27. The Awakening of Rainbow Part 2
Chapter 27- The Awakening of Rainbow Part 2
The nurses opened the door to find Rainbow staring blankly at the ceiling. Dash allowed them to check her vital signs and perform whatever procedures they needed to release her from the hospital. In short order, they declared her healthy and sent her on her way with Mac by her side. The train ride back to Ponyville was nothing like the one she remembered. Occasionally, she'd look over to Mac in the seat opposite her. He'd smile at her, but it was that fake smile he'd given her on the cab ride to the hospital.
Rainbow didn't have it in her to confront Mac with all she knew had gone on between them. This was all so real, but she knew her memories were as well. She found herself questioning which reality was the one she belonged in. She knew she'd married Mac. She knew he'd given her a foal, and she knew she had been in Ponyville hospital a scant few hours ago to deliver it!
Before she knew it, the train had screeched to a halt at Ponyville station. Applejack was there to greet them as they disembarked.
"Well howdy, you two! Ah understand y'all had a few encounters with some legless critters out on the range?" she asked jokingly, though laughter was the farthest thing from Rainbow's mind.
"Eeyup, we had a few encounters, but we both ended up savin' each other's hides," Mac replied, nudging Rainbow playfully.
She was barely there. In her heart, Rainbow couldn't shake the feeling that everything she'd experienced had been real. It had to have been! "Y-yeah... I guess we did..." she mumbled.
"RD, you feelin' okay?" Applejack raised an eyebrow.
She drew her gaze from her hooves to her best friend's emerald eyes. Should she pour her soul out now? In public? Or would they just think she's crazy? Dash decided to hold her tongue. Mac gave the sack of bits they'd earned to Applejack as she took a peek into the pile of coins.
"Welp, even though you lost the cattle, ya did get the money, so Ah suppose you're off the hook for the windows, Rainbow," Applejack said happily.
"Yeah..." she muttered.
"You sure you're feelin' okay?" Applejack asked.
Rainbow put on a normal face and tried her best to fake sincerity. "Yeah! I'm fine, just tired," she lied. "I... I just need some rest," she added through a nervous laugh. "See you guys later!"
Without another word, she took off toward her house, nearly flying to Sweet Apple Acres before realizing her floating home was still in its old spot above the meadows outside Ponyville. She reached her porch in record time. Instantly, she noticed no Wonderbolts acceptance letter waiting for her, no new Stunt Fliers Monthly announcing the open slots for fresh Wonderbolts, and most importantly, no rope ladder hanging from the side of her house.
Dash opened her front door and stepped inside, the familiar scent of old takeout boxes and general slovenliness greeting her as she entered. This was old Rainbow's life. Old Rainbow's living room. This was not the mare she had become. In her heart, she knew something was not right, and she would prove it. Rainbow darted to her room and retrieved her father's locket. She flipped it over, rubbing a hoof across the inscription.
"Don't let the bastards grind you down," she said to herself. "Don't worry Dad, I won't."
Rainbow rocketed off her porch and towards Twilight's house. There just had to be a way to remind her friends of everything she knew had happened between them. In no time, Dash found herself crashing through Twilight's window, startling both her and Spike.
"Rainbow!" she gasped, re-stacking the books she'd knocked over in fright. "I guess you're feeling better?"
Dash ignored her question, brushing herself off and fluttering her wings before folding them neatly. Without saying a word, Rainbow removed her locket and held it out to Twilight.
"Haven't we been through this once already?"
Rainbow fought the urge to scream 'duh!' in Twilight's face. "Yeah, you and my husband translated it for me as a gift!" Dash spat. Twilight recoiled at her outburst.
"Uh... Spike, would you mind going outside for a moment?" With a silent nod, Spike made himself scarce. "Rainbow, you know you don't have a husband, right?"
Rainbow closed her eyes, teeth gritted as she sucked in a deep breath through her teeth. "Yes. I. Do." Dash opened her eyes, her wings fluttering in frustration. "Mac is my husband, and you were at my wedding!" She stomped her hooves in anger. "Look at this!" She thrust the locket into Twilight's hooves.
She looked down at the locket in her hoof. The inscription shone back at her. "Rainbow... I don't know what this says. Please, you just need rest; the doctor said you'd feel better after you got some sleep."
Rainbow snatched the locket and threw it around her neck. "Twilight, I don't need any—" she paused. "How would you know what the doctor said?"
