A brony who loves stories mainly ones with Fluttershy, Sunset Shimmer, Discord, Applejack, Luna, Starlight Glimmer, Trixie and Pinkie Pie
An alternate universe where sunset is an element of harmony the seven have many adventures and learn of new places and new creatures they meet many foes and show many skills learning from each other as they go about their days. Keep in mind in this universe Sunset was never Celestia's student She has lived in Ponyville all her life.
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Excited for next chapters
10211462
Working on it in my head I want to do the episode Dragonshy but I'm having trouble coming up with ideas for conversations between Sunset and the other ponies if you have any suggestions I'm all ears.
10211849
Maybe you could have Sunset help Fluttershy overcome the obstacles more than the others did in the episode.
10212617
I have that covered remember Sunset reads minds nonstop so she would know of Fluttershys fear so she would talk with the others about it I just need to figure out what she could say got get her to go with them.
1. You have almost nothing but runoff sentences. Just the first sentence at the start of this could be broken down into three sentences.
2. There are a bunch of typos.
3. There are no transitions between scenes.
4. You don't skip a line after dialogue before clarifying whose talking.
Example: "That was fun!" Pinkie exclaimed. (Correct)
"That was fun!"
Pinkie exclaimed. (Incorrect)
I suggest coming back to this to give it a serious editing overhaul, but aside from that, I like the idea here. If you work on the execution I think it will make the production of future chapters a lot easier.
10491106
Thanks for pointing those out I had a feeling I had made some mistakes I'll correct those when I get the chance looking foreword to seeing more chapters for The First Star of Twilight.