Celestia made it through eighteen years of living with a moody little sister, eight years of college, a failed marriage, and losing her only child. But nothing had prepared her for this. At first when Sunset came to her, asking her for admittance to her school she thought it was just a coincidence. That the girl just happened to look and share the same name as her. But then the portal opened and caused a whole new set of problems for her. There is a parallel universe in which all of them are horses, it made her nauseous to think of it. Three years, that's how long the girl has been a student under her care. Three years of Sunset not having a family or home in general. After the Friendship games she had pulled out Sunset's file, hoping that her fears where not justifiable. But after several attempts of calling the fake phone number and internet searches of the address Sunset had given, it was obvious the girl was lying. Now she was faced with a dilemma, should she turn the girl over to child services or try to handle this herself?
“Celly?” The sound of her sister's voice broke her trance. She jerked her head up, meeting Lunas worried gaze as leaned against the door frame.
“I’m sorry, Lulu. Is it time for the meeting?” Celestia asked, pushing Sunset's file away from herself before standing. Only for Luna’s frown to deepen. The younger woman properly stepped into the office, shutting the door behind her.
“The school board left nearly ten minutes ago. I made an excuse for you. Raven was worried when you hadn't answered the phone and your door was locked. She asked me to come check on you, as I’m the only person with a key. What’s going on, Celestia? It’s not like you to skip meetings?” Luna asked, an annoyance and worry lacing her voice as she folded her arms across her chest. Celestia sighed and dropped back down in her chair. Pushing the rather thick file towards her sister.
“Sunset Shimmer” Celestia said softly and she felt Luna’s gaze soften.
"What are you going to do, Celly?" Luna asked, her eyes crinkled with worry. Celestia looked up at her sister, looking lost she only shook her head. Not knowing where to begin.
"Why would she even leave her world to begin with? I don't understand any of this, Luna. Does parentage not transfer over? Does she not know who I am? Why would she choose to be homeless when all she had to do was ask for help? It's been months since the truth came out, she should have come to me." Celestia asked as she ran her hands through her pastel hair, nothing in her life makes since. Luna moved across the room and sunk down into the chair normally reserved for delinquent students or irate parents. She leaned across the desk and clasped her sister's hands, squeezing them reassuringly.
"I cannot answer your questions, Celly. There's only one person that can, and she is currently in advanced chemistry."
"You want me to confront Sunset with this?" Celestia arched an eyebrow at her sister, her stomach fluttered with anxiety at the thought.
"Celestia, something has to happen. Either you speak to her and offer her a place to live or turn her over to the authorities. Keep in mind that if they run her information it would come back to you regardless. They would be rather confused on why Sunset Shimmer has a death certificate. You may even share the same blood; we don't know how far the similarities go." Luna sat back in the chair; it wasn't often that she had to be her sisters voice of reason. "I know this is drudging up bad memories, Celly. But you must deal with this. If anything, think of Sunset, it is nearly Christmas break and as far as we are concerned, she will be without food, water, and heat for the next four weeks. We have a responsibility to her regardless." Celestia thought over Luna's words for a long moment before giving a jerky nod. She sat up straight in her chair and squared her shoulders.
"I will speak to her. Would you please send for her?" Luna gave her hand one more squeeze and offered Celestia a warm smile before rising from her seat.
"Of course, do you want me to be here for your talk?" Celestia shook her head and pushed away from her desk to an electric tea kettle in the corner of the room.
"No, one of us needs to be available if something comes up. I have a feeling that this will take the rest of the morning." Celestia answered as she stared out the office window at the frosted football field, the falling snow doing nothing to calm her nerves.
"I'll go and get her." Celestia merely nodded as she continued to stare out the window as she waited for her water to boil.