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "It's just good advice, Rainbow. You can use my bed, if you want." Something about her tone didn't sit right with her. "I'm sure you'll feel better after you take a nap."
Rainbow shook her head. "No, screw that, and screw your naps! I'm going to see Mac!" Before Twilight could get another word in, Dash left through the same window she'd entered.
Mac, I gotta find Mac!
She tore through the skies as the apple orchards popped over the horizon. Rainbow streamlined herself, pushing her top speed ever faster before slamming into the dirt in front of their farmhouse.
"For Pete's sake, Rainbow!" Applejack shouted. The impact of her landing had knocked the mug of cider from her grasp. "You tryin' ta bust our windows again?"
Dash strode out of her crater no worse for wear. "Where's Mac? I need to talk to him."
Applejack stepped off her porch. "Hold on there, partner, he told me about your delusions and such," she said shaking a hoof between them. "If you're still on this whole 'Mac's my husband' kick, ya need ta get over it." Rainbow stared at her in disbelief, even though by this point she should have expected such a response. Instead of arguing, she decided to play their doubt to her advantage.
"It's not about that... it's just... I never really thanked him for dragging me across the desert." Rainbow shuffled her hooves and blushed. It seemed she was a better actress than she thought.
"Oh! Well that's mighty decent of ya Rainbow, Ah'm sure he'd love ta hear that," Applejack replied, her tone shifting dramatically. "He's in the barn, but uh, before ya do that..." She adjusted the brim of her hat and a shadow fell across her face. "Ya look mighty tired; maybe you'd feel better after ya took a nap."
Dash took a step back. "No, I'm okay... maybe after," Dash said. Without another word, Rainbow took off toward the barn, determined to confront Mac with everything she knew. Even if Mac refuted her every claim, she craved closure. Even though everything around her told her she was crazy, a voice in the back of her mind would not let what she knew in her heart to be true die.
She landed near the barn doors. The musty scent of hay and stored farm equipment greeted her, as did a stallion just finishing up his chores. "Oh, hello, Rainbow," Mac said. He seemed nervous. He glanced at her before turning back to organizing his tools. "Ah guess you're feelin' a bit better?"
Rainbow took a deep breath. "Mac. There's something I need to say to you."
Mac's ears flicked toward her, though he kept himself facing away. "Uh... alright then, but if this is about—"
"Just shut up for a second, Mac!" Wow, I never thought I'd have to say that sentence and mean it. Mac turned toward her as she held her ground in the sunlight outside the barn. "After you hear me out, you can call me crazy or whatever it is you want to do, just... will you listen to me?"
Mac's expression softened. With a deep thump, he fell to his haunches in front of Rainbow. "Okay, what is it you want ta tell me?"
Rainbow steeled herself, looking into the same emerald eyes she'd lost herself in on their wedding day. "Mac, I know you think I'm crazy, but I swear, you and I are married. I carried your foal for eleven months, I sat on the bench after becoming a Wonderbolt just to make sure nothing bad happened to our son! His name is Zap, Macintosh. Zap Apple. He's your son, and you promised me when you took me into the delivery room that nothing bad was going to happen!"
Mac maintained his silence. Rainbow knew that if she was truly stuck in this world as she seemed to be, then his answer would be as predictable as the sunrise. "I love you Mac, and you love me. At least... you used to." Tears began to swell in the corners of her eyes as she pleaded wordlessly for him to somehow recover the memories only she seemed to posses.
"Rainbow... Ah don't know how else ta tell you this, but all of that was in your head. None of those things have ever happened. Ah mean... Ah suppose Ah'm flattered you think Ah'd make a good husband, but Ah don't think Ah'm ready to be tied down."
Dash worked her mouth in disbelief. Of course he was ready to be tied down! He proposed to her! Twice!
"Besides Rainbow, no offense or nothin', but Ah got dreams and aspirations that'd be just ruined if I had to become a father. And... do ya really think you're the motherin' type?"
The very question stung her heart like angry hornets. How could he say that? He was the one who convinced her she'd be a great mother! It was from him that she had gained the confidence to know that she'd be one of the best moms in all of Equestria! Something was not right about this Macintosh.
"Of course I am! How can you even say that?" Rainbow growled, more hurt than angry.
"Well, you're a Wonderbolt, are you really gonna give up the dream you've had since you were a filly just to raise a child? Or will you travel with the team, doin' shows all over the world, globetrottin' from place to place in between the wild parties and big payouts? What matters more to you? Your ego, or Zap?"
