• Published 4th Sep 2020
  • 1,618 Views, 16 Comments

I love you, but - Ryoki The Kirin



It was a long time coming. Really, it was. Four months and no reply. It's enough to drive anypony mad. Especially when you're in love with her. [i]Dear Cadance[/i] It's as good a start as any. [i]I love you, but...[/i]

  • ...
3
 16
 1,618

I remember better times

“You know I’ll always be there for you, Ladybug.”

Canterlot was an eight hour transit from Ponyville. It should be known that it takes only takes five hour to travel by balloon from Ponyville to the top of Mt. Unicornia. The quickest way to travel from Canterlot and back is by chariot, favoured by the Princesses for taking only four and a half hours. There is an interesting correlation seen in travel to Canterlot that is as unique as it is frustrating. As the pony capacity of the vehicle increase, so does the duration of the travel. The only exception to this, is the zeppelin. However, using a zeppelin for anything other than its two utilizations is excessive. Those being traveling outside of Equestria or touring around Equestria. The problem with this correlation, six ponies and a dragon can’t comfortably ride in a Balloon. Even if two where to fly, it would still be a tight fit and an unpleasant experience that would create a mopey Element of Kindness. Taking the over night train would be the only viable option. Though Twilight would never say it, she blamed the unicorn nobility for their selfishness and short sightedness as they had refused to contribute unicorn knowledge to a ‘unhelpful waste of land’. So the most popular mode of travel, of all the three main pony races, was wholly made by earth ponies and will consistently take overnight travel to reach any city. In conclusion, unicorn nobles are too self serving for Equestria, the most influential country of the known world.

“But I love it when you blush, your cheeks turn red like ladybugs, Ladybug."

This both did and did not please Twilight. Did Twilight love everything about trains and have a modest miniature collection of them at Canterlot, yes. Did Twilight like talking to her friends at night on a one hundred mile per hour stream locomotive, yes. Did Twilight want to delay arriving to Canterlot as much as possible, yes. She’s halfway through planning a way to stop the train before reaching her destination. What Twilight did not like about this particular train ride surprised her. It wasn’t the last minute planning, the rush to pack for the trip or the emptiness of the train today. Or maybe it was. It would actually be nice if it was over crowded with sound so she could hear how happy her friend where right now. ‘Ah, that’s what I don’t like about this trip.’

“what’s wrong Ladybug?”

Twilight desperately needed these thoughts to stop. She needed them weeded out of her mind if she was going to seriously survive this trip with everypony conscious and unharmed. Cadance hadn’t been this prominent in her mind since the day she left for Ponyville. This was mainly because Cadance had been away on negotiations, so there was no one to say goodbye to and her new friends had taken up so much of her time it took a few days to message everypony back home on her new life in Ponyville. ‘I guess that’s when it all started, or rather stopped.’ The thoughts in her head mixed with the noise of her friends was crippling her capability to think. Trying to fill her thoughts solely of her transport to Canterlot could only provide a grease ridden rope to stop her descent into this endless abyss that is the living nightmare played out before her eyes. ‘Great, on top of everything, I’m apparently going back into my Edgar Allan Pone poetry phase.’

Apparently, my mood was foul enough for my friends to notice because after the train had started moving, Applejack put her hoof on my shoulder. “Sugar, are you alright? Is this ‘bout getting interrupted, cus you can chat with us now.” Her simile was one of patience and understanding. Twilight’s mind on the other hoof, was the antithesis. She was lacking patience and had no understanding of what or why everything was happening.

Following ritual and instinct, Twilight breathed in heavily and promptly broke method to sputter violently, her friends jumping slightly. Coughing to recover from her laps in judgment for using Cadance’s old method, she hastily replied that she was indeed fine through a fit of struggled separated words. “I’m *cough* fine Apple*cough*jack.”

“Are you sure dear? You look a smidge gloomy after receiving such wondrous news. We had to check what was bothering you.” Rarity’s politeness and calming grace was what seemed to settle Twilight into a more relaxed state. The power of friendship truly was an amazing thing, where being ones self can calm their friend. Even if left sad still, she was calm and now figuring out what to say to her friends.

“I’m not ready to talk about it anymore.” Twilight hadn’t need much time to think this over. If she told her friends what was bothering her, she may end up portraying her brother in a really negative light and that was the last thing she wanted to do. It also helped that she needed to talk to both Shining and Cadance about what this wedding was about and what was happening. She was both hurt and in denial about this entire situation. She expected that when she was to go to sleep, she would wake up from this and find a letter from Cadance on her doorstep. An apology for being busy or something that meant they had something. But backup plans and consistency plans where Twilight’s go to for solving problems. And this was one heck of a doosy. “It has something to do with the wedding and I need to talk to my brother about it.” She would leave it a that: a frown on her face, crossed over hooves and glace out of the window.