Sunset Shimmer moved through the halls of Canterlot High nervously. She hadn't been called to Principal Celestia's office in months, not since she tried to destroy the school. What could the Principal possibly want with her? All too soon the offices came into view and Principal Celestia’s secretary waved her on through. Nearly as soon as she knocked on the heavy wooden door Celestia called for her to enter. Sunset hesitated slightly before pushing the door open. Finding the Principal sitting calmly at her desk, smiling softly at her.
“Please have a seat.” Celestia watched as Sunset hurried across the office and dropped down into the chair, placing her bag on the floor at her feet. “I was hoping that we could have a little chat.” Sunset gulped slightly and focused her gaze on the numerous diplomas and awards hanging on the wall behind the Principals desk. Celestia paused, studying the clearly nervous girl.
“Umm, am I in trouble?” Sunset asked after a moment, shifting nervously in her seat. Celestia gave her a small smile and shook her head, pleased as some of the tension left the girls shoulders.
“Not at all. I only wished to speak with you.” Celestia assured her as she raised her teacup to her lips, taking a comforting sip. “I have some questions about the…. Horse World.” Celestia wasn’t expecting Sunset to laugh.
“We are Ponies, not horses. Well technically we are horses, but we refer to ourselves as Ponies. What do you want to know? I’m kinda surprised you haven’t asked sooner.” Sunset smiled as the butterflies in her stomach dissipated. Relaxing into the chair she brought her gaze back to her teacher.
“I was wondering what my counterpart is like?” Celestia asked softly, watching Sunset for any sort of reaction. Almost on cue the girl stiffened and sat up a little straighter. “If it’s not too much to ask…” Sunset shook her head and took a calming breath.
“N-No, it’s alright. This was bound to come up eventually, you have a right to be curious after everything I’ve done. After everything I exposed you too.” Sunset voice only wavered slightly as she frowned heavily. Shuffling her feet in discomfort.
“You needn’t feel guilty, Sunset. You have been forgiven.” Celestia smiled warmly at her and Sunset felt her chest tighten.
“The Celestia from my world is also a teacher.” Sunset stammered, wondering just how much she should divulge.
“Oh, what subject? I started my career teaching literature.” Celestia leaned forward, clearly interested.
“Advanced magical theory and application.” Sunset suppressed a small smile at the deadpan expression on the older woman’s face. “She has her own school for gifted unicorns.” Sunset sighed slightly at the memories of her own time at the school.
“Her own school?” Celestia asked with wide eyes and Sunset nodded wearily.
“Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. The most elite school in all of Equestria. Ran by Princess Celestia herself.” Sunset mumbled bitterly.
“Princess?” Sunset looked up to find Celestia gaping at her slightly and couldn’t help but smile slightly.
“Yeah, she's an all-powerful alicorn, she has the magic of every pony tribe. Unicorn, Earth Pony, and Pegasi. She is thousands of years old and she rules over Equestria along with her sister, Princess Luna. I’ve never met Princess Luna, she was banished for a thousand years and only just returned. Princess Twilight told me about her on her last visit. Oh, and Princess Celestia has the power to control the sun while Luna controls the moon.” Sunset finished with a shrug, clearly not comfortable with the topic.
“A-alright then. That was unexpected… and did you know the Princess? Personally, I mean.” Sunset sighed and dropped her gaze to the floor wishing that the Principal would ask anything else but that.
“She was my teacher, I was her protégé. I tried to usurp her, that’s why I came here. I failed and escaped through the portal. I betrayed her.” Celestia fought off the urge to embrace the girl.
“What about your family?” Celestia asked gently, watching as Sunset wiped a few tears from her face. She suddenly looked exhausted and immensely vulnerable.
“I don’t have a family. My mother placed me in an orphanage where I stayed until I became the princess's student.” She murmured, wrapping her arms around herself protectively.
“I only have one more question, I am sorry for upsetting you. Would you like a cup of tea?” Sunset gave a shaky nod and waited patiently as Celestia fixed her a cup, grateful to have something to do with her hands. “Is our world completely parallel to theirs?” She asked as she handed Sunset a cup of steaming tea, her hands shaking slightly. Sunset frowned at the question.