Rainbow stood in stunned silence. This whole conversation was taking a weird turn, though she couldn't deny a place in her heart still beat for the glory to be earned as a Wonderbolt. "I-I can do both!"
"Can you? You can barely take care of a tortoise, and you think you've got what it takes to raise a foal?" Mac replied, his sharp gaze never lifting from her as she avoided his eyes. "You'll be just like your mother. Zap'll fall to me to raise, and you know Ah'll do it because he's my son. And as he grows up, you'll miss the first time he walks on a cloud, the first time he sees Cloudsdale. And who knows, maybe when you do finally get tired of livin' the selfish life you think you deserve, he won't even call you momma, because he won't recognize you."
Dash gritted her teeth. The hurt was long gone, replaced by a furious burning in her heart. "You son of a bitch. I'd give up everything for you and Zap!" she snarled, charging Macintosh as he kept his seat. Rainbow raised a hoof and closed her eyes, intending to strike Mac across the jaw. As her hoof launched forward, the contact she expected never came. She found herself off balance as she opened her eyes.
Mac had vanished! She whipped her head around, searching for him. "Mac? Mac!" she shouted, but no response came. It seemed as though she would be stuck in a world ripped away from the one where she'd found true happiness. She grabbed her locket and yanked it, shattering the gold chain as she threw it to the ground in anger.
As it hit the stone floor of the barn, it popped open. Rainbow gasped. Inside the locket, instead of the picture of herself and her father, a picture of herself and Macintosh on their wedding day sat in its place. She scooped up the shattered piece of jewelry and cradled it as her vision began to blur.
"What... what does this mean?" she asked aloud.
"It means that thou hast finally given up all doubt about the path thou hast chosen."
Rainbow looked up from her hooves and saw Princess Luna standing before the barn doors. Night had fallen, and the light of her silver moon shone brightly behind her as the ruler of the night shone with a nearly blinding aura. "P-princess Luna?" Dash stammered. "Does that mean... this is just a dream?"
"It is a construct of thy mind, yes. But thy struggle? It was very real indeed," she replied, stepping closer.
"So... you put me under? While I was having my foal?!" Dash shouted, relief being replaced by outrage. "Do you even know how reckless that is? What if something happened to Zap?!"
Princess Luna stepped beside her and sat on the loose hay littering the floor. "No, my dear Rainbow Dash, it was not We who brought you here. Time and again, however, thou hast proven yourself as steadfast as the Element you bear. A great and evil tide is rising, one that will test not only thee, but thy husband, thy friends, and indeed, my sister and I."
"So... none of this is real, right? I'm still at the hospital in Ponyville?"
Luna smiled, her ethereal mane billowing in an unfelt wind. "Yes, my dear. When the signs around thee all pointed down a false path, thou listened to thy heart and chose the true way home. Had thou slept at anytime during this ordeal, thou might never have woken up." Rainbow felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from her heart. It was a joy only rivaled by her acceptance into the Wonderbolts, or the day she married Mac.
Rainbow put a hoof to her chin, her tears now dry on her cheeks. "So that's why everyone wanted me to take a nap..." Dash got to her hooves as the princess followed suit. "But, how do I get out of here? I want to see Zap and Mac!"
Princess Luna trotted to the barn doors, standing between them as she looked over her shoulder. "Thou must go to sleep."
"But you just told me not to!" Rainbow shot back, running for the barn doors, though they seemed to stay the same distance away no matter how fast she ran.
"Rainbow Dash, how can one wake from a dream if they are not asleep?" With that, she slammed the barn doors closed, and Rainbow's world faded into darkness once more.
"...your eyes. Did you hear that?"
Someone was speaking, but she had no idea who the voice belonged to. It was far too muffled for her to recognize. Her legs tingled as the numbness in her limbs slowly receded. A warmth filled the void where the coldness had resided. She could feel her lungs pulling in air, the touch of the blanket over her body, and somepony... holding her hoof. She felt her eyelids twitch before cracking slightly. White light poured into her sensitive retinas, and she shut them tightly. It was then she realized that the voice belonged to Mac.
"He's a pegasus. Ah know you wanted to wait until we had him to find out, but he was flappin' them wings just as soon as he took his first breath."
Something odd about his tone... was he... crying? Macintosh Apple? The very idea unnerved her. She moved her hoof as she opened her eyes. Mac was holding it in both hooves, his muzzle against her hoof as he lifted his head. "R-rainbow?"
