great :twilightsmile: :moustache:

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