Only to see the reflection of her five friends in a state of confusion and shock. It was Rainbow Dash that raced to get an answer to sate her curiosity and confusion. “You have a brother! Since when? And what does he have to do with the wedding!?” Right, she had never told her friends about her family. It never... felt right to. It was nothing against her family or friends. It was just that, out of her group of friends Pinkie seemed to be the only one that had a good relationship with her parents and she didn’t really talk about her parents out of respect of her friends. Rainbow was always annoyed whenever she got mail from home and didn’t really like talking about them. We all knew she was an only child and kind of adopted Fluttershy and Scootaloo as her sisters. Rarity too was always annoyed at her parents. Leaving Sweetie Belle in her care while her parents went off and ‘neglected their responsibilities’ as Rarity had put it. Applejack lived on her farm with her little sister, big brother and her granny. With family being one of her biggest virtues, enough was already said to paint the past’s tragedy. Fluttershy lived alone, which isn’t unusual to be doing at her age. But, when Twilight found out how long she’d lived alone, she decided it was not her place to question it. She did not want Fluttershy feeling like she was obligated to tell if she asked, which had happened many a time when questioning the shy mare about some of her odd antics. They always lead to very awkward moments. However, from what she had picked up from passing conversation, she had learned that Fluttershy had hated living in Cloudsdale and that she had only Rainbow Dash to rely on when she was younger. Pinkie Pie had very strict parents and three sister, but she had said that she loved her family with all her entire heart, which was a very large sum.

“Shining Amour is my brother and he’s the... groom” Twilight maybe in denial about whether she was dreaming or not, but the mere idea that Shining, nay, anyone was the groom to Cadance was difficult to say without spitting it out. Instead she tried to hide it by pausing. This didn’t seem to hide anything though, as she turned to see her friends give her a curious glace that indicated that something was wrong with what she said or, more likely, how she said it.

“Sugar, you are happy that your brother is getting married, aren’t ya?” As stated before, family was important to Applejack. Most likely more than her honesty. So Twilight saying that she was happy would be the correct response, right? But this wasn’t a quiz. No test she could go back and change the answer to. She really didn’t want to have this conversation right now, though she had to say something, the question still remained. Honesty or family?

She looked at her friends, in a way that was very close to her heart, they where family, honorary or not. She trusted these ponies with her life, had trusted these ponies with her life multiple times and here she was, alive and... well not happy right now, but the sentiment was still strong. But more importantly, she looked her little dragon’s face. She had constantly pushed off a conversation she had wanted to have with him. Well, two conversions really. One was her and Cadance, the other was how she felt about him. ‘Family and honesty. I will not lie to them.’ “I’m not happy Shining is marring Cadance.” She didn’t mean to seethe those words out. But it was too late. She had given them an honest answer, an answer they probably didn’t want to hear, but an answer that was needed to be said.

Pinkie’s gasp was the loudest. But everyone moved back from her. It hurt her to see everyone act in an aghast way, but she had expected it. Now she looked like the bad one instead of her brother or Cadance. But thinking of it like this had given her prospective. ‘Yes, I’d take the blame if it meant taking the fall off her brother or Cadance’. It also helped that her friends knew her. It would be easier to fix how her friends saw her verses trying to fix the first thing you heard about a pony. This didn’t mean she wanted to talk about this yet, so she made a way to excuse herself and retire in for the rest of the remaining day.



“Can you stop making faces at me? I’m trying to study.”
“You can get closer to study me if you’d like...”
“You know what I mean!”
“Then you should know the way to stop me from making these faces Ladybug.”

Now that Twilight was alone, she didn’t have the shield her friends gave her from the memories that had been bombarding her since Cadance hadn’t replied to her fifth letter, when she’d gotten really worried. She had sent Celestia a letter asking if Cadance was okay. She’d received a letter that Cadance was fine, but she had been busy with her usual duties and she had been told not to worry, that Cadance would be sure to message her soon. Soon did not come and she was starting to get nervous about visiting, cold hoofed at the though if Cadance forgetting about her. Eventually, a plan creeped up on her. She would be going to Canterlot for her birthday to help Rarity and she sent a letter to Cadance meet at the Canterlot garden. She did not turn up. She ended up waiting for a half an hour, then re-joined her friends at her party. To take her mind off the growing heart break, Twilight may have partied a little too hard and ended up sending Cadance that letter. The letter where she had had known she’d sent, but could not actually remember the contents. She remembered anger, lots of it. But there where other emotion in that knot as well. Sadness, self pity, loneliness. But no words, just emotion.