Dash couldn't say a word, but the joy on Mac's face said more than she ever could. He stood from his chair at her bedside and threw his forelegs around her as she returned the hug. "Ah'm so glad you're okay," he whispered.
"I'm just happy to be back." She could feel Mac chuckle as he pulled back from the hug.
"Didja go somewhere?" he asked, wiping his eyes as his tears dried up.
"I don't wanna talk about it. Now, where's my kid?" Rainbow asked impatiently.
Mac settled back on his hooves. "Hang on, Ah'll get him." Dash watched as her husband hurried out the door and into the hallway, nearly knocking over an orderly carrying dinner trays. Rainbow grinned as she looked out of her window. It was dark, a crescent moon hung brightly in the sky.
Rainbow couldn't help but smile to herself. After all, she'd seen what her life could have been like. She came face to face with the voice in her head still tying her to her brash, unimpeded ambition and triumphed over it.
The opening door of her hospital room drew her gaze away from the window. Mac pushed a small cart inside the hospital room followed by a nurse and a whole assembly of her friends and family. It was a bit overwhelming to see everyone at once, though Rainbow couldn't help but smile.
Mac silently pushed the cart next to her bed. Inside, an electric yellow colt wrapped tightly in swaddling clothes with holes for his wings lay asleep. Rainbow put a hoof across her foal's cheek and stroked it softly. The colt yawned, eyes fluttering open before attempting to eat his mother's hoof.
Her friends and family crowded around her as Rainbow felt a few tears slip past her usually well-trained eyes. For once, she didn't mind crying in front of her friends. "He's got my appetite."
The rest of the visit carried on into the early morning. Mothers, grandmothers, and even great-grandmothers all had their chance to get a look at the newly arrived 'future Wonderbolt'—as Rainbow had taken to calling him. Rainbow was in the hospital for a few more days with Mac by her side. While there, she entertained friends, co-workers, and even a visit from royalty.
On the day of her discharge, quite a large encampment of paparazzi had gathered outside the hospital. "Looks like we're gonna have to fly the gauntlet to get to the cab..." Rainbow moaned, staring out of her window at the camerponies below, just itching to be the first one to sell their photo of a celebrity child.
"Actually, I called in a favor to take care of that," Mac said, opening the window of her hospital room and whistling loudly. A chariot pulled by Luna's night guard hustled around the corner and hovered next to her room on the third floor.
"And how did you get Princess Luna to let you borrow her night guard?" Rainbow asked incredulously.
"She just likes me Ah guess." Mac smiled.
"You're getting better with the jokes," Dash admitted as Mac helped her into the chariot while she carried Zap in a foal-carrying saddlebag.
"Ready to go home, Rainbow?" Mac asked. She gave him a quick peck on the lips.
"More than ever."
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Well, let's see. I've had this one idea for how to improve this story. Let me lay it out...
and 
Instead of this:
You should've gone with
and maybe even thrown in a little
Yeah. That would fix this right up.
My work here is done.
Step 1: more watermelon
Dreams are weird.
Huh. Good thing I postponed the plans to murder you until after the new chapter came out. Well played, good sir, well played.
Keep up the awesomeness!
Legion
Maximus you magnificent bastard. I was actually worried there for a moment.
Step 2: More Twilight
2488964
Excuse me?
Obviously this story needs to be about
2488974
No, less watermelon!
2489020
I must've just jumped the gun. It's just so painfully obvious. For shame...
2489033 no , with less watermelon we would be at 0 watermelon and that would be a crime against nature
You magnificent bastard you! Well played.
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110213225547/evangelion/es/images/d/d2/Gendo.jpg
Well played good sir. I hate you for ripping my hear out and making it explode. But then you pulled a meet the medic and shoved a mega baboon heart in. As long as you don't shove in a pigeon as well I think everything is fine now.
... D'aww...
Well played sir....well played.
Good. I don't have to kill anyone. Glad it was only a dream
You are redeemed.
Constructive criticism ahoy! Since you asked for it.
After Rainbow got off the train until after the brief confrontation with Twi part of the chapter came off more that bits were /missing/ rather than it was all a dream sequence. Making it clearer before skipping around, as dreams are wont to do, that it is a dream will avoid momentary confusion in readers. In particular these two lines are the most egregious as they come out of nowhere.
