• Member Since 30th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen April 28th

redspark


22 year old Mexican music composer. Writes fanfics on the side. Part time Brony, recently discovered a love for anime (breaking my belief that I’d never fall down that hole...)

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It's been years since Twilight took over as sole princess alongside her friends to help. Starlight's been headmare of the friendship school for a few years, and all seems perfect with no new threats or problems... that is, until the princess dissapears. No one knows where Twilight is. Celestia and Luna take her place for the time being, but it does not solve the problem that lingers in everycreature's minds.

The princess of friendship is gone.

Embarking on a journey, Starlight, alongside her best friend Trixie, look for the missing princess; a tale of mysteries, ancient beings and a reckoning from the past...

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This is created alongside a symphonic poem I'm composing over in my YouTube channel. I will upload the chapter alongside the musical piece from the symphonic poem that can be listened to alongside the chapter. If you click Opening and Main Theme you can listen to the first piece of the symphonic poem!

The link to the pieces will be included both on the chapter's writer's notes as well as on the title of the chapter or location where the piece accompanies the story.

Amazing artwork by @_floweryoutoday!
https://twitter.com/_floweryoutoday

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 11 )

Ah! This is gonna be exciting! :D
I wish you good luck and much success!^^

An intriguing premise!

I know I'm not your editor, but I wanted to point out a few spots of grammatical bother:

  • Par. 4: the princess of Equestria, Twilight Sparlke.
    - Unless this misspelling is significant to the narrative, you meant "Sparkle"
    - You might also consider capitalizing "Princess"
  • Par. 12: “Yeeesss… Can’t… breath…. Ugh…”
    - "Breathe" is the verb. "Breath" is the noun.
  • Par. 17: You wrote that Trixie sighed here, but then she "approach[es] Trixie". Did you mean for Starlight to be the subject of this paragraph?
  • Minor comma errors in pars. 12 and 13

I don't mean to be a "grammar Nazi," but these suggestions would improve readability a great deal.

The overall flow of the narrative could use some dusting, but it is readable. Overall, good job with this!

An exciting start!

"Trixie peaked down the abyss" is a typo for "peeked", and you also have one lowercase "starlight".

10374462
Thank you so much for pointing that out!

The yak, a smaller but bulkier-looking yak pointed at himself. “I am Bor! Ponies are safe with me,” he proudly stated before sitting down. The next Yak and who appeared to be the only female stood up next. “Zora.” With that, the rest of the Yaks introduced themselves. In total there were 6 yaks: Darko, Bor, Zora, Volo and Kaz, who introduced themselves a brothers while banging their heads in a painful way causing both Starlight and Trixie to flinch, and the one on the roof, Vad. Vad could be seen faintly thanks to the moonlight that occasionally filtered through the thick layer of clouds. He appeared to be the thinner one of the group of yaks from what Starlight remembered when they were travelling earlier.

Kaz? Why he’s the best starfighter pilot in the Galaxy!

Great job! I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

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