Stormy Skies

by HoboLicker2020

Chapter 1: A New Home

Chapter 1: A New Home

Sony began to walk from her home back to the park bench where she had met Stormy earlier. She was happy that she’d be able to let him meet his idol. When she started down the path, she saw the young colt sitting at the bench, looking very anxious. “Hey Stormy!” “Hi Sony” “So you ready to go?” sounding a bit excited herself. “Sure am, but there is something i want to tell you.” having a sad tone in his voice. “What is it?” she asked. “Well you see, I’m an orphan....” “Ok? And?” “Well, I had to wait under that bridge over there, till it was time. That’s where my tent and stuff is at.” A surprised face came over Sony. “Well, you should have said something earlier. You could’ve come to my house till it was time.” she said, now feeling bad for not taking him in. “Well, see, I’m came here from Canterlot, and they usually shoo people like me away. I didn’t want to be a burden.” “Nonsense, I would have gladly taken you home. You’ll find Ponyville is far different than the snobs at Canterlot. Actually, now that I think about it, we do have an extra room. You could stay there for a while if you want.” The young colt look shocked. “You would really do that? Cause I don’t want to be a burden.” “It’s fine, we can pick your stuff up after the party and bring it home. Sound good?” The colt runs up and hugs her. “Thank you so much!” Smiling she says “It’s no problem at all. Now let’s get to that party” “Alright!”

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They start to make their way to the S of C building (Steeds of Columbia), where they already start to hear the beats of music on the outskirts of town. They get into the building and are immediately hit by a wave of techno music. “Hey Sony, I need your help, cause I feel like when I see her, I’m gonna run up and hug her and embarrass myself.” She laughs, “That’s fine, I can talk to her first.” “Ok, hold on, I love this song.” He goes to the dance floor and dances for a bit then returns to Sony looking super happy. “Ok, I think I’m ready.” “Alright, well let’s go”. They start to make their way to the stairs to the backstage when Stormy stops dead in his tracks.“Wait you said we. Do you live with somepony?” he asked kindly. “Um, yes I do.” “And you said you’re pretty close to her. How close are you?” he asked starting to put the pieces together. “Um, really close.” she said starting to sound nervous. “I think i know how cloo-” he said passing out. “Stormy!” she says rushing over to him. “Are you ok?” she asks as he’s coming to. “Yea, I just haven’t had anything to eat in the past three days.” sounding weak. “Well lets get some food before we go see Vinyl.” They head over to a buffet table, where there are all kinds of food. They eat and then make their way backstage behind the curtains, looking at Vinyl.

“ALRIGHT PONYVILLE! THIS IS DJ PON-3 SIGNING WITH ONE LAST TRACK FOR Y’ALL” she hits a button then proceeds off stage toward the two ponies. “Hey there Vinyl. I have a big fan of yours who wants to meet you”. Sony says happily. “Hey there little dude, what’s your name?” “M-my n-n-name is S-stormy Charge.” “Well,” holding out her hoof, “nice to meet you Stormy!” “Nice to meet you too. I’ve been waiting for this day as long as I can remember.” She smiles and says, “Well it’s always nice to meet my fans.” Sony speaks up, “*coughs* Actually, Stormy is going to be staying with us for a while.” Vinyl shoots Sony a look. “He is?” she asks kinda annoyed. Sony now whispering “Well he’s an orphan and needs a place to stay.” “I can go away if you want me too” he says sounding disappointed. “No no, just stay here.” Sony says turning to Vinyl. “So, what do you say?” “I’m fine with it, just wasn’t expecting another house member.” Stormy runs up to Vinyl and hugs her. ”Thank you SO much” Vinyl smile, “It’s no problem. Well, I gotta wrap up around here.” she leans oveer and kisses Sony, “I’ll see you two at home.” “Ok bye.” Sony looks over to see a shocked Stormy. “So you’re THAT close.”

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Comments

[Stormy_Charge]

WOOOT Im stormy

[Muhanoid]

Also, few notes about second chapter. First is simplest.
Things that happen are happening too fast like on fast forward. While it is good when you are making a plan for a story, it is better to expand idea of "WTF is going on?" when story is posted. But so far looks nice, but as plan for story. Maybe even post a whole idea in this way and then re-write and, probably, it would be correct to say "unzip" story.

Next point. Dialog. Excessive and does not give much idea of what is going on. It is possible to replace it with explanation on how events go on without actually noting what words were said. I.e don't be Pinkie Pie in your explanations.

Third. Technical.
While I am no DJ at all, I know that DJ usually prepares specific songs for specific place and knows what audience will be. Depending on mood DJ switches between tracks using noises that make it look like song never ended and just flows differently.
http://www.trancearoundtheworld.com/?search_term=200&page_no=2&show_no=138
This is example of DJs work. Technically, while it is possible for DJ to leave his place for a min, he must monitor crowd and if use military term, he is the Crowd Control Device.
Making mood flow is the thing that DJ does with music.
However, I just as I was typing this understood that writer should stitch his story same way as music flows under DJs gaze. While beginning and end of chapter may be different, they are connected by flow. In this case, emotional flow.

I hope I helped somehow improve this story.
If not, then http://biblioteka.teatr-obraz.ru/files/file/English_cinema/Stephen_King_On_Writing.pdf for deeper instructions.

Edit. Story tags.
Sad is not Tragedy.
Tragedy is not always sad.
Wanderer D (moderator and writer) has blog post on this thing.

Edit 2: Special for Tragedy/Sad.