Up to this point its hinted that /something/ is up, but it could be one of many things. Dreams, in specific, aren't hinted at besides the title. Essentially, the impression is more that there has been a formatting error and not that it was intended. Part of it is that you played the end of the previous chapter and the start of this one very straight faced. The characters, even Rainbow, is shown to believe that the dream is real, and Rainbow is having a psychotic break of some-sort. A few lines about certain things being 'fuzzy', sounds, the faces of random ponies, Rainbow arriving at places with seemingly no time passing (turning around and she goes from train to her house say), coupled with Rainbow herself not noticing this descripency beyond an impression and making it clear to the reader what's happening.
Just my two bits since you asked for constructive criticism.
Oh thank god!! <3
2488964
No offense, but why??? I like the story with it being a MacDash fic, those are rare and this one is a damn diamond
!!!
2489189
I sincerely hope that you are being just as ironic as I was. In case you didn't know, I'm one of the editors for the story, and I list it in my top five favorite ship fics that I've read. (You can check my page to verify that if you really want to.)
But when Bronious asks for something like that... well, let's just say that I try to live up to my name.
Is an alternate-reality theory still on the table? Potential sequel material?
2489233
I apologize, I have a really bad habit of commenting before knowing all the facts and making a sound contribution, thus making this pegasus completely
at times. Reading it w/o seeing it as sarcasm made me rage from the previous chapter, and I took it literally.
Carry on.
Wow, so it actually was an alternate reality. Wasn't quite sure which of my theories was going to come up as correct, so I laid back and waited. My first vote was that it was all just an overly elaborate prank.
As far as ideas go, I'd have to see the next installment's setup to see what would be effective. There's quite a few ways to set up a story, and this did the job fairly well.
Somehow, I expected it was only a dream. Something about the confrontation with Bic Mac clued me in and made me 100% certain.
I'm just curious as to what would cause her to go unconscious mid-childbirth in the first place.
I ain't even mad.
Eh. You did go for the cliche. A set up for the third installment then I suppose, so at least it was not done just to piss of your readers. I assume the scene with Luna will be further explained later on then, but in my opinion the story could only benefit if a bit more was explained in this chapter. All we get know is Luna saying "Good you didn't lose your loyalty or listen to the dream ponies, I didn't bring you here and something bad is about to happen." We don't know anything about this dreamworld and its inhabitants, we don't even know if Luna knows anything about it. If you can explain just a bit more in this chapter, it would make the previous chapter seem more meaningful. As it is, even with the obvious hint we will learn more in the next installment, it still seems a bit pointless. This chapter is still cliche and a bit disappointing. For readers who really thought the previous chapter was really the direction the story was going the relief might be enough, but for those who didn't it, at this point, it does feel a bit like the easy way out.
The dream within the dream is basically the same as "it was just a dream" in general, and its one of the biggest cliches in writing. It's almost impossible to do well. If you could explain just a bit more in this chapter, flesh out the conversation between Luna and Dash a bit more for example, it would at least give the cliche a bit more meaning. Heck, even Luna showing a bit more confusion about why Rainbow went through what she did would help, maybe assuring her right away that this is a dream.
You probably want to save any explaining for later, but just a bit more information in this chapter can only benefit the story I think.
Showdown: a straight flush
Well, the hat still had something in it. But which is worse, the cliche or the B&S?
Ah, I'll take the former any day.
My suggestion? Ditch the Olde English. We've seen (in "Sleepless in Ponyville") that Luna doesn't talk like that anymore. A bit heightened, perhaps, but not archaic.
2489048>>2489033 No! More soap inside of a watermelon that is inside of a basketball!
Additionally, BroMax, to quote a brilliant mind from the gaming world (in reponse to that stunt you pulled...)
You my new best friend, NOW YOU DIE! Then I'll be all alone! Why would I do that?!...
CALLED IT!
*regains composure*
Cliche though it was, it was fitting. Though, i had felt that RD had already fought these demons long before the foaling, so this did come as a surprise. Though I can't think of anything else at the moment as I've been awake about 23 hours now.
...........I'm still going to slap you for what you did last chapter. Hard.
Now, where's the picture?
How you could have done better: That last chapter? Should have been combined with this one.
Not to be a bit too of a snob, but I saw this resolution coming a mile away. You'd never pull a an M. Night Shamalayaya twist this late in the game unless if it's marketed as one. That'd happen only in a Bad Ending alternate ending.