“As far as I know it is. Why?” Celestia hesitated slightly.
“If I had a daughter in this world would she be my daughter in your world?” She asked softly, gazing intently at Sunset.
“Well yes. Princess Twilight confirmed that when she met Applejacks and Pinkie Pies families. You have a daughter? Princess Celestia never once mentioned that.” Celestia swallowed deeply in an attempt to remove the lump growing in her throat. She opened her top desk drawer and pulled out a well-loved photo, sliding it across the lacquered desktop towards Sunset. The girl curiously took the offered picture and almost immediately felt her blood run cold. The girl in the picture couldn’t have been more than ten. Her red and yellow stripped hair was pulled back into a ponytail while her cyan eyes shone with happiness. Celestia and Luna were both kneeling beside her and they appeared to be camping.
“My Sunset died when she was eight.” Celestia said sadly as Sunset continued to stare at the picture in shock.
“Are you saying that Princess Celestia is my mother?” Anger laced Sunsets voice as she looked back up at the Principal. She had to keep telling herself that the woman in front of her isn’t the same as the mare she left behind. That there would be no use in yelling at her.
“It would seem that way. Although I don’t know why she would give you away…”
“Because she only cares about herself! There’s no possible way that she is my mother! You are not my mother!” She yelled, pushing herself out of the chair and dropping the picture back on Celestia’s desk before storming from the office. Completely forgetting her bag in the process.
###
Sunset walked aimlessly thorough the halls, the initial anger fading away into shock, confusion, and guilt. Surely Principal Celestia was mistaken! Her Celestia never had children, somepony in the castle would have had to of seen. And that most definitely would have made the papers. And why would she give her up only to take her back on as a student eight years later? None of it made sense. Unfortunately, the only pony with the answers was the one pony she absolutely did not want to see. Perhaps she can just ignore this for now? There was no need to speak about the matter with either Celestia, she was happy with how things were. She doesn’t need a mother or family. She has taken care of herself for years and she will continue to do so. Wiping away the few tears that had fallen she headed back to class.
So far so good, thou I'm sure this is going to eat at Sunset, and if Princess celestia was Sunset's mother by blood. well those ties are gone, now and forever!
What the flimsy excuse she has for this?
Hmmm, this sounds like it'll be interesting. Sunset being Celly's daughter is a fairly well trodden trope, but one with plenty of story potential. I think I'll be keeping an eye on this.
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I highly doubt the ties are severed forever. It makes sense why Princess Celestia would give up her child, a unplanned child likely father by some random royal Guard she didn't have a proper courtship with, or worse a on night stand? The kind of chaotic life of the child of the defacto Queen would be like? Always used as a political pawn, always the target of assissination attempts, kidnapping plots? Never having time to spend with the child? It would be heart breaking, stressful to the child, giving her upbto lead a"normal life" is just the sort of thing Celestia would do, figuratively tearing out her own heart in the process. Knowing she can never be the mother she wants to be. Never give her daughter all the affection her heart tells her to. Celestia has ruled for thousands of years, was forced to banish her own sister, place lives of her subjects in danger because of her precognition, send soldiers to war, she has had to place the good of all of Equestria over her own needs. Who would want to place that on a child unless they absolutely had no choice in the matter? Why wouldn't a smart girl like Sunset understand that eventualy?
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Okay not game of thrones, while Celestia could have a good reason the problem is she failed sunset a person with a good childhood doesn't act like how sunset acted, really watch the mlp movie sunset felt extremely alone and just couldn't connect emotionality with others. Her child hood would have to been extremely lonely for her to develop that way. So Celestia failed her in every way it doesn't matter what her reason is because her daughter wasn't happy.
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I'm sorry it still sounds like excuses, and there could been plenty of chances to reconnect with Sunset if this follows Canon, and gone pass the memory stone...
