An error in the universe is caused. What do you expect? A undertale game with ponys? Nah, here you will find a gamer with a undertale character.
This is a story that takes undertale, the royal gamer, and mush them together.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 10th Mar, 2020
- offline last seen Tuesday
Nightmare_Me
I like SCP, FNAF, Mlp, BaTIM, D&D and Undertale. I use Grammarly a lot and I am solo author with 1 crossover so far.
Nightmare_Me
Joined 10th Mar, 2020 ·
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This is not bad.
You made a story about angel backstory not many people do this but it very good
Didn’t you already upload this earlier?
10238537
No I did not.
I posted it late at night.
This is a good start, but I would get better cover art asap. It makes the story look low quality at first glance
Ok
I'd say that this story has potential. However it feels extremely rushed and there are some spelling and grammatical errors, these things tend to throw readers out of their immersion. Not to mention I had to read this a few times before I had a clear picture of what is going on. Characters seem flat to me.
I say that placing your character in the shoes of Angel bunny as her guardian angel(pun on so many levels please stab me) is an interesting concept. I'm not sure if I ever read Angel bunny ever being used this way.
You should take time to flesh out your world and characters. Set the stage by describing the environment, in this case what your character's senses pick up. Having him interact with your setting provides insight for your protagonist's character. Describe the way other characters act and how they react to your protagonist's actions.
I advise that you spend time reading more stories. You seem to be a fairly new writer. Try to learn as much as you can from more experienced authors, by reading their works you'll gain a lot of insight into the do's and don't of writing. And the most important thing is that you keep writing!
Also I'm sorry.... But in my head I'm hearing this whole story in text-to-speech.
Thank you for the feedback!
10242258
it is not pony words because my character is not a pony, he is a skeleton like undertale sans
That is why he is angle bunny!
any idea when we can expect an update and new chapter?
10314002
Give a from 10 Jul to 17 Jul.
Sorry but just got a fever and sore throat I think the chapters will be delayed a bit.