“Ladybug?”

Like her own life, her love life made little to no sense to her. Many times she questioned parts only to come up with reasons why it shouldn’t be happening. For instance, take the hypocorism Cadance had given her. The only positive connection Twilight had to ladybugs was the dance Cadance and Twilight did to annoy Shining together. It later became a greeting of sorts, being done in public was always fun as the nobles of Canterlot couldn’t tell a Princess what she could and could not do when being completely harmless. They’d often laugh about the reactions later. However, the song and dance did not alleviate from her crippling phobia of ladybugs. She was indeed embarrassed about the scare something so little can bring her, especially when she was perfectly fine with spiders. Although the reason for the fear was valid as a filly, her brother telling her that the spots a ladybug had were extra eyes when a swarm enter their home, but now as an adult mare? She was still scared of them. She had even went through a ‘goth’ phase, as Rarity had called it, when her love of Lovecraftian literature was found. Demons described with unholy amount of eyes and she’d read that horror for pleasure.

“Ladybug? You know I’m afraid of those right?”
“I know, but your just so... my Ladybug, you know?”
“You don’t have a reason, do you Cady?”
“It’s better than yours, honey.”

Her first time being called Ladybug. Twilight had later come up with Candy for Cadance, but had sparsely used it out of a romantic moment between the two. All these thoughts used to be so heart warming and nice, now turned a very personal bittersweet. Most bittersweet feelings come from a second hand edge that would not allow a spectator to fully evoke the emotion unless it had been experience before. Twilight curled in on herself atop her bedding. She both felt hot and cold at the same time. Sick to her stomach with her head racing with thoughts. She knew she wasn’t sick, just lacking. Her thoughts were not nice to her. No matter how she tried to think about this being a dream, they were always over crowded by alternative thoughts. She felt too real, felt too much. Worrisome thoughts spread through her mind. Tales of Shining and Cadance in Canterlot, her in Ponyville. Histories being rewritten, with Shining always having been with Cadance, Twilight the jealous, possessive, younger sister. It made her mentally unwell.

“Twilight, what’s wrong honey” Cadance awoke briskly once she found that Twilight was not in her bed. To Cadance’s worry, Twilight was pacing. She knew her love only paced when things got too out of hand for her head to follow correctly. Cadance loved how Twilight’s mind worked. How you could visually see what her mind was up to, simply by watching her. The slight upwards movement of her arm only to put it back on the ground, indicated a question popping into her mind. An unfortunate, and very cute, subsequence of too much school discipline brought to the real world. The easy to miss, backward jiggle of her right hind leg, told of uncomfortable situations she wanted to leave. The droop of at least one ears showing how sincere she truly felt. She loved all of Twilight’s movements and loved how her brain expressed its self. Her body radiated honesty and she appreciated it more than anything when it came to her Ladybug. She was truly the smartest pony Cadance knew and to see it so openly displayed to Cadance made her feel special. The stress of court, with stone faced politicians and heartless nobles made it manageable if it meant coming home to the complete opposite.

However, the cost of this was Twilight over thinking. She found out her displays of honesty at a very young age and tried to always be mindful of what her body was doing so she could hind how she felt. Nobles were always taught to not show their hearts on their fetlocks and to not show weakness. Unbeknownst to her mother, Twilight Velvet, she too had been enabling this conditioning onto her daughter. Having been raised in a noble house herself. It was most likely Night Light that had kept Twilight from becoming like the rest of the nobility. However, what must have truly made Twilight keep her mannerisms, had to have been Celestia. This was sadly because Twilight’s parents had argued allot on what Twilight should grow up to be. And when the two argued, they became quite passionate about the argument and could never seem to agree on many thing they wanted for their youngest. It ended up with a plan neither of them could fathom. When Twilight was a blank flank, she was atrocious with magic. Always being described as a faulty dynamite by foalsitters. When Cadance volunteered, for what she thought would be a troubled filly with anger management, she was happily surprised to find the sweetest, most caring and adorkable filly ever. The reason behind the ‘faulty dynamite’ comment, was because of the frequency of magic surges that was abnormally large for any unicorn. It had taken a while for the filly to open up to Cadance, but she was glad that she did as they grew into having a truly unbreakable bond. So Cadance offered to Twilight Velvet and Night Light a suggestion to enrol Twilight into Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns. They were both very anxious about the choice, but made it because Twilight had seemed so happy to take the chance. It was after that day that Cadance witnessed Twilight’s dedication to her future.