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I don't see things being thrown away so easily. The reconciliation won't be simple, more do I expect Celestia considers the decision a good one. It's easy to judge the past from the present. It's easy to know the consequences after they happen.
Yeah, scenarios where Celestia is someone's biological mother, most often Twilight or Sunset, and then takes them in after a while just reek of Celestia trying to have her cake and eat it too. With Sunset it's typically worse since she's normally forced to live in an orphanage only to be taken in by someone who doesn't explicitly adopt her. At least with Sunset being a normal orphan that Celestia, she didn't set out to be Sunset's mother, even if Celestia has to be pretty emotionally stupid/scarred for her not to know that she has become a mother in all but name to Sunset. With both sides placing expectation on the other that neither can meet leads to the disaster of Celestia banishing Sunset that ends their relationship. With Sunset being her actually daughter makes Celestia REALLY bad because it shows she thinks she can abandon and take Sunset back whenever it pleases her.
You may wanna learning how to use apostrophes. Other than that, pretty good so far
Good start. Can't wait to read more.
Speaking of, my readers are waiting for me to finish the next chapter of my fic. Time go back to writing.
Good start. Needs a bit of cleaning with the punctuations, as well as the spacing.
To be fair to both of them, the worlds aren't entirely 1:1. Flurry Heart doesn't exist (yet) in humanland, the principals aren't thousands of years old, little differences.
I like the premise, but the story needs a bit of clean up. You use a lot of exposition (telling) rather than showing. I feel like you could really rework this chapter and make it better. Celestia/Sunset family relationships are always fun to read.
I think it reads really good and I'll be looking forward to keep reading!
Only found two typos:
That should be Principal and none. And there's three weird double spaces, one which may indicate a scene change. If the latter is the case, I recommend changing it to a horisontal line or ... to make it more clear.
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Thanks for the tip! I'll definitely work on that.
I think you need to do more show and less tell.
The idea is good, but you drop details instead of letting the characters express them in an organic way.
But still, good start.
This story is a bit fast paced, in my opinion,as if it rules out the deeper details behind the each characters stories, even Sunset's storming is a bit fast for me
Nonetheless, this is a good story, it holds potential and I love to see more of it
She Is Why I Drink
Followed, liked and Sooner this updates the better shelf
Also, Celestia's Little Shop of Horrors
Okay, lots of little typos which I've posted below for your editing pleasure. The main ones seem to be not using apostrophes and using a period instead of a comma to separate things like {"Sentence," she said.}. Maybe use something different for scene breaks, right now it just looks like several empty spaces. Hmm, and yeah, perhaps slow down a bit. Not trying to knock you, this story has promise and I'd still read it even with these issues. These are just the simple fixes you can do to make the story better.
out Sunsets file - out Sunset's file
makes since - makes sense
her sisters hands - her sister's hands
her sisters voice - her sister's voice
Celestia have her - Celestia gave her
herself.” Sunset mumbled - herself,” Sunset mumbled
“Yeah, shes an - “Yeah, she's an
Oh and Princess Celestia - Oh, and Princess Celestia
unexpected…and - unexpected… and
the princesses student.” - the princess' student.”
was eight.” Celestia said - was eight,” Celestia said
the a Principle. - the Principle.
would have had to seen. - would have had to have seen.
Non of it - None of it
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I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say it was for some asinine reason like "protecting Sunset from her enemies" or "shielding her from being used as a pawn by the nobles"... Just, ouch, this version of the Princess is stupid as hell. After what happened with Luna, then Sunset, then there was how she handled Twilight. Ya know, constantly pushing her into dangerous situations, never giving her info, and then turning her back on her at the Royal Wedding? Instead of the others making mistakes, maybe it's Princess Celestia with the problem.