And in the end, I don't think it accomplished much. If there really was a belligerent evil in the future, it could have been mentioned by its forces observing Zap's birth, or maybe having a Princess mention it during one of those visits that were only listed. I still like the story, but this is a classic "cliffhanger that get resolved a few minutes in." In the end, it only revisits the fears that Dash already overcame.
*Opens mouth*
*Remembers I have absolutely no skill at writing whatsoever*
*Closes mouth*
You magnificent bastard. You beautiful, magnificent bastard.
My only feedback though is that I would have strung out the mindscrew longer. Still great this way though :D.
Very clever. You had me worried for a second there.
Yep, I was 95% sure that was what was going on. (95% because anything is possible.)
Nicely resolved. Have a little faith, ponies, Bronius Maximus knows what he's doing! Mostly.
2489020
In all seriousness, that would be an interesting fic... Maybe if we talk to Bronius Maximus real nice...!
You deserved to have the like back that I removed since the last chapter.
My initial guess was reasonable accurate, and while I was severely pissed at having the entire story ripped to pieces and pissed on, you managed to salvage it.
I am glad it was only a scare, but be prepared for hate comments from new readers. I expect that a lot of people will make angry comments when they read the last chapter, even after today(before reading this chp ofc).
So... Yeah, good job. Don't do this again... Please
That was nice. The whole "gauntlet" Rainbow had to pass, just so she could make it back to the world of the living was a great twist.
I do like that this fic and its predecessor follow the "Hero's Journey" story archetype.
A character starts off low.
The call to action.
Refusing the "call".
Meeting the mentor. Mac and Dash's mom.
Leaving the comfort of the ordinary world.
Meeting allies, rivals, enemies, and tasks
Approaching the problem.
The final conflict, death and rebirth. Here it's labor with trial dream, coma, and waking up.
The Reward.
The road back home.
*grins* Well I knew it, it was a dream though you are hinting at something more going on like the darkness that is scaring even the Sisters that is coming.
Honestly, you should just released the whole dream sequence thing as one chapter. Remember, people hate the 'Who shot JR is dream' device.
Well done!
You did have me a little worried with the last chapter, but you pulled it off nicely.
Okay, much better. And thank you for having the second part of this out almost immediately.
So, an electric yellow pegasus colt, I'm assuming that's his coat, right? So what about his mane?
fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/057/f/a/princess_luna_approved_by_ambris-d4r3ibw.png
I support Seether00's idea that the near death experience dream sequence thingy should have been its own chapter rather than a bizarre cliffhanger. It feels like it could have been complete on its own, and has a clear beginning and end that would make good places to start and end a chapter (ending with the barn doors closing or with Mac being overjoyed that RD's awake, beginning with RD "waking up" in the false reality after the last chapter ended with her crashing). You'd still have a cliffhanger and tension (and people being concerned that you'd just killed off RD), but there'd be a lot less confusion between chapters, and readers generally don't like being confused. Well, I don't like being confused, at least.
I know that the near death experience was a sequel hook, but that dream sequence came out of left field and is going to feel tacked-on to me any way you slice it. Since we've already gone over RD overcoming her fears of motherhood, this sequence could be deleted entirely and the story would only really lose a chunk of foreshadowing and a sequel hook. Maybe if the warning could havve been foreshadowed throughout the story by seeing these dark forces skittering around in the corner of the characters' eyes. Someone else suggested moving the warning from Luna to one of the mentioned-but-unseen visits from royalty (which I kinda wished I could have seen, but wasn't too important I guess), and that might work. Would still feel tacked-on, though.
I figure the warning could best be moved to the epilogue. That's the best place I can think of to tack anything on, and you have a lot more flexibility there with what readers will accept. You could even shift the perspective to show the evil forces watching RD and Equestria doing something sinister or preparing to move their plans forward in the sequel.
I still love most of this story, but you did ask me how I'd write it differently. Hope it helps!
Amazing. That's all I have to say.
More mindfucking
Dunno, man. A bit cliché, but sometimes you need to go there for the story to work.
At least you didn't kill RD or her foal. Otherwise there would have been Hell to pay.
And I don't know why a lot of commenters seem to forget that the royal sisters already talked to Mac about the growing threat before when he went to Canterlot. I guess now RD knows, as well. The only thing that confuses me is how does that fit into a story series about Mac/Dash?
Ah, well. I enjoyed this chapter if only because it provided a resolution to the last one.
And you didn't mention Zap's mane color(s). May we presume he's got his mother's signature prism-like appearance?
I KNEW IT!!!! I WAS RIGHT!!!