Cadance was staring. She realised that she was just smiling at the pacing mare, completely lost in thought. A thud and a cry brought her out of her reverie. “Twily, come back to bed. It’s the middle of the night, and your pacing in the dark.” Of course, she knew why she was pacing, they both did. Tomorrow, Cadance, Twilight, Shining and the siblings parents where meeting properly for the first time in around five years. This was never meant to happen, yet it nearly always did with Celestia’s students. Celestia always selects ponies that need help but are gifted in a rare way. These students have a tendency to be workaholics desperate to please the princess. They never seen not notice time pass and yet never let a day go to waste. On paper, that sounds like a model student. But Celestia has seen her students and the lessons they had to learn. From overworking themselves ill, getting frustrated at not progressing fast enough or feeling like they have let Celestia down by failing too many times. These lessons were always difficult to learn and many end up running from too much pressure. Twilight sadly did not learn her lesson until she graduated. She had been the one not to fall under pressure of overworking, nor did she never feel too frustrated for too long that it had any immediate set backs. And every time Twilight had done as asked, she surprised Celestia with her results. The folly of Twilight Sparkle was that she had shut herself away for a decade. Though Celestia was one to teach student though their own mistakes, she had tried to send Twilight outside. For the first few years, Twilight was sent home for Hearth’s Warming. However, she was constantly withdrawn into her books and testing herself. The only times when she wasn’t, was at the dinner table or when looking after Spike. Shining Amour was similarly engaged with his own training that after the first year, the two sibling began testing one another in their respected fields. As sad as the holiday spirit in the household was, Twilight Velvet and Night Light didn’t want to disrupt the momentum their children had. If they continued the way that they were going, they’d achieve greatness no problem. But it was hard for them both to connect or show their support when they had so much of a forward vision to what their goals were. All they could hope for is that they knew they had someone they could talk to back home.

Five years like that. All together, it was only twelve Hearth’s Warmings they had spent together. Twilight had been dedicated to seeing Hearth’s Warmings in other parts of the world and Celestia was overjoyed that her student had taken an interest outside of the castle and had the possibility of making friends. Twilight, Cadance and a squadron of royal guards had taken a zeppelin to Zebrica for Hearth’s Warming. Spending a week in the tribal lands and learning the culture has been amazing and eye opening. Dancing, mask carving and exotic foods. It had been an amazing week. Even if Twilight had spent half of her money on local books read them before getting back to Equestria. Once the group had returned, Cadance had spent the rest of Hearth’s Warming with Twilight and her parents. Even though, Shining wasn’t there, he had gotten into Celestia’s royal guard academy a year early on a scholarship and a year of work experience as a commander after graduation, it was a happier festive season with Twilight being a lot more lively. With everypony’s lives getting more and more occupied, chances of full attendance at the Twilight Household grew slimmer and slimmer. Until now.

After Twilight’s life shock at realising the amount of time missed with her family. Twilight wanted to set or restart everything back on a path of normal family. After confessing to Cadance, she had invited everyone to her tower at the castle. It was a good idea on how to get the family to reunite and also get Celestia to join as well. This made Cadance’s love both happy and extremely stressed out. Choruses of remarks on whether there was enough space, food and comfort harmonized with Cadance’s verse of reassuring the unicorn that everything would be fine. Cadance may have been doing this ever since she started foalsitting for Twilight, but she would always try to be patient. Try being the key word.

“Twilight Sparkle, get your flank in bed or I’m going to spank you!” breaking off rhythm suddenly was not something Twilight was ever accustom to. It was a tactic Cadance only used when they were both tired and needed sleep because it always had the best effects. And this time was no different, as a warm Twilight sized pillow was firmly wrapped in Cadance’s hooves. “I love you, you silly mare. Everything will be perfect. And if it isn’t, I’ll promise we’ll laugh about it the next day together, just the two of us. Happy. Together”

Twilight remembered that she hadn’t fallen asleep like Cadance expected her to that night. She had taken the words she had said and put it under lock and key right next to her heart. This was why she loved Cadance. Why she had to be stronger than this and get to the bottom of why this was happening. Cadance loved her. Twilight love Cadance. It was clear to her that in no universe would Cadance and Shining marry like this.