Seriously, being an orphan sucks enough as it is, but to be told that your parent actually gave you up? That'd make a child feel lower than trash. As the story progresses I could totally see Principle Celestia wanting to slap her alternate self for so casually throwing away her daughter. Twice it would seem.
I can see how that revelation would come as a bad shock. Kinda surprised she didn’t go through the portal on a warpath.
I’ll be keeping an eye on this one. Please, keep writing this.
Very interesting, I always find stories that involve the Equestria Girls version of Sunset neat.
My only advice when it comes to writing is take things at your own pace, never rush to finish a chapter. Make sure every scene is the way you want it before moving and never be afraid to go back and change things if you have a new idea.
Most importantly, remember to have fun. If you're feeling stressed or get stuck on a part there's nothing wrong with taking a little break to clear your head.
Keep up the good work. I'll patiently wait for the next chapter.
so far so good. Can't tell you how fast the red flags went up when I read the words winter break but, then I re-read and saw this is after the games so the events of that comic might of already happened. All in all interesting take and it has bugged me how Sunny doesn't seem to have a double. few errors here and there but that okay no one's perfect not even me. Keep up the good work and take it at your own pace.
For your first try, you're doing great. This is extremely interesting. There were a few minor errors here and there, but you'll probably learn over time. Keep it up
well you have managed to capture my attention with a simple idea and a well executed first chapter I cant wait to see where things go from here. will the principle be getting a new daughter and how will this revelation effect poor sunsets psyche
Good intro chapter. You've got my attention!
It has a couple typos, but nothing major. The biggest issue you have is staying in a consistent tense. Your writing is mostly past tense, but then occasionally shifts to present. Read through with an eye for correcting for that and you'll do great.
Congratulations on publishing your first story on the site! I don't really have much to add to what everyone else is said, but I found it helpful to get at least one proofreader who can offer corrections and feedback for future chapters.
Still, you've got a solid idea, and it seems to have attracted some attention. Nice going!
Tracking. I do love a good Celestia as Sunset's Mother fic
She’s. Also all-powerful.
Other than that can’t wait to see where this goes.
So far I'm liking it. Rare is the story with Celestia and Sunset as the focus.
Lot if potential. Look forward to see how you go about this.
You have certainly gotten my attention with this interesting start to a story.
I hoping that this is one minor difference between the world were in EQG one she is Celestia’s daughter but in Equestria she isn’t actually her biological daughter but was in the process of finalising adopting her before they broke apart. At least I hope it’s something like this as is seems cruel for Princess Celestia to abandon her daughter and then to just pick her up later and not a say anything.
Some pony hasn't realized the implication of being a "live" ringer for a dead child yet. Especially if the police were to pick her up for vagrancy, and trespassing.
...
Questions would be asked.
On a more serious note, if Princess Celestia is The Mother of Sunset Shimmer, then Sunset could have been placed in the Orphanage as a means to hide/protect her from Investigators (good or bad), popperazzi, or ponies trying to use her against the Princess, until Sunset's Identity could be officially established as Some Pony Else.
Sadly, Royals can not just live their own lives. Celestia has tried, and in at least one world they built a palace around her, when she was grieving on a mountain side.
Can't wait to see what happens next
Others have already noted the typos, so I won't harp on them. You could use a few extra proofreading runs. Aside from that, I am a sucker for Principal Momlestia and hope to see this go on. :)
More
CANT WAIT FOR MORE
Interesting premise, but it needs polish. There are a lot of typos and the pacing is rather fast.
I do hope you'll continue though, and I hope Princess Celestia has a justifiable reason for abandoning Sunset Shimmer.
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Theres no justifiable reason that Sunset should have been abandoned. It wouldn't have been hard to hide Sunset from the nobility and public until she was ready, she could've raised Sunset herself lmao.
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The story already set up that Celestia is the Biological mother of Sunset in equestria as well as familial ties are completely the same.
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Not to mention that the person that gave you up is someone you are really close to and already know.