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These Wars I Fight

Why does Cosmic Sketch seem to not have control over his own mind?

Sad-ish ... kinda angsty, but evolves into a romantic comedy as it goes on. At least that's what the plan is.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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NatureSpark

NatureSpark #1 · Aug 21st, 2012 · 1 · ·

Hahaha I love the character, just the right amount of oblivious angst. I'm not even sure where the story is going at this point, but I know that I'll be waiting for the next part.

AntiquatedAnnomaly

AntiquatedAnnomaly #2 · Dec 3rd, 2012 · · ·

Hello again remember me?

Interesting.... You use italics for the voice in his head, and some of the not italics are also him thinking to/at himself. Its kinda confusing but entertaining. If you could figure out a way to differientiate between the voices in his head while still showing that he is thinking to himself and not talking out loud (I noticed the quotation marks, but they were easy to miss I think it needs a little more.) it would be less confusing.

Maybe two different fonts... Does FimFic let you do that? Ya, I think I like that, I don't think I've seen it done before, and it could add a lot of character to the different voices-- if that is the way you want to go. Just a suggestion.

Still I'll keep an eye on this. Happy writing!

Flexico

Flexico #3 · Dec 4th, 2012 · · ·

1732664 Yes I do! How's it going? =D

Aww man, was it confusing? Bummer. I'll have to figure out a better system.

AntiquatedAnnomaly

AntiquatedAnnomaly #4 · Dec 4th, 2012 · · ·

1740191 Not terribly confusing, the attitudes of the voices kept them separate for me, but if you plan on doing lots of internal dialog you are going to want a better system.

I won't clog up your comments section with our conversation, so look out for a PM.