Twilight’s determination was halted as the door to the bedroom carriage opened. The twelve year old dragon looked up at his mother figure with trepidation in his eyes. Twilight’s heart softened at the sight. Patting the mattress next to her, Spike jumped up and sat next to Twilight. “Your angry with Shining and Cadance. Is it because they didn’t tell you about the wedding?” Ever to the point and so perceptive. She had a very special place in her heart for her dragon that made her want to protect him with every fibre in her body. But, she had realised how badly that kind of possession can stunt the growth of her little dragon. She had done the same to herself after all. Spike had friends for about the same amount of time Twilight had and that was a painful reminder of how selfish she was before graduating, before Ponyville. ‘Cadance would probably be proud. She always saw the best in me.’

“No, that might have been the reason if there wasn’t something else.” Twilight didn’t know if she should tell him yet. She wanted to talk with Shining and Cadance. But they were still a night before they got to see them. “I promise to talk to you as soon as I can, after I talk with them.”

“Do you not want them to get together. I thought you would like Cadance to be family.” As much as it hurt, she knew it only came from innocence, naivety of the situation and her fault for not telling him sooner. Sucking it up, she smiled down at Spike and kissed him on the forehead.

“It’s not that simple, but I promise to tell you when we are settled in Canterlot.” That seemed to mollify him for now. Twilight hugged him close. And with that, went off to prepare for an early night.

Author's Note:

Omg. Never doing writing three scenes in one chapter like this again, hopefully. I hope you guys aren’t too bored by the middle scene since my intention with this chapter was for a flash back while Twilight is on the train. I wanted exposition into why I put an alternative universe tag on this because a lot of back story is head cannon fodder. Twilight going to Zebrica might come in future stories (though not related to this story. My main story I’m writing /planning uses the same backstory as this story, but there will be no room for Twidance. Sorry. Only a supportive sister in law). But I might make a small one shot of Twilight and Cadance going to Zebrica. Back to my intension with this chapter. I wanted this to be a flashback, but I needed Twilight to talk to her friends on whose wedding they are attending. Hopefully you are all okay with how I did the first scene. I personally like it more than the flashback since it has a lot more movement in one direction rather than the messy flashback. The last scene was something I really wanted in this story. And that was to have a lot of it focused on family. Mainly the mane six family, the family Twilight was born into and the family of Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Twilight and Spike. Hopefully I can pull this off.

Lots of love and I hope your staying safe out there!!!

Comments ( 10 )

10421296
Thanks, I was hoping the beggining would be interesting. Now I've just got to coninue to deliver!

10421986
Thanks! If you spot any more, I'll be sure to change them!

Twilight and Cadence used to be lovers before the Canterlot Wedding? Interesting twist. I'm definitely looking forward to see where this goes. Tracking.

10422383
Thanxs for joining me on this journey! Hopefully I can keep up to my own standard and make you all happy!

This is a great story so far thanks for writing it. :pinkiehappy: now mess with our emotions as you see fit

10424840
Now that I have consent, I shall aim with intent to dice your emotions, fry them up in a wok to serve you a dish of heartbreak. (I'll try my best!)

So they were lovers, that answers one of my questions.

Cadance hadn’t been this prominent in her mind since the day she left for Ponyville. This was mainly because Cadance had been away on negotiations, so there was no one to say goodbye to and her new friends had taken up so much of her time it took a few days to message everypony back home on her new life in Ponyville. ‘I guess that’s when it all started, or rather stopped.’

It's understandable that Cadance (I also thought for the longest time that it was spelled Cadence) couldn't be there when Twilight left to Ponyville, but ignoring her letters and hooking up with her girlfriend's brother is a dick move.

So Twilight wants to tell her friends when they're already in Canterlot for the wedding? That a bad idea but it does seem in character for her. Her resentment, headache, and even jealousy (though this would be envy since she and Cadance are no longer dating) would just boil up inside, leading to an outburst worse than in the A Canterlot Wedding episode.

I wonder how the Chrysalis and Changelings fit into this, but that will be something to wait for.

If Chrysalis kidnapped (... foalnapped) Cadance shortly after Twilight left for Ponyville then everyone (... everypony) here is a victim of circumstances (and changeling subterfuge) while if it happened a while latter, then Cadance is still on the hook for ignoring Twilight.

But if the kidnapping took place when Cadance was already dating or was engaged to Shining, then that would definitely place her in the cheating asshole category.

I'm definitely curious to see how this goes, hope to read more.

Is this going to continue ;-; pls tell me it's still continuing ;-;"

really good and intersting.

hope that you will pick the story up again :)

Login or